Elemental Goddess by wizardtho
Chapter 1: The One Who Stayed
BPOV:
He left.
He. Left. Me.
He left me alone... in the woods.
He doesn't want me... they don't want me.
Edward. Alice. Jasper. Emmett. Rosalie. Jasper. Carlisle. Jasper. Esme. Jasper.
I couldn't stop the gut-wrenching sobs or screams from leaving me. I couldn't help screaming out for them not to leave me, as I was curled in a ball on the wet forest floor.
I don't remember a lot after I collapsed from the aching pain in my chest, but I do remember blonde waves, butterscotch eyes, and the honey-sweet drawl saying, “Don't worry, Darlin'. I'll take care of you.”
My eyes slid shut as a fog of lethargy swept slowly over me.
I knew I was dreaming, as I kept reliving the scene in the forest. What I couldn't understand, was why each time Edward started to turn his back to me for the last time, he turned into Jasper. The fact that Jasper leaving hurt more than Edward leaving... it baffled me. But every time Edward turned into Jasper as he walked away, my silent tears turned into gut-wrenching sobs.
Just as it was about to happen for the fourth time, I felt cool arms around me, along with that same honey-sweet drawl whispering, “You were havin' a nightmare, Darlin'. I'm here, and I won't let you go. Try to sleep some more. We'll talk when you wake.”
Burying my face in his chest, I felt his arms tighten around me as I whispered, “Closer, please.”
The next time I woke, I heard Charlie's cruiser backing out of the drive. I sat straight up in bed, looking frantically around the bedroom for him. I knew I heard his voice last night. Did he... leave me? My chest flared as I started gasping for breath. “Whoa, Darlin'. Slow down. I didn't leave. I promise. I just went to get you a cool washcloth. You were havin' a nightmare again. I thought it might help.”
I immediately looked toward the voice. Jasper was standing there in my doorway looking slightly panicked, holding up a washcloth from the bathroom as well as a glass of water.
As soon as he placed the glass on my nightstand, I was out of bed, literally throwing myself into his arms. He held me close as I breathed him in; I immediately started to relax. I barely noticed the words coming from my mouth as he sat us on the bed, me curling myself around him, “I thought you left. Please... it hurt more... please don't... I can't...”
Jasper trailed one hand slowly up and down my back while the other held my head to his chest, then he whispered in my ear. “Shhh. Shhh. I'm not going anywhere without you. I couldn't leave you. Darlin', we need to talk about a few things. Would you like help calming down for a minute?”
I tightened my arms and legs around him, then nodded into his chest. Serene waves of calm washed over me as I felt the cool dampness of the washcloth on my neck and face.
Slowly, I sat up with my eyes closed. Jasper passed the washcloth over the front of my neck, then across my collarbone. I opened my eyes as his palm brushed over my heart, then reached up with both hands. One took the cloth gently from his hand, while the other held his hand flat over my heart. I wasn't worried about his control... I knew that the party wasn't his fault. It was Edward's.
Jasper's fingers laced with mine, his large hand spanning from the top of my breast to my shoulder. I looked deep into his eyes and nodded slightly, hoping he could feel my gratitude as well as my hope. He leaned forward, kissed my forehead, then whispered, “Are you ready to talk now, Sugar?”
I blushed at the endearment, but nodded and whispered, “Yes.”
He set the washcloth on my nightstand, handed me the glass, and I drank a few sips. “Thank you, my throat was really raw.”
He set the glass back down, wrapped his arms completely around me, then pulled me back close to him. I was relishing in the feel of him so close but utterly confused as to what all this meant. Jasper, of course, felt it. “That's part of what we need to talk about, Darlin', but first thing's first. I need to tell you what happened last night. I will help with what you're feeling if you want me to.”
I nodded while burying myself closer to him, so he continued. “Do you remember what happened at the party? What the complete sequence was?”
I tightened my arms around him and sent him my understanding as I responded. “Before I even finished cutting my finger, I heard a slight growl coming from Edward. I looked up to you, saw the panic in your eyes, then the rage at Edward as you started moving our way. That's when Edward threw me into the table. I should have had him hunt. I knew... I just knew it had been too long since he'd hunted. You were trying to protect me when you heard him growl, weren't you?”
I felt him kiss the top of my head, his fingers slowly dancing up and down my spine. I melted into him as he answered, “Yes, I was. I didn't know if you knew what really happened. You have always been very perceptive, though. I had been getting flashes of feelings from him lately that I couldn't explain. Before I could get a lock on them, he would bury them. I would get flashes of obsession and possessiveness... I couldn't understand it. I caught a look from Alice to Edward right before you cut your finger, then he was boiling over with the same feelings. I finally was able to piece it together. It was his obsession for your blood, and possessiveness of you. I reacted instinctively to get you away from him, but I made it worse. I'm sorry about that.”
Jasper took a breath, then continued, “Before I could contain him and explain to everyone what happened, they thought I was attacking. I tried explaining to Alice, but she wouldn't listen. She just yelled at me saying she should have known I couldn't control myself for a few measly hours for her. For her. She never mentioned you once the whole time she was yelling. It was all about my lack of control, and her not being a babysitter. She knew, Darlin'... she knew before it happened.”
I shifted my whole body flush against his, placing a kiss on his neck. I nestled my face in close, then waited for him to finish. “I couldn't handle any more of her selfishness, so I ran. I thought and hunted for the next few days, trying to clear my head. When I returned to the house, everyone was packed up, ready to leave. Before I could even get the front door closed, Alice handed me divorce papers and walked away. Carlisle and Esme walked up to me, then said that they thought I should take time away from the family. As they walked out the door, I caught the looks of disappointment and pity on their faces. The last ones out the door were Rosalie and Emmett. They told me that Edward was breaking up with you right then… that I should call them in a week or so to let them know how I was doing and where I was located.”
He shook his head slightly, offering, “I was so stunned that I couldn't even think of what to say. I snapped out of it when I heard the moving trucks pulling out of the driveway behind their cars. My first thought was to get to you. Hopefully, I could make you see what really happened. Maybe you wouldn't hate me...”
I lifted, pressing my fingers to his lips as I placed kisses against his neck several times. His fingers danced along my spine while he whispered, “I know, Sugar, I feel it. I'm getting to that part. Bear with me.”
The hand that was not traveling my spine slowly made its way to the bare skin just above my jeans at my hip. He started making slow circles with it while the other still danced along my spine. “I ran from the house as fast as I could, to come straight here. I noticed that both of your scents were stronger near the woods, so I followed them. I heard you sobbing... I saw... you fall. You looked... so... broken.”
Jasper sounded like if he could cry, he would be. I pulled back enough to look at him just as a sob broke free from his chest. “If I could've stopped it from happening like that... If I would've been back a little sooner... Darlin', I'm so... so sorry.”
I wrapped myself around him once more, rubbing gentle circles on his back in time with his on my hip. It seemed to help calm him enough to continue. “I rushed to you, tried to calm you with my gift, whispered to you the whole way back here. I used minute traces of my venom to heal where your stitches broke open. Charlie wasn't home yet when I got you to your room, so he doesn't know what happened. Though, how rumors run in small towns, he probably knows the public story now. I hid in your closet when he checked on you last night, then came right back and curled around you, to help you sleep. You kept calling out, crying 'don't leave'. At first, it would be Edward you called for while your pain was moderate... then you called for me, sobbing my name over and over. Your pain was unbearable during that time. It happened a few times, like a cycle, before I could break you out of it by waking you. Darlin', can you explain your dream to me?”
I cleared my throat and prepared for the worst. He probably doesn't want me either... but I have to tell him. “I kept reliving what happened in the forest. I went through it 3 times. Every time Edward would turn from me to leave, the figure in front of me would change from Edward to you. It hurt to know that Edward was leaving, but when it was you turning to leave me, I broke. I couldn't breathe, and it felt like my chest was ripped wide open. I realized by the last time it happened, that it was you I couldn't bear to lose. It's always been you. I just tried to hide it because I couldn't separate you and Alice, no matter how much it hurt me.” I whispered the last part as I ducked my head, hoping to shield myself from what came next.
I felt his fingers lifting my chin, along with him whispering for me to look at him. I did, and all my feelings for him flowed out of me before I could reign them in. His forehead touched mine as he smiled gently, “Please, Sugar. Never hide that from me. That was the purest love I have ever felt. Let me in, please?”
I let everything flow from me again, then he gasped a whispered 'yes'. “How long? How long have you felt this way about me, Darlin'?”
I closed my eyes, my answer one word, “Phoenix.”
His eyes brightened with realization, “It was never directed at him, was it? Oh, Darlin'. I've wasted so much time. I never thought you could feel that for me. Alice and Edward always worked to keep us away from each other. We were never alone in the same room, so I never let myself hope that you were feeling that for me.”
His hand traveling my spine settled on my other hip, the circles becoming larger on both sides, his eyes darting to my lips. Going for broke, I leaned so that my lips were just millimeters from his, then whispered into his mouth, “I love you, Jazz.”
He left.
He. Left. Me.
He left me alone... in the woods.
He doesn't want me... they don't want me.
Edward. Alice. Jasper. Emmett. Rosalie. Jasper. Carlisle. Jasper. Esme. Jasper.
I couldn't stop the gut-wrenching sobs or screams from leaving me. I couldn't help screaming out for them not to leave me, as I was curled in a ball on the wet forest floor.
I don't remember a lot after I collapsed from the aching pain in my chest, but I do remember blonde waves, butterscotch eyes, and the honey-sweet drawl saying, “Don't worry, Darlin'. I'll take care of you.”
My eyes slid shut as a fog of lethargy swept slowly over me.
I knew I was dreaming, as I kept reliving the scene in the forest. What I couldn't understand, was why each time Edward started to turn his back to me for the last time, he turned into Jasper. The fact that Jasper leaving hurt more than Edward leaving... it baffled me. But every time Edward turned into Jasper as he walked away, my silent tears turned into gut-wrenching sobs.
Just as it was about to happen for the fourth time, I felt cool arms around me, along with that same honey-sweet drawl whispering, “You were havin' a nightmare, Darlin'. I'm here, and I won't let you go. Try to sleep some more. We'll talk when you wake.”
Burying my face in his chest, I felt his arms tighten around me as I whispered, “Closer, please.”
The next time I woke, I heard Charlie's cruiser backing out of the drive. I sat straight up in bed, looking frantically around the bedroom for him. I knew I heard his voice last night. Did he... leave me? My chest flared as I started gasping for breath. “Whoa, Darlin'. Slow down. I didn't leave. I promise. I just went to get you a cool washcloth. You were havin' a nightmare again. I thought it might help.”
I immediately looked toward the voice. Jasper was standing there in my doorway looking slightly panicked, holding up a washcloth from the bathroom as well as a glass of water.
As soon as he placed the glass on my nightstand, I was out of bed, literally throwing myself into his arms. He held me close as I breathed him in; I immediately started to relax. I barely noticed the words coming from my mouth as he sat us on the bed, me curling myself around him, “I thought you left. Please... it hurt more... please don't... I can't...”
Jasper trailed one hand slowly up and down my back while the other held my head to his chest, then he whispered in my ear. “Shhh. Shhh. I'm not going anywhere without you. I couldn't leave you. Darlin', we need to talk about a few things. Would you like help calming down for a minute?”
I tightened my arms and legs around him, then nodded into his chest. Serene waves of calm washed over me as I felt the cool dampness of the washcloth on my neck and face.
Slowly, I sat up with my eyes closed. Jasper passed the washcloth over the front of my neck, then across my collarbone. I opened my eyes as his palm brushed over my heart, then reached up with both hands. One took the cloth gently from his hand, while the other held his hand flat over my heart. I wasn't worried about his control... I knew that the party wasn't his fault. It was Edward's.
Jasper's fingers laced with mine, his large hand spanning from the top of my breast to my shoulder. I looked deep into his eyes and nodded slightly, hoping he could feel my gratitude as well as my hope. He leaned forward, kissed my forehead, then whispered, “Are you ready to talk now, Sugar?”
I blushed at the endearment, but nodded and whispered, “Yes.”
He set the washcloth on my nightstand, handed me the glass, and I drank a few sips. “Thank you, my throat was really raw.”
He set the glass back down, wrapped his arms completely around me, then pulled me back close to him. I was relishing in the feel of him so close but utterly confused as to what all this meant. Jasper, of course, felt it. “That's part of what we need to talk about, Darlin', but first thing's first. I need to tell you what happened last night. I will help with what you're feeling if you want me to.”
I nodded while burying myself closer to him, so he continued. “Do you remember what happened at the party? What the complete sequence was?”
I tightened my arms around him and sent him my understanding as I responded. “Before I even finished cutting my finger, I heard a slight growl coming from Edward. I looked up to you, saw the panic in your eyes, then the rage at Edward as you started moving our way. That's when Edward threw me into the table. I should have had him hunt. I knew... I just knew it had been too long since he'd hunted. You were trying to protect me when you heard him growl, weren't you?”
I felt him kiss the top of my head, his fingers slowly dancing up and down my spine. I melted into him as he answered, “Yes, I was. I didn't know if you knew what really happened. You have always been very perceptive, though. I had been getting flashes of feelings from him lately that I couldn't explain. Before I could get a lock on them, he would bury them. I would get flashes of obsession and possessiveness... I couldn't understand it. I caught a look from Alice to Edward right before you cut your finger, then he was boiling over with the same feelings. I finally was able to piece it together. It was his obsession for your blood, and possessiveness of you. I reacted instinctively to get you away from him, but I made it worse. I'm sorry about that.”
Jasper took a breath, then continued, “Before I could contain him and explain to everyone what happened, they thought I was attacking. I tried explaining to Alice, but she wouldn't listen. She just yelled at me saying she should have known I couldn't control myself for a few measly hours for her. For her. She never mentioned you once the whole time she was yelling. It was all about my lack of control, and her not being a babysitter. She knew, Darlin'... she knew before it happened.”
I shifted my whole body flush against his, placing a kiss on his neck. I nestled my face in close, then waited for him to finish. “I couldn't handle any more of her selfishness, so I ran. I thought and hunted for the next few days, trying to clear my head. When I returned to the house, everyone was packed up, ready to leave. Before I could even get the front door closed, Alice handed me divorce papers and walked away. Carlisle and Esme walked up to me, then said that they thought I should take time away from the family. As they walked out the door, I caught the looks of disappointment and pity on their faces. The last ones out the door were Rosalie and Emmett. They told me that Edward was breaking up with you right then… that I should call them in a week or so to let them know how I was doing and where I was located.”
He shook his head slightly, offering, “I was so stunned that I couldn't even think of what to say. I snapped out of it when I heard the moving trucks pulling out of the driveway behind their cars. My first thought was to get to you. Hopefully, I could make you see what really happened. Maybe you wouldn't hate me...”
I lifted, pressing my fingers to his lips as I placed kisses against his neck several times. His fingers danced along my spine while he whispered, “I know, Sugar, I feel it. I'm getting to that part. Bear with me.”
The hand that was not traveling my spine slowly made its way to the bare skin just above my jeans at my hip. He started making slow circles with it while the other still danced along my spine. “I ran from the house as fast as I could, to come straight here. I noticed that both of your scents were stronger near the woods, so I followed them. I heard you sobbing... I saw... you fall. You looked... so... broken.”
Jasper sounded like if he could cry, he would be. I pulled back enough to look at him just as a sob broke free from his chest. “If I could've stopped it from happening like that... If I would've been back a little sooner... Darlin', I'm so... so sorry.”
I wrapped myself around him once more, rubbing gentle circles on his back in time with his on my hip. It seemed to help calm him enough to continue. “I rushed to you, tried to calm you with my gift, whispered to you the whole way back here. I used minute traces of my venom to heal where your stitches broke open. Charlie wasn't home yet when I got you to your room, so he doesn't know what happened. Though, how rumors run in small towns, he probably knows the public story now. I hid in your closet when he checked on you last night, then came right back and curled around you, to help you sleep. You kept calling out, crying 'don't leave'. At first, it would be Edward you called for while your pain was moderate... then you called for me, sobbing my name over and over. Your pain was unbearable during that time. It happened a few times, like a cycle, before I could break you out of it by waking you. Darlin', can you explain your dream to me?”
I cleared my throat and prepared for the worst. He probably doesn't want me either... but I have to tell him. “I kept reliving what happened in the forest. I went through it 3 times. Every time Edward would turn from me to leave, the figure in front of me would change from Edward to you. It hurt to know that Edward was leaving, but when it was you turning to leave me, I broke. I couldn't breathe, and it felt like my chest was ripped wide open. I realized by the last time it happened, that it was you I couldn't bear to lose. It's always been you. I just tried to hide it because I couldn't separate you and Alice, no matter how much it hurt me.” I whispered the last part as I ducked my head, hoping to shield myself from what came next.
I felt his fingers lifting my chin, along with him whispering for me to look at him. I did, and all my feelings for him flowed out of me before I could reign them in. His forehead touched mine as he smiled gently, “Please, Sugar. Never hide that from me. That was the purest love I have ever felt. Let me in, please?”
I let everything flow from me again, then he gasped a whispered 'yes'. “How long? How long have you felt this way about me, Darlin'?”
I closed my eyes, my answer one word, “Phoenix.”
His eyes brightened with realization, “It was never directed at him, was it? Oh, Darlin'. I've wasted so much time. I never thought you could feel that for me. Alice and Edward always worked to keep us away from each other. We were never alone in the same room, so I never let myself hope that you were feeling that for me.”
His hand traveling my spine settled on my other hip, the circles becoming larger on both sides, his eyes darting to my lips. Going for broke, I leaned so that my lips were just millimeters from his, then whispered into his mouth, “I love you, Jazz.”