A Month of Possibilities
by wizardtho
Edward and I had been on the island for our honeymoon all of five minutes, when he broke down, sobbing into my stomach as he clutched at me desperately. I was startled, to say the least, but couldn't understand his jumbled words or incomplete sentences. “Edward, Honey. Slow down, please. I can't understand what you're saying. What's happened? Did I miss something?”
He slowly unburied his face from my stomach, still clutching at me, then looked up with venom-filled eyes. I looked at him worriedly as I ran my fingers slowly through his hair. He choked out his words as if a severe lump was trying to block them from coming out, “Love, I'm so ashamed. I should have told you so much sooner. I was selfish... so selfish... and scared. I couldn't find the words; I was afraid you'd leave me if you found out.”
The thought of such a thing was an absurdity. My features softened as I cupped his cheeks to say, “Whatever it is, Edward... you can tell me. I promise I'll listen.”
He let out a short sob, ducking his head back into my stomach, then looked up into my eyes as he whispered brokenly, “I can't make love to you, Isabella. I want to so very much... but I can't. Every test we've run ended in disaster, Love.”
I looked at him in confusion. What tests? How have they been doing tests?
Edward shook his head, “You know how you've been donating vials of blood for Carlisle to help Jasper with his blood lust? He's also been using it to help me... prepare... for tonight. Every time your blood has been exposed when I'm in an aroused state, whether prepared for it or not, I've gone insane trying to reach it. Every test has had the result of you... dying... if you were to be anywhere in the vicinity of me. I'm so sorry, Isabella. We've been trying so hard to prepare me to be able to give you this night, but I just can't... not when there's blood involved.”
I let out a breath of relief, knowing that this was something we could get past, then slid down into his lap, “Oh, My Love. We can get around the blood issue. There are many ways that my barrier can be broken and healed before we make love. If you would have told me that you were testing with Carlisle, I could have put an end to your suffering about the issue long ago.”
He looked at me with a horror-stuck expression, “No, Love. Please, you deserve to be cherished and worshiped when your barrier is broken. Your first time is something special. You deserve to have someone truly care for you when that happens.”
I shook my head, not understanding how we keep going in circles over this. “Edward, what would you have me do then? I don't want to be turned while still a virgin. I would be in pain every time we made love, having to re-break my barrier each time, because it would heal back afterwards.”
He looked down, fiddled with the buttons on my sky blue blouse for a minute, then let out a heavy breath before whispering, “I would never have you endure that pain, Isabella. There's a way... but it changes things.”
I asked him cautiously, “Would it involve us being split up or not having an eternity together?”
He shook his head, “No, Love. Nothing of that sort. It's just that... well... there's no easy way to explain this. Please, just... hear me out before you say anything.”
I nodded, not really understanding what all this was leading toward, but fully interested in hearing him out if it would ultimately allow Edward to make love to me. He began slowly, “After the first several sessions trying to work with me, Carlisle asked if Jasper could join a session to give me advice where needed, since he was doing extremely well in his training. I was so determined to try anything that would allow me to make love to you, that I eagerly allowed Jasper to join the session.”
He looked up at me from under his lashes, so I whispered for him to continue. His voice was shaky as he explained, “After sixteen sessions of almost nightly training, for hours at a time, Jasper asked if he could try something. He wanted to try to show me, so I could monitor his thoughts... see if there was anything he was thinking that could help me. He had to think of you, because it was your blood the test was being done with... you that I would ultimately be needing to use the technique with.”
It didn't bother me, honestly, and I could see the reasoning behind it was sound. I cupped his cheek, whispering that I understood that I needed to be the one envisioned. “The test went better than anyone would have guessed... but not for me. Just his thoughts of you had me aroused to the point where Carlisle had to restrain me, then Emmett had to remove me from the room. Jasper, however, was able to... complete the action... without so much as a hint of bloodlust. That's when I knew, Love. I just couldn't hold my control, so something else would have to be agreed on for your first time.”
He let out a whimper, holding me to him, then laid his ear against my heart. “I'm sorry, Love. Alice saw the results of Jasper's demonstration, and she knew I needed someone to be a sounding board. She went hunting with me. After a I ended up letting my frustration out on a good amount of trees and boulders, I started thinking. When I came to a particular thought, Alice went into a series of visions. Of course, I saw everything in them. After she became coherent, we both talked through how they made us feel. We both agreed that there were things we couldn't do with our partners that they both seemed to want. She thought we should consider the change a positive thing. We immediately went back to the house to speak with Jasper.”
Okay, now I'm confused... utterly baffled.
I lifted his chin so he would look into my eyes, then asked, “Edward, you're speaking in circles. Please tell me what the visions entailed, and what you wouldn't be able to do with me that Jasper would. I don't understand.”
He nodded, “I'm sorry. It's just hard to get this out in the open. I feel like a failure, not being able to give this to you. Alice's visions showed your first time being with Jasper, which I had begun to think about, since he had such control over his bloodlust during the test. The thing was, though, that the relationship between the four of us would change. Isabella, I will never be able to just take you. I don't have it in me to pin you to the wall in a fit of need and just ravage you like that. It's too ingrained in me to protect you, be gentle with you. Jasper has the same issue with Alice. The final in the series of visions showed Alice and I being able to be like that with each other, while Jasper was able fill that need for you.”
I slid off his lap, totally confounded, then started pacing the room absentmindedly as I bit my bottom lip in thought. I stopped mid pace after several long minutes, looking at Edward, “You want this? For me to go to Jasper when I just need, for lack of a better term, down and dirty sex? I can't deny that I've thought of you taking me that way more than a few times. God, Edward... so many times... but I can see how after conditioning yourself to protect and be gentle with me, that anything rough at all would go completely against that.”
He smirked slightly, but just as soon as it appeared, it was gone as he said, “I have those cravings too, but as soon as I think of them in conjunction with you, I cringe and feel hideous for even thinking it. I can't be that for you, Love, but Jasper can... while I can be that for Alice. Our relationship changes, but not for the bad. We become closer to both of them, and there's no jealousy as far as we could see. One of the visions even showed the four of us in the same room at the same time. You will always be my mate, Isabella, as I will always be yours. This will not harm our relationship, but give us an outlet that we can not find in each other. All I ask is that you think it over, Love. Please give it some serious thought.”
I started pacing again, slower this time, truly trying to think about everything. I couldn't deny that I was attracted to Jasper. Of all of the Cullens, Jasper was the one I could never really put a relationship label to. Edward was my eternal love, Carlisle was my doctor/dad, Esme was always my mom, and Em was my big brother bear. Rose, well... Rose was the big sister who rarely spent one-on-one time with me, but found ways to give me good advice without taking credit for it.
Then there was Alice. She had so many roles in my life, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I loved her almost as much as I did Edward... would do anything for her. Jasper, though... I had never been able to call him a brother, even in my thoughts. Friend didn't feel like enough when I thought about him, though saying that he was my sister's husband and mate... well, that was true, but just lame.
Could I ever consider Jasper as a lover? Could I handle the fact that Edward and Alice would be together intimately? Could I envision Jasper being the one to bend me over the back of a couch and pound into me, or roughly biting my nipples as he holds my hands above me against a wall? The simple answer? Asbo-fucking-lutely... as long as there was no chance that it would harm my relationship with Edward or Alice.
Jasper was devilishly sexy. The dangerous presence he exudes had featured more than once in my faceless dreams. I needed to make sure, though, plus I also needed to be able to test out my chemistry with Jasper. The last thing I wanted was to agree to this, then find out that we had no chemistry.
Could I really do this? Does Edward really want this, too, or is he just doing it for me?
I stopped pacing again, then crawled back into Edward's lap. He had stayed in the same position, letting me quietly think through all of this on my own. He didn't want to influence my decision, which I appreciated.
I wove my fingers into his hair, making him smile gently as he pecked my lips. I let out a breath, then said softly, “I have questions, and I need you to be 110% honest with me. I know my decision, but I need these answers from you, please.”
He nodded, so I asked, “Is this only for me, or did you ask me this because you need that release, too?”
He said softly, “My main focus when I thought about it was that I couldn't be your first, and I couldn't give you the 'down and dirty sex' I knew you would eventually crave... but I can't deny that the thought of being able to release that part of myself with Alice is quite appealing.”
I nodded, then said, “We need to figure out how this would all work, but before that happens, I need to find out if I even have any chemistry with Jasper. Yes, I find him attractive, but I don't want to say yes, only to have it feel weird when he touches me. Then, if this does happen, what do we do about the family? I mean, there really are no secrets, Edward. I don't think I could handle them looking down on us for this.”
Edward smiled softly as he cupped my cheek, saying, “They already know, my beautiful mate, and everyone is very understanding. They see it as filling a void that our mates can't, for whatever reason, which is truly what this is. Yes the four of us would become quite close, but we are not stepping out on our mates. We will all have full knowledge of what's happening, Love, and they understand that.”
I nodded, then said, “I guess we need to talk to Alice and Jasper, then. You... you'll be able to make love to me... as long as there's no blood in the open? While I'm human?”
He nodded with a smirk, “I pass those tests with flying colors, Isabella, on a very frequent basis. I hope to be making love to you, as much as your little body can handle, as soon as you are healed and not internally sore. Carlisle said that 6 to 8 hours and two Tylenol, along with a warm soak in the tub, would be all you should need to recover fully before I can make love to you.”
I smiled widely at this, then said, “It's too bad we have to wait until we get back to the states to talk to Ali and Jazz, because now this beautiful island isn't going to be seeing any action for the next month.”
Edward chuckled as he kissed my neck, “Is that what you think? I can assure you that if all goes well, this island will be seeing plenty of action in the month we are here. Alice and Jasper are on the mainland right now... they can be here within 30 minutes. All you have to do is say the word.”
Of course, I did ask Edward to call them, then said I wanted to get a shower real quick, since I felt all hot and sticky from the plane. Edward offered to open up the house a bit while I was cooling off, so that it wouldn't be as stuffy when I got out of the shower. The island breeze would soon be floating through the house. I for one, was looking forward to it as Edward carried our bags to master bedroom.
He placed a lingering kiss on my lips before he whispered his love for me and retreated from the room. I laid my phone on the bed, then headed to the bathroom to strip down.
When I returned to the bedroom, the french doors had been opened. So had the windows. The breeze felt good on my skin, so I hummed as I opened the first suitcase. It was packed full of lingerie, bathing suits, and sarongs. I chuckled at Alice's version of honeymoon necessities, then heard my phone chime softly with an incoming text from none other than Alice herself. It read:
B- 10 min out. Wear Alyssa Nichole gauze sundress only if u truly want 2 test waters w/ Jazz. No bra, nude lace ultra-lowrise thong & go barefoot. No bra! Ur tits R perfection, so don't even think about it. Luv U, Sweetie. ~A
Thank you, Alice.
I pulled open the other suitcase. Right there on top was a white sundress. I looked at the tag, pulling it out when I saw that it was the right one. Wow, it was... extremely sexy. The dress was a fitted halter, tied in the back at the neck and bra-line, then looked like the back of the skirt would start right above my tailbone. The front looked like it had from the bra-line to the hip cut out on either side, the dress lining stopped at mid-thigh level, and that's also where the slit on either side came up to.
Even with the lining, I was sure that superior vampire eyesight would be seeing a hell of a lot, but I wasn't going to question Alice's judgment. There must have been a reason she wanted me in this, so I was going with it. I pulled a tiny nude lace thong from the top of the lingerie suitcase, then headed back to the bathroom with my finds and phone, wondering what she wanted me to do with my hair. Since she didn't say, I just ran an anti-frizz serum through it, then left my chunky curls falling damp with just a little fluff.
When I was done, I pulled a floral scrunchi onto my wrist, then looked into the mirror. The dress actually looked amazing, and the girls were held perfectly in the top of the dress, with some major cleavage going on. The dress hugged my curves like a second skin, accentuating my slim waist and round hips, plus it made my ass look damn incredible. I truly felt as sexy as I looked, unable to help my smile as I turned from the mirror to go find Edward.
He slowly unburied his face from my stomach, still clutching at me, then looked up with venom-filled eyes. I looked at him worriedly as I ran my fingers slowly through his hair. He choked out his words as if a severe lump was trying to block them from coming out, “Love, I'm so ashamed. I should have told you so much sooner. I was selfish... so selfish... and scared. I couldn't find the words; I was afraid you'd leave me if you found out.”
The thought of such a thing was an absurdity. My features softened as I cupped his cheeks to say, “Whatever it is, Edward... you can tell me. I promise I'll listen.”
He let out a short sob, ducking his head back into my stomach, then looked up into my eyes as he whispered brokenly, “I can't make love to you, Isabella. I want to so very much... but I can't. Every test we've run ended in disaster, Love.”
I looked at him in confusion. What tests? How have they been doing tests?
Edward shook his head, “You know how you've been donating vials of blood for Carlisle to help Jasper with his blood lust? He's also been using it to help me... prepare... for tonight. Every time your blood has been exposed when I'm in an aroused state, whether prepared for it or not, I've gone insane trying to reach it. Every test has had the result of you... dying... if you were to be anywhere in the vicinity of me. I'm so sorry, Isabella. We've been trying so hard to prepare me to be able to give you this night, but I just can't... not when there's blood involved.”
I let out a breath of relief, knowing that this was something we could get past, then slid down into his lap, “Oh, My Love. We can get around the blood issue. There are many ways that my barrier can be broken and healed before we make love. If you would have told me that you were testing with Carlisle, I could have put an end to your suffering about the issue long ago.”
He looked at me with a horror-stuck expression, “No, Love. Please, you deserve to be cherished and worshiped when your barrier is broken. Your first time is something special. You deserve to have someone truly care for you when that happens.”
I shook my head, not understanding how we keep going in circles over this. “Edward, what would you have me do then? I don't want to be turned while still a virgin. I would be in pain every time we made love, having to re-break my barrier each time, because it would heal back afterwards.”
He looked down, fiddled with the buttons on my sky blue blouse for a minute, then let out a heavy breath before whispering, “I would never have you endure that pain, Isabella. There's a way... but it changes things.”
I asked him cautiously, “Would it involve us being split up or not having an eternity together?”
He shook his head, “No, Love. Nothing of that sort. It's just that... well... there's no easy way to explain this. Please, just... hear me out before you say anything.”
I nodded, not really understanding what all this was leading toward, but fully interested in hearing him out if it would ultimately allow Edward to make love to me. He began slowly, “After the first several sessions trying to work with me, Carlisle asked if Jasper could join a session to give me advice where needed, since he was doing extremely well in his training. I was so determined to try anything that would allow me to make love to you, that I eagerly allowed Jasper to join the session.”
He looked up at me from under his lashes, so I whispered for him to continue. His voice was shaky as he explained, “After sixteen sessions of almost nightly training, for hours at a time, Jasper asked if he could try something. He wanted to try to show me, so I could monitor his thoughts... see if there was anything he was thinking that could help me. He had to think of you, because it was your blood the test was being done with... you that I would ultimately be needing to use the technique with.”
It didn't bother me, honestly, and I could see the reasoning behind it was sound. I cupped his cheek, whispering that I understood that I needed to be the one envisioned. “The test went better than anyone would have guessed... but not for me. Just his thoughts of you had me aroused to the point where Carlisle had to restrain me, then Emmett had to remove me from the room. Jasper, however, was able to... complete the action... without so much as a hint of bloodlust. That's when I knew, Love. I just couldn't hold my control, so something else would have to be agreed on for your first time.”
He let out a whimper, holding me to him, then laid his ear against my heart. “I'm sorry, Love. Alice saw the results of Jasper's demonstration, and she knew I needed someone to be a sounding board. She went hunting with me. After a I ended up letting my frustration out on a good amount of trees and boulders, I started thinking. When I came to a particular thought, Alice went into a series of visions. Of course, I saw everything in them. After she became coherent, we both talked through how they made us feel. We both agreed that there were things we couldn't do with our partners that they both seemed to want. She thought we should consider the change a positive thing. We immediately went back to the house to speak with Jasper.”
Okay, now I'm confused... utterly baffled.
I lifted his chin so he would look into my eyes, then asked, “Edward, you're speaking in circles. Please tell me what the visions entailed, and what you wouldn't be able to do with me that Jasper would. I don't understand.”
He nodded, “I'm sorry. It's just hard to get this out in the open. I feel like a failure, not being able to give this to you. Alice's visions showed your first time being with Jasper, which I had begun to think about, since he had such control over his bloodlust during the test. The thing was, though, that the relationship between the four of us would change. Isabella, I will never be able to just take you. I don't have it in me to pin you to the wall in a fit of need and just ravage you like that. It's too ingrained in me to protect you, be gentle with you. Jasper has the same issue with Alice. The final in the series of visions showed Alice and I being able to be like that with each other, while Jasper was able fill that need for you.”
I slid off his lap, totally confounded, then started pacing the room absentmindedly as I bit my bottom lip in thought. I stopped mid pace after several long minutes, looking at Edward, “You want this? For me to go to Jasper when I just need, for lack of a better term, down and dirty sex? I can't deny that I've thought of you taking me that way more than a few times. God, Edward... so many times... but I can see how after conditioning yourself to protect and be gentle with me, that anything rough at all would go completely against that.”
He smirked slightly, but just as soon as it appeared, it was gone as he said, “I have those cravings too, but as soon as I think of them in conjunction with you, I cringe and feel hideous for even thinking it. I can't be that for you, Love, but Jasper can... while I can be that for Alice. Our relationship changes, but not for the bad. We become closer to both of them, and there's no jealousy as far as we could see. One of the visions even showed the four of us in the same room at the same time. You will always be my mate, Isabella, as I will always be yours. This will not harm our relationship, but give us an outlet that we can not find in each other. All I ask is that you think it over, Love. Please give it some serious thought.”
I started pacing again, slower this time, truly trying to think about everything. I couldn't deny that I was attracted to Jasper. Of all of the Cullens, Jasper was the one I could never really put a relationship label to. Edward was my eternal love, Carlisle was my doctor/dad, Esme was always my mom, and Em was my big brother bear. Rose, well... Rose was the big sister who rarely spent one-on-one time with me, but found ways to give me good advice without taking credit for it.
Then there was Alice. She had so many roles in my life, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I loved her almost as much as I did Edward... would do anything for her. Jasper, though... I had never been able to call him a brother, even in my thoughts. Friend didn't feel like enough when I thought about him, though saying that he was my sister's husband and mate... well, that was true, but just lame.
Could I ever consider Jasper as a lover? Could I handle the fact that Edward and Alice would be together intimately? Could I envision Jasper being the one to bend me over the back of a couch and pound into me, or roughly biting my nipples as he holds my hands above me against a wall? The simple answer? Asbo-fucking-lutely... as long as there was no chance that it would harm my relationship with Edward or Alice.
Jasper was devilishly sexy. The dangerous presence he exudes had featured more than once in my faceless dreams. I needed to make sure, though, plus I also needed to be able to test out my chemistry with Jasper. The last thing I wanted was to agree to this, then find out that we had no chemistry.
Could I really do this? Does Edward really want this, too, or is he just doing it for me?
I stopped pacing again, then crawled back into Edward's lap. He had stayed in the same position, letting me quietly think through all of this on my own. He didn't want to influence my decision, which I appreciated.
I wove my fingers into his hair, making him smile gently as he pecked my lips. I let out a breath, then said softly, “I have questions, and I need you to be 110% honest with me. I know my decision, but I need these answers from you, please.”
He nodded, so I asked, “Is this only for me, or did you ask me this because you need that release, too?”
He said softly, “My main focus when I thought about it was that I couldn't be your first, and I couldn't give you the 'down and dirty sex' I knew you would eventually crave... but I can't deny that the thought of being able to release that part of myself with Alice is quite appealing.”
I nodded, then said, “We need to figure out how this would all work, but before that happens, I need to find out if I even have any chemistry with Jasper. Yes, I find him attractive, but I don't want to say yes, only to have it feel weird when he touches me. Then, if this does happen, what do we do about the family? I mean, there really are no secrets, Edward. I don't think I could handle them looking down on us for this.”
Edward smiled softly as he cupped my cheek, saying, “They already know, my beautiful mate, and everyone is very understanding. They see it as filling a void that our mates can't, for whatever reason, which is truly what this is. Yes the four of us would become quite close, but we are not stepping out on our mates. We will all have full knowledge of what's happening, Love, and they understand that.”
I nodded, then said, “I guess we need to talk to Alice and Jasper, then. You... you'll be able to make love to me... as long as there's no blood in the open? While I'm human?”
He nodded with a smirk, “I pass those tests with flying colors, Isabella, on a very frequent basis. I hope to be making love to you, as much as your little body can handle, as soon as you are healed and not internally sore. Carlisle said that 6 to 8 hours and two Tylenol, along with a warm soak in the tub, would be all you should need to recover fully before I can make love to you.”
I smiled widely at this, then said, “It's too bad we have to wait until we get back to the states to talk to Ali and Jazz, because now this beautiful island isn't going to be seeing any action for the next month.”
Edward chuckled as he kissed my neck, “Is that what you think? I can assure you that if all goes well, this island will be seeing plenty of action in the month we are here. Alice and Jasper are on the mainland right now... they can be here within 30 minutes. All you have to do is say the word.”
Of course, I did ask Edward to call them, then said I wanted to get a shower real quick, since I felt all hot and sticky from the plane. Edward offered to open up the house a bit while I was cooling off, so that it wouldn't be as stuffy when I got out of the shower. The island breeze would soon be floating through the house. I for one, was looking forward to it as Edward carried our bags to master bedroom.
He placed a lingering kiss on my lips before he whispered his love for me and retreated from the room. I laid my phone on the bed, then headed to the bathroom to strip down.
When I returned to the bedroom, the french doors had been opened. So had the windows. The breeze felt good on my skin, so I hummed as I opened the first suitcase. It was packed full of lingerie, bathing suits, and sarongs. I chuckled at Alice's version of honeymoon necessities, then heard my phone chime softly with an incoming text from none other than Alice herself. It read:
B- 10 min out. Wear Alyssa Nichole gauze sundress only if u truly want 2 test waters w/ Jazz. No bra, nude lace ultra-lowrise thong & go barefoot. No bra! Ur tits R perfection, so don't even think about it. Luv U, Sweetie. ~A
Thank you, Alice.
I pulled open the other suitcase. Right there on top was a white sundress. I looked at the tag, pulling it out when I saw that it was the right one. Wow, it was... extremely sexy. The dress was a fitted halter, tied in the back at the neck and bra-line, then looked like the back of the skirt would start right above my tailbone. The front looked like it had from the bra-line to the hip cut out on either side, the dress lining stopped at mid-thigh level, and that's also where the slit on either side came up to.
Even with the lining, I was sure that superior vampire eyesight would be seeing a hell of a lot, but I wasn't going to question Alice's judgment. There must have been a reason she wanted me in this, so I was going with it. I pulled a tiny nude lace thong from the top of the lingerie suitcase, then headed back to the bathroom with my finds and phone, wondering what she wanted me to do with my hair. Since she didn't say, I just ran an anti-frizz serum through it, then left my chunky curls falling damp with just a little fluff.
When I was done, I pulled a floral scrunchi onto my wrist, then looked into the mirror. The dress actually looked amazing, and the girls were held perfectly in the top of the dress, with some major cleavage going on. The dress hugged my curves like a second skin, accentuating my slim waist and round hips, plus it made my ass look damn incredible. I truly felt as sexy as I looked, unable to help my smile as I turned from the mirror to go find Edward.