Chapter 46: Good Mama, Bad Mama
Peter automatically took his place long enough to kiss my tummy, then laid next to me, whispering as he kissed my shoulder, "You're gonna be the best Mama in the world."
I smiled before I said, "Char's gonna be a great Mama, too. She's going to be so good with the babies. I can just picture it. She can pick out their little outfits and get them dressed after I nurse them, plus we can teach them together. They won't be able to go to a normal school. I don't know why yet, but Char and I homeschool them."
Char's eyes lit up. "Really, Sweetness?"
I nodded as I rubbed her calf close to my head. "I really mean it, Char. Just because I'm giving birth to them doesn't mean you aren't their Mama, too. We do this together... the four of us, along with our whole family. Dad, would you and Sue prefer a cottage or the guest room in the main house? We can put the cottage as close to the main house as you want, so that's not an issue."
Charlie scratched his chin for a second before calling to Sue. "Suzie? Bella wants to know if we would prefer a cottage or the guest suite in the main house in Texas. They're thinking about the babies. I think a two bedroom cottage would suit us just fine, but I want your opinion."
She kissed his nose. "A two bedroom would be perfect. Not too big, but room enough for what we need."
I smirked, "I'll make sure there's locks on the second bedroom door. We can have it sound-proofed, too, if you want."
Sue's eyes went wide, so I giggled. "You'd have to talk to Major if you want to use the room in the main house. That's his domain."
Jasper ducked his head into my neck, laughing, "You're wicked, Woman. Pure evil."
I looked at him in mock shock. "What! I guessed it, then Charlie's blush said it all. Where do you think mine came from? Sue, I'm glad he has someone like you. He wasn't afraid to talk to me about the Major. Of course, I didn't go into a ton of detail, but I told him about the non-episode eye change. You take care of each other, and that's what important. You are what the other needs to feel complete."
Sue crouched down to hug me tight. "I knew you of all people would understand, but I didn't know how to bring it up. Charlie and I haven't had the time to talk about it lately. Thank you, Bella."
I smiled in return before she concluded. "Yes, the cottage would be a good idea. Major's playroom is a no-go zone. I wouldn't dare even ask for something so personal."
I nodded in understanding. Then it hit me. "You'll be leaving it all here, won't you?"
She nodded sadly, "Most of it is old and needs replaced anyway. I might bring a few small things. We'll have to see."
I turned to Jasper. "We need to give her a line, to let her set it up with whatever she wants and needs."
Jasper smiled brightly, "I fully agree, Sug. I wouldn't have it any other way."
He stroked my cheek as he looked at me tenderly, saying, "We know how it is to be somewhere different... to not have what we need, don't we, Darlin'?"
I nodded, remembering the stuff just appearing during the non-episode. I shuddered when I thought about not being able to feel the flogger that day. I whispered, "I swear we'll make sure you have everything you need. You can have most of the items the day we arrive. It'll take about a week or two to get the cottages up and decorated for each set going into one, but you can start setting up your playroom as soon as it's water tight. No one will have to go in there to set up the other rooms. You can't go without, though. I know how that feels. I miss Major's cross."
Charlie patted my leg softly. "You'll be back in Major's playroom soon, Princess. Wait, can you still do that with you being pregnant?"
I smiled softly, knowing he would be worried until I explained. "No hard punishment, and suspension other than my arms with the balls of my feet touching the floor is out. No webs, some spanking positions are out, no cages or boxes, no body binding... all of the really heavy stuff is out. We never do breath or blood play, so we don't have to worry about that. The bondage chair, table and ladder are all good... so is the St. Andrew's Cross. The spreader bars, paddles, floggers, and crops are okay as long as too much force isn't used, and none of it is near my tummy. We've never used a cane, so I don't think we have to worry about that. Mostly it's just positions and strength we have to worry about."
Jasper looked at me curiously, "Darlin, where did you learn about canes, webs, cages, boxes, body binding... as well as breath and blood play? Major hasn't mentioned any of those things to you yet. You've barely begun learning about the floggers and crops."
Charlie smiled, then asked, "You really are taking it slow, huh?"
Jasper agreed, "She's been in there all of two times. The first time was the introduction, my naming the equipment for her. She never once spoke to Peter and Char, who were in their waiting positions -still dressed, I might add- in the room. Her sole attention was on me. Very quick learner. The second time she was in a full-out episode where every element was involved. It was a stressful time trying to bring her out of that, plus I had to keep her from using her earth element. She almost earthquaked the room several times. The goddess in a power spike episode is a very jealous mate. All of us are her mates, but not each others. We can't even touch innocently when all of the elements are involved. That was the day the goddess completed her physical transformation. The emotional and mental was completed during our private time today. They melded during a critical moment with Peter. She said it was the most beautiful feeling and sight. She cried for a long while, then went to take her shower.”
Jasper kissed my temple, then continued, “That's when Alice showed up and notice how fertile she was. I scented it too, when I opened the door to give her a kiss. It was intoxicating. The three of us were afraid we'd hurt her if we were with her while she was fertile. Alice explained that we wouldn't hurt her, that we needed to let her guide everything. Whatever was meant to happen would. Now, here we are with two on the way. Speaking of which, do we know who the made it to the eggs first?"
I smiled widely, but Jasper gasped, "You know, don't you? You've known the whole time, yet you never said anything... oh, you evil woman."
I giggled, "Would you like to know or are you intent on calling me evil again? I can still cut you off until the babies are born."
Jasper's eyes went wide, then he hurried to backtrack, "Will you tell us... please, Darlin'?"
I giggled, "Both. Two eggs and you both won."
Jasper and Peter both smiled at each other, then they touched lips softly but briefly. Peter whispered something to Jasper before Jasper nodded.
I cleared my throat, causing Char to giggle. "Char. Can you ask Esme for a soft throw blanket and a couple of pillows please? I really shouldn't stand yet, but this ground is becoming uncomfortable on my back."
Peter took Char's place under me as Jasper continued to feed me. I drank all of both smoothies, then had Char bring two waters on her way back out. I ate all of the fruit and the rest of the fish. I started on the caviar slowly with the crackers, but instantly spit it out. I felt my eyes change, swirling with all of the elements.
In a monotone but strong voice, I said, "No more of that color. Dark caviar is off limits while blood and milk both flow. Red, white, green, gold, or orange are good for them. Red is always good, and I will not have the same reaction. No black, brown, or any variation of gray. It taints the blood and milk... poisons the babies."
I snapped out of my goddess mode, realising what almost happened. I started balling as I threw the bowl of caviar away from me as hard as I could.
I could have just killed my babies before they even got a chance to grow. I almost poisoned them. How am I supposed to be a good mother if I poison them before they’re even born? I can't. I can't do it. I can't be a good mother. My own mother wasn't even a good mother. I'll never be able to give these babies what they need... what they deserve. Can't breathe... not a good mother. It hurts... never be good enough. What can I do right... can't be a mother to ones so special. Can't ... breathe.
"ISABELLA MARIE! God damnit! Look at me right this instant!"
My eyes snapped open and up, only for me to realise I was curled against the tree in a ball. I hugged my knees closer to my chest, crying out, "I can't protect them! I can't be a good mother if I can't protect them while they’re inside me!"
I started crying harder, my breaths coming in short gasps. "Isabella, keep lookin’ at me. Eyes on me, remember?"
My eyes snapped back to his as I whimpered, "Y-yes, Ma-major."
He looked me over for a minute, then said, "Isabella, do ya know where we are and what just happened?"
I choked a sob, nodding, "I-I-In back yard-d, bi-ig house, fam-ily-y. Ba-ad, can't be g-good Mama. Alm-oost poi-pooi-kill... no cha-ance to gr-row. Bad Ma-ma."
The tears were running down my face faster than I could blink. "Deep breaths, now. In... out... In... out... In... out. Now tell me, Isabella, why ya think ya can't be a good mother. Tell me why ya think ya can't protect them."
I took a deep breath, let it out, then said slowly, "I can't protect them from myself. I was the one who almost hurt them. Beautiful babies, our babies, but I don't deserve to mother them. Poison, Major. I almost poisoned our babies. My own mother wasn't even a good mother... how am I supposed to be any better? Tell me, and I swear I'll do it. I'll do anything for them... for our family. I swear I will, Sir."
I swear... anything.
"Tell me ya name."
What? Major knows my name.
He nodded curtly, "What do your mates call ya, Isabella?"
This doesn't tell me how to be a good Mama!
"Darlin', Isabella, Little One, and Sweetness, Sir."
He walked to the other side of me. "Is that all they call ya?"
I shook my head, "No, Sir. There are several more. Shall I name them?"
He looked at me, then crouched down next to me slowly. "No, Isabella. Ya don't need to name them. I needed to make ya stop thinkin' for a second to calm down. Now... whether ya think your mom was a good mother or not, you will be an excellent mother to any children we have with our mates. Who is the goddess, Isabella? Is she your mother?"
I snorted, "No, Sir. The goddess is me."
He nodded then said, "Ya seem to keep forgettin' that fact, though. You are the goddess, and the goddess is you. Ya aren't two different people. You're one and the same. There may be many different parts to ya, but ya are all the goddess, and the goddess is in all parts of ya. The lover, the fighter, the protector, the sister, the daughter, the mate... the goddess is in every single part of ya, because ya are her. Even the mother part. The goddess saved the babies today, right?"
I nodded, "Yes, Sir."
He took my hand, placing it over our babies, "That means that you saved our babies. Ya just said the goddess saved them, and ya also said ya were the goddess. That would mean you saved them, right?"
I reluctantly nodded, "I guess so, Sir. It doesn't feel like it, though."
Major frowned, then said seriously, "Isabella, what woulda happened if ya hadn't put up the protections at your Dad's, if the wolves hadn't gone there?"
I shuddered, then whimpered, "He would have died, Sir."
Major asked, "And what woulda happened to the reservation if ya hadn't set up the protection there?"
I shook my head sadly. "They would have killed the whole reservation, Sir."
He stood up, then held his hand out for me. I took it, so he helped me up slowly, "Who saved them, Isabella?"
I nodded slightly, "I did, Sir."
His head nodded in finality, "And who saved our babies?"
I replied again, "I did, Sir."
He put both hands on my shoulders, looking at me intently, "Every parent is scared shitless with their first child, that they won't be able to do it. How do ya think your mates feel? You, a goddess in your own right, with all these kick-ass powers, will be a mother to at least three very special children. Ya may be scared that you'll mess up, but your mates are just as scared they'll mess up. Do ya think your Dad wasn't scared when he found out your mom was pregnant? Or what about when ya came back to Forks to live with him? Do ya think he wasn't scared that he'd mess up royally? I can tell ya that everyone feels that way when they find out they're bringin' a life into the world. Do ya know what ya were doin' when I first got through to ya a few minutes ago? Ya were tryin’ to protect our babies.”
I looked at him questioningly, so he said, “Even in your state, ya were tryin’ to keep ‘em safe. Ya curled in on yourself, tried to block anyone from gettin' access to your stomach and our babies. That was pure motherly instinct. Ya wouldn'a done that if ya couldn't be a good Mama to ‘em. That's exactly what ya were bein'. A good Mama. Your instincts are paramount, Isabella. That is how ya saved them... instinct. We know now that we can't have that in the house. Esme's already gotten all of it from the cabin and the main house. She is takin' it away as we speak. Ya liked the red, plus there are others that'll be good for ya. We know to stay away from the dark colors. That's what we'll do. None of us know everythin' right from the start with children, it's a learnin' experience for everyone. Our children will be unique, and may have other special needs, like their need for both blood and milk when they nurse. Ya knew how to prepare for their needin' that. Ya guided your mates in how to accomplish it. Your mates would do anythin' they can to help ya be a good mother... just like ya’d do the same for them. Now how do ya feel, Isabella?"
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Quickly taking stock, I opened my eyes, then said, "Still scared, but okay. I need my mates, and I don't feel safe in the open right now. I need energy, to lay down again, and I need Jake. I can't have the liqueurs any more, they feel like a big no-no, but I need something to substitute. Sir? Did I do something wrong? You didn't take me anywhere private."
His eyes went wide, "No, Isabella. Ya did nothin' wrong. I didn't take ya away from the group because I felt your need to be near the wolves still. Ya need Jake, so I won’t take ya away from his presence while ya feel that need. Your mates are here also. We can move inside so ya feel safe, then we'll figure out what to do about the liqueurs. Your eyes are gettin' better. What else do ya need right now, Isabella?"
I looked down, "I think I need Jasper, Sir. I think my eyes will change back once I'm inside with all of my mates and Jake, but I need to draw energy first."
He nodded. "Draw your energy. We'll stay close to ya. Once we get ya inside and feelin' safer, ya can have Jasper. Is that acceptable?"
I nodded, "Yes. Thank you, Sir."
I sat in my lotus position after looking around to see my mates, Jake, Charlie, and Sue all around me. I closed my eyes, quickly realising that my energy was at half level. I checked my energy center, but noticed the babies were drawing energy from me to help them grow. Instinctively, I knew they would be done in a minute, and that I would definitely need to stay at full level from now on. I smiled, "The babies are drawing energy. I need to wait. It should only be a minute."
They babies stopped drawing from me, then I was able to quickly fill my energy. I opened my eyes to see they were all still there. None of them had moved, so it made me feel a little safer. I nodded to Major, "Sir, can you please carry me in your arms? I shouldn't walk yet, but my tummy against your back or stomach isn't a good idea right now."
He picked me up bridal-style gently, then took me into the living room. The furniture had been moved to the walls, a thick fluffy-soft blanket had been put down for us to sit and lay on. He asked, "Who would ya like behind ya, Isabella?"
I spoke immediately, "Peter, please. I need Jasper and Jake next to me. Char can lay her head near mine on the other side of Peter."
He nodded as Peter got in position with his back against a big pillow up against the wall. Major gently placed me with my head on Peter's legs, between his hip and knee, my body to the side on the blanket. Char laid on the opposite side with her head near Peter's knee facing me, then Jasper laid on my side of Peter near his hip facing me. I called for Jake, who came to lay with his head on my tummy again, his body stretched out alongside Peter's legs.
I sighed when we were all in position, then I saw my Dad and Sue at the doorway. No one had come into the room with us, but I could tell he wanted to be near me, to make sure I was alright. "Dad, you and Sue can come in. You can stay close."
They came in to sit on the loveseat near my feet, then I felt somewhat better. I still needed something.... not the liqueurs, but something... that's it. I got a flash of my mates putting their venom in a bottle of water, then another flash of raspberry and chocolate extract. "I know how to substitute the liqueurs. I just got a vision of your venoms mixed with organic raspberry and chocolate extract. It has to be plain water and 1/2 teaspoon each of your venoms and the extracts. I remember Jasper grabbed a bunch of extracts with our scents at the food market. It'll work better than the liqueurs. Bring three bottles of water, the measuring spoon and the extracts. Mix everything in here. Hurry."
Char dashed off to the kitchen to get everything, but was back in no time. As Peter nicked the end of his finger to squeeze his venom into the spoon, Char took the lids off the bottles. I looked to Sue and Charlie. "I have had their venoms in my system before. They will not harm me or the babies. The only thing that will happen is the babies will be added in our bonds. They will feel the babies in the piece of my soul that they carry. The babies will know them through the ones I carry. There is no danger. I promise."
Char had put her venom in the three bottles along with Peter's, and Jasper was now putting his in the spoon. He dropped it in the last bottle, so Char quickly added the extracts to the bottles. As the last extract went into the bottles, they each grabbed one, replaced the lids, then shook them to mix the contents.
Char pulled a bendy straw from her back pocket, putting it in the water that Jasper was opening again. He held the straw to my lips. I took a long draw on the straw, swallowed, then closed my eyes to see what the results would be. Instantly I felt a little better. Jake needed to be warmer, though.
Before I could open my eyes to talk to him, his heat rose several degrees. I smiled as I opened my eyes. "Thanks, Jake. Just as soon as I knew you needed to be warmer, your temp rose several degrees. The water mixture is working, but I can't guzzle them down."
I looked at Jasper then, "Jake can't go too far from me until tomorrow at the 24 hour mark of when he started the heat. I need one bottle of water for every hour until that time. Lying down is best, but for the second half, I can be partially sitting. The babies have implanted, but my womb still needs to build the blood supply up some more since I just had my cycle. Jake's heat and some of my energy will go to pushing blood to the area, building a safe home for the babies to grow. I will need to draw energy periodically to keep my levels up, but only then should I go outside. We need to be meticulous about making sure the milk and blood flow together well over the next 24 hours. We'll have to do that every time I get too warm and Jake stops to take a break. The babies and my body need to get to a certain point in the next few days before my turning. That's why the next day is crucial. The babies have to basically go through the first trimester in this 24 hour period. To do that, my temperature needs to be between 102 and 105 degrees in my tummy area. After I turn, which will not take three days, by the way, the babies will progress normally through the rest of the pregnancy. They will be born just under twenty-eight weeks from my turning. Shit, we need Carlisle in here for this. He needs to know."
Carlisle sat down near my feet, then placed his hands on my ankles. "I was at the doorway. I didn't want to come in without your permission. Please continue, Dear."
He gently rubbed my feet and ankles, so I hummed. "That feels really good."
He moved his position slightly, then asked, "Can I elevate your feet or will it be detrimental?"
I nodded with a smile, "Elevation is good... more blood flowing toward the babies."
He placed my feet over his legs, then continued the foot and ankle massage, so I smiled. I remembered I was supposed to be talking. I opened my eyes to look at Carlisle, "Sorry, it just feels really good. Umm, the babies. They need to go through the first trimester quickly. We'll need the donated blood on hand for when I wake from my turning. As much blood as would fill three human adults. Dad? You can say no and I'll understand. Would you mind donating blood once tonight and once during my turning process? Carlisle can collect it just like you would do at a blood drive. It would be very good for me and the babies, as I am half you. Mom isn't here, and there's no way she can know about all this, so I can't ask her."
He nodded enthusiastically. "Of course, Princess. As soon as you finish telling us what's needed and Doc is ready. I'll donate as many times as Doc feels comfortable with."
I smiled, "Thanks, Dad. Now, during the turning, everything needed for the babies and my body to complete the pregnancy will be enhanced by the venom. After the birth, they will go into stasis. I won't need food, air, or a heartbeat after the turn for the pregnancy to complete, though. The blood I drink will go to them to take care of the heartbeat and half the food, while the energy they draw from me will take care of the air and the other half of food. Basically, the physical aspects of my body being able to expand and shift during the pregnancy and birth will be the same, but they will be stronger and better able to repair themselves after the birth. It will not make the area vulnerable. My body will be better capable of expanding with no stretch marks, and my hips won't break any easier than another vampire’s would during an attack. Just the opposite. They will be harder to break.”
I heard my mates release a collective breath of relief, then I continued. “After the babies are stable and before my turning, Carlisle, you'll need to do a full workup on me. You'll need to make sure my cervix is fully closed and strong by my mates donating venom. That's the only issue with the turn. If my cervix isn't in the best condition ever seen, the venom during the change will reject the babies and I'll miscarry."
I heard everyone gasp. "We'll make sure that doesn't happen by venoming my cervix and making it as strong as possible. I know this will work. I feel it."