When Angels Cry
by wizardtho
Chapter 3: What In Unholy Hell Happened?!
Life with my dad was good. I ended up meeting Dr. and Mrs. Cullen just before New Year's eve, because they stopped by before heading into Port Angeles to see how I liked the house. They were an extremely beautiful couple, and though neither one of them looked old enough to have kids my age, Dad explained to me after they left about all of the kids being adopted. The one thing I couldn't get over, though, was their odd but striking molten-gold eyes.
Something about them struck a chord deep inside me... like my very soul knew a pair of eyes that color. As I went to bed that night, my dreams were filled with the unidentifiable sweet and homey scent that had filled my room since I got here, along with molten-gold eyes -that were so similar, yet different from Dr. Cullen's- looking at me with more love than I could ever fathom.
Then the oddest thing happened when winter break ended and school started back up. I caught sight of the Cullen kids coming into the cafeteria, my heart practically leaping out of my chest at the wild bronze-haired Adonis walking into the room. His eyes caught mine from across the cafeteria at one point, and I could have sworn he was seeing straight into my soul.
Skip ahead to Birthday (because we all know the main points in Twilight. Just picture Edward as NOT being a cocky jerk.)
School had been back in session for several weeks, with me being a senior, my 18th birthday showing up seemingly out of nowhere. I dreaded getting older as my Edward stayed eternally young, because he abhorred the thought of dooming me to an eternity of being like him. He always changed the subject when I brought up us spending eternity together, but I could practically feel myself dying inside at the thought of not being with him.
We're mates, after all. Even if he liked to tell himself otherwise, I knew there would never be another for me. There was never one before him, there could never be one after... I just knew it deep in my soul.
Mom and Phil sent me a bunch of new books, along with an awesome little digital camera, with all of the accessories. Apparently, I had been lacking on sending the promised pictures, so now she was demanding, in her less-than-subtle way. I laughed it off, actually loving the camera, but Dad said, “You'll need to stop slacking now, it looks like. Well, it's not a camera, but I thought you'd like this.”
He handed me a card envelope. After I got done reading the beautiful card inside, I spied the Lowes label on the gift card envelope. I squealed, tearing the tiny envelope apart, then looked at my dad with tears in my eyes. “This is... way too much. Are you sure?”
He beamed at me, saying, “That should give you enough to get those new tools for the workbench that you've been looking at.”
I nodded excitedly, practically tackling him in a hug, and heard Dad chuckle at the knock on the door, “Come in, Edward, before she tackles me to death. My word, you pack a wallop, Princess.”
Edward made his entrance, smiling widely at the two of us, but I blushed as I spied the single rose in his hand. I had woken up to a single burgundy rose resting on the pillow he always leaned against.
Burgundy meant unconscious beauty. The rose he was currently holding was lavender, showing how he was enchanted by me. I never understood how he could feel such things for me, but it made me melt inside at the thought of him showing how he saw me through flowers.
After giving Dad one more kiss to his cheek, he released me to Edward, saying that he was going to head to the station.
Edward pulled me gently into his arms while whispering softly, “You take my breath away, every time I lay eyes on you, Isabella... you enchant me, utterly and completely.”
I nuzzled into his neck, taking in his distinct scent before whispering, “I love you, my lion.”
He smiled into my shoulder, whispering in reply, “As I love you, my little lamb.”
After taking a minute to revel in feeling close, I placed the lavender rose in the vase that already contained my burgundy one, then we were off to school.
All day long, when I wasn't trying to get everyone to forget my birthday, I would receive 'this is how I feel about you' flowers from Edward. The first was when I opened my locker before homeroom. There was a single stem, filled with a bunch of tiny heliotrope blooms, in a little water vial. I had to think for a second before I remembered that heliotropes meant 'devotion and eternal love'.
My heart filled with hope at the prospect, along with my love for him. I managed to choke out an I love you before we made our way to our classes.
Those moments continued, as the second at-school flower greeted me at my desk when I reached second period. A single pink camellia waited for me, showing me that my Edward was longing for me while we were separated.
When I walked into third period, Edward immediately nuzzled into my neck, whispering, “I missed you, Love.” He kissed my neck before handing me a beautiful little purple violet bloom. He was telling me silently that he thought of me often while we were parted.
Throughout that day, I also received several daffodils which represented his joy and happiness with me, a combination of a ginger flower and white heather to signify his need to protect me and keep me safe, queen anne's lace to represent me being his sanctuary and haven, the combination of lotus and red hyacinth in remembrance of my mysteriously silent mind and his playfulness about always wondering what I'm thinking, as well as a star of bethlehem and red rose to signify the purity of his love for me.
The bouquet that all of the different flowers made in my locker was a symbolic and heartfelt gesture of Edward's feelings for me in physical form, causing my eyes to brim with tears as I gathered them all together to hold them carefully to my chest. He brushed the backs of his fingers along my cheek as he smiled tenderly, then said, “You, Isabella, are more precious to me than these flowers can ever symbolize, but it is the only safe way that I can show you right now.”
I knew he was talking about it not being safe to make love to me, since my barrier was still intact. He was scared of hurting me during our lovemaking. I was right in my assumption, when he showed me several yellow irises and an anthurium bloom, letting me know he strongly desired to be my lover.
I nuzzled into his chest while whispering a barely audible, “I know, my lion, and feel the same.”
He kissed the top of my head as he tightened his arms slightly around me, then let out a long breath, “We should get going to your house. Alice is insisting that we not be late.”
I grumbled about not wanting a fuss to be made, but at his reminder that they didn't get to celebrate birthdays any longer, I caved and made my way out to the parking lot with my arms full of flowers.
My Dad took a picture of Edward and I together before we left for the Cullen house, then handed the camera to Edward, saying, “Make sure you get pictures, because she'll need to send something to her mother, before she has a conniption fit and flies up here.”
Edward chuckled as he helped me with my coat, “I'll make sure of it, Chief. Did you convince the guys to come for poker night?”
Dad scowled, then said, “Not the guys from down to the rez, but the guys off-duty from the station are coming.”
I felt sad, because I knew it was partly my fault. A bunch of the Quileute boys shift into gigantic wolves. Though they have a treaty with the Cullens, anyone who associates closely with the Cullens isn't a friend of the rez in their books. Dad refusing to put stock in their babbling about the Cullens didn’t help, but him allowing the Cullens to fix the house made it so much worse. Me being with Edward was the last straw, and the end of our being welcome anywhere on rez land.
The party actually started out great, though Alice went overboard with decorations. Rose and I talked about what tools I was going to get with my gift card from Dad, while Emmett tried to get me to take my truck trail jumping for the millionth time. Esme and Carlisle watched all of us interacting with loving and indulgent smiles on their faces, Jasper talked to me about the newest books my mom sent me, and Alice was talking about taking me on another shopping spree.
My Edward was right next to me the whole time, either holding my hand while gently rubbing circles on my palm, or kissing my shoulder as he whispered his love for me.
It all went south, though, as I cut my finger opening the envelope to one of my gifts. I got a paper cut, which only drew a single drop of blood, but I watched in horror as every single pair of eyes in the room darkened. It all happened so fast... as soon as I heard two different tenors of growls, Edward was launching me backwards, then he and Jasper were charging each other.
My landing only made it worse, because I happened to land pretty hard on the glass table that was filled with unused crystal plates and glasses. The force of my fall made the table break, which in turn broke all of the crystal, resulting in my arm being sliced open pretty badly.
Carlisle rushed to me as he barked out orders for the others to get Edward and Jasper out of the house. Then, as I noticed that his eyes were back to that molten-gold color, I called to Alice, “Make sure he knows, Ali. It wasn't his fault. Please tell him that I don't blame him.”
She nodded sadly only a second before dashing out of the house toward her mate.
Edward was silent on the way to take me home. Though I could feel that something was wrong, he wouldn't talk to me about it. It made me feel uneasy, and I knew the answer when I asked, “Will you stay?”
He averted his eyes toward the direction of the Cullen house, saying in an almost monotonous tone, “I can't, Love. I need to be there tonight, with everything that happened. I'll call you when all is clear, but I need to go.”
I nodded sadly, but he barely brushed his lips against mine before he was back behind the wheel of his Volvo.
I didn't sleep well that Friday night, feeling like something was truly wrong. The next day, Saturday, proved to be no better. Edward wasn't responding to any of my texts or left messages.
By the 24-hour mark of when I had last seen him, a panic started building deep inside me. I couldn't put my finger on it, but something was clawing at me -deep inside- telling me that I needed my Edward to come back to me... and soon.
Sunday my chest was aching badly... feeling as if it had been ripped open... yet there was still no word from my Edward. Peaceful sleep was nowhere to be found.
I didn't see Edward again until Monday, when I returned home from school. By the pained look on his face, I just knew something was seriously wrong. I immediately hopped out of the truck to meet him at the tree line, but his features seemed to clear into an emotionless mask as he said, “Walk with me, please.”
I nodded, since we had walked these woods whenever there was a vampire-sensitive conversation on the agenda, but he turned and walked ahead of me without even so much as taking my hand or kissing my temple.
The ache in my chest turned into a searing pain, with me longing to feel him in any sense, but fearing that he was going to end our relationship. Silent tears fell from my eyes as the pain worsened, so I frustratedly tried to wipe at them with my sleeves and hands as I walked behind Edward.
It was a short walk, then Edward suddenly inhaled before turning around. His eyes went wide at something he saw while looking over me, but I couldn't stop the sob that ripped from my chest as Edward frantically asked me what was wrong. He hurriedly looked over me, like he was checking for injuries, rushing out, “Oh, God, Love. I can't tell where it's coming from with it all over you like this. I need to get you back home -cleaned up- so I know how to stop it.”
I didn't understand what he was talking about, but the gut-wrenching cries continued to force their way out of my chest as Edward whipped me up into his arms before dashing for the cottage. He walked me right in through the patio door connected to my room, then into the bathroom.
Without setting me down, he started the water for the shower, got three towels from the cabinet before placing two on the warming rack, then set me down only long enough to say, “I need to rip these, Love.”
With that, he toed off his socks and shoes as he removed mine, then ripped his jeans and shirt off with one hand, while ripping mine off with the other. That left him in his boxers, me in my bra and boyshorts. He just hurriedly picked me back up before walking us both into the shower.
“Can you tell me where it hurts love? Where you're injured?”
He was trying to tenderly wash the blood off of my hands and arms as he spoke, but I just kept thinking about why he would do this if he was just going to leave me afterward. I managed to choke out, “Heart... pain... going to leave.”
Edward's eyes went wide as another sob ripped from my throat. He lifted my chin enough to look into my eyes, but my vision was blurred, my whole body filled with pain at the thought of never seeing him again. I tried to lift my hands to wipe my eyes again, but Edward said, “Shh... I'm not leaving, my sweet little lamb. Close your eyes for me, so I can get the blood off of your face, then I will explain why I haven't spoken to you in the last few days. I promise I'm not leaving you.”
Hope filled me, trying to drown out the pain, so I shakily asked, “Not leaving? Not... ending us?”
Edward hugged me tight to him, then said fervently, “No... I can't be without you, Isabella. I can't. There's no existence for me without you in it. That's part of what I came to tell you. Now let's get you cleaned up, so that I can see where the bleeding is coming from.”
He wiped my eyes again, then took the cloth and gently but quickly cleaned my face. He continued down my neck, to the line where my bra met my breasts, then started cleaning my arms and hands. My crying continued, though at a slowly decreasing rate. Every once in awhile Edward would run the cloth over my face again.
I kept my eyes closed as he tended to me, loving the feeling of his tender attention, then finally his hands slowed as he cleaned my face again. He gasped then, whispering, “It couldn't be, could it? Love, open your eyes for me, please. I need to see something.”
I opened my eyes, then blinked a few times to rid my eyes of the blurriness, which caused Edward's breath to hitch. Before I could ask him what was wrong, Edward wrapped his arms around me before saying, “I need to call Carlisle to come, Love. Can you stay here while I call him, then I'll help you get dried and dressed? I won't leave the room.”
I nodded as I blinked again, managed to get out one of those after-a-hard-cry hiccuping breaths, then rubbed my fist against my aching heart. At seeing this, Edward pressed his lips to the skin over my heart for a long moment. The ache eased a tiny bit at his gesture, then I leaned my hands against the wall to let the hot water run over me while listening intently to make sure Edward didn't leave.
He didn't, and after a quick phone call with him talking at vampire speed, I heard his phone click shut as he was peeking his head back into the shower. He held his hand out to me, then said, “Turn for me, please. Let the water run over your face, then you can shut it off. I have your towels ready, and I've already dried off.”
I nodded, did as he asked, then turned to see him holding out one of my fluffy towels. I walked into it, so he wrapped it around me before guiding me toward the sink, where a completely new set of clothes was waiting for me.
I finally got up the nerve, as silent tears trickled down my face, to ask Edward what all the bleeding was about, “Edward? Why... (shuddered breath) am I bleeding? I didn't... (hiccuped breath) didn't fall or hit anything on the walk in the... in the woods.”
Edward cupped both of my cheeks, wiping my eyes as he said, “I don't think there's anything to be alarmed about, now that I know where the bleeding is coming from. I called Carlisle to confirm my suspicions, so he's on his way. Don't be alarmed, Love. I promise to explain once Carlisle can look you over.”
I nodded, feeling extremely weak, then whispered, “I'm so tired, Edward. I haven't slept since that night. I needed you.”
He kissed my lips lovingly as he wiped my face with the towel, then said, “I know. I'm so sorry, Isabella. Let's get you dried off and dressed, then I'll hold you close until Carlisle gets here.”
Carlisle came rushing in through the patio door to my room, which Edward had left wide open, only minutes after Edward settled me in his arms on the floor. He said I was still bleeding, so he didn't want to ruin my furniture or bedding.
Carlisle gasped loudly as I saw him look over me, then said cautiously, “You know what this means, Edward. There is no getting around it. The only thing we can do now, is figure out why she's still crying. We need to get her tears stopped before Charlie comes home. Have you explained to her about the last few days?”
I felt Edward shake his head, “No, I didn't get the chance. No sooner were we in the woods and I was assured of our privacy, then I smelled the blood... saw her practically covered in it. There was so much that I couldn't even determine where it was coming from. The only thing I've been able to get from her, is that she thought I was leaving her.”
Carlisle nodded, saying seriously, “Then I will give you time to explain. I will keep an ear out for Charlie's arrival.”
As soon as Carlisle was back out the door, Edward said, “I always thought -from day one- that if it was best for you, I would be able to leave you... if it would save you from something horrible happening, and me eventually losing you, that I could leave. I could be at peace with my decision.”
I stiffened in his arms, but he immediately placed a line of kisses along my shoulder as he said, “If your birthday proved anything, it's that I can never live without you. After I brought you home that night, I drove around for an hour or so, never leaving Forks. I was determined that my family was too dangerous to be around you again. I went home; we argued. They refused to leave, stating that it would never work, but I was adamant about keeping you safe, even from us. They told me to go, to try.”
He let out a shuddered breath before continuing, “Then as I ran... as I truly thought about leaving you... my chest flared with unimaginable pain. Without my mind's directive, my feet brought me to the woods behind your house. I laid there in that spot, frozen by the pain, until just before dawn when Jasper found me. It was the spot I was going to explain everything in earlier. That's where I was taking you, so that I could tell you that I can't live an eternity without you by my side... without feeling you in my arms.”
I let out a shaky breath, then he whispered as he kissed along my neck again. “Once Jasper got me stable, which took most of Saturday, I told the family everything. We talked about what happened that night. I could sense in Jasper's thoughts, that he was being bombarded with both my protectiveness and the bloodlust that hit everyone. With everything happening so quickly, I misjudged my strength when I pushed you behind me. Jasper's protectiveness won out at that moment, since mine was at its bursting point, and caused us both to charge. He was trying to protect you from me, while I was trying to protect you from everyone. It all spiraled from there.”
I nodded, thinking back to that night, then he said softly, “From that point on, once we hashed out what happened, we started forming plans for your change. My heart hurt so much not being with you, but no one wanted to risk your life again, so they were determined for us to hash out a few different contingency plans before anyone left.”
Edward and I talked for a while longer, without me realising how dark it was getting, when suddenly my whole back and spine felt like molten lava was being poured inside it. My body arched, twisting as a piercing scream tore out of my throat. Edward clutched me to him as he called for Carlisle in a panic. I twisted and arched, trying to claw at my back, just hoping to find a way to rip the pain out of me.
Carlisle dashed in through the door before I heard the telltale buzz of him speaking at vampire speed. Edward rushed out, “I don't care, Carlisle... just help her! Please!”
Then he grabbed my wrists in one of his hands, holding my chin tight with the other, saying, “Love, hold on for me. Please, look at me... look at and only focus on me. Just hold on for me, Love.”
Another piercing cry left my throat. Just as I wished for someone to make the pain stop, Dad burst through the door with his gun drawn. “Oh, shit! What in unholy hell happened? She's not ready for this yet! What did you do to her, because by the looks of things, whatever it was happened the night of her birthday. She's about 72 hours in, so you need to tell me what the fuck happened, Son.”
Edward held me tightly as I thrashed and screamed in pain, feeling like my flesh was being ripped from my bones. He choked out, “I tried to leave her, but I didn't tell her that. My family knew it wouldn't work, with how we're bound, but told me to try. It didn't work, and the pain I was in was unimaginable.”
I could feel warm hands grasping my shirt a second after I felt a hot trickling sensation down my skin, then Dad said, “I'm sorry Princess, but your shirt has to go. It's time, and your shirt is only making it more painful. Doc, go to the chest freezer in the garage. Grab about one-third of the bags of ice, and fill the tub with ice water. I know you probably keep blood on hand for her, so you need to call your wife or someone there. Tell them to bring all of the supply you have on hand, plus whatever hookups you need to give it to her. Edward, Son... I know you're worried, but you need to listen to me. Get her down to her underwear, and get her in the damn tub. Can you handle her blood? Have you desensitized yourself? If you haven't, then this whole process will be harder on both of you.”
I felt Edward nod into my shoulder, then he said in a choked voice, “The thought of leaving her has cured me of ever thinking I could hurt her. I won't hurt her. Just tell me what needs to be done... how long this is supposed to last. I can't stand seeing her in this pain and not being able to fix it.”
Charlie knelt down next to me, wiped the sticky hair from my face, then said, “Two more days until it's complete. Then you'll need to turn her into one of you. I know what you are, as you can tell. We'll talk about it all after she's calmer with you in the tub, so that's she's coherent enough to process what's told. Now strip her down to just her underwear, make sure that her bra is gone so that it doesn't get in the way, then get her in the tub. No delays.”
Life with my dad was good. I ended up meeting Dr. and Mrs. Cullen just before New Year's eve, because they stopped by before heading into Port Angeles to see how I liked the house. They were an extremely beautiful couple, and though neither one of them looked old enough to have kids my age, Dad explained to me after they left about all of the kids being adopted. The one thing I couldn't get over, though, was their odd but striking molten-gold eyes.
Something about them struck a chord deep inside me... like my very soul knew a pair of eyes that color. As I went to bed that night, my dreams were filled with the unidentifiable sweet and homey scent that had filled my room since I got here, along with molten-gold eyes -that were so similar, yet different from Dr. Cullen's- looking at me with more love than I could ever fathom.
Then the oddest thing happened when winter break ended and school started back up. I caught sight of the Cullen kids coming into the cafeteria, my heart practically leaping out of my chest at the wild bronze-haired Adonis walking into the room. His eyes caught mine from across the cafeteria at one point, and I could have sworn he was seeing straight into my soul.
Skip ahead to Birthday (because we all know the main points in Twilight. Just picture Edward as NOT being a cocky jerk.)
School had been back in session for several weeks, with me being a senior, my 18th birthday showing up seemingly out of nowhere. I dreaded getting older as my Edward stayed eternally young, because he abhorred the thought of dooming me to an eternity of being like him. He always changed the subject when I brought up us spending eternity together, but I could practically feel myself dying inside at the thought of not being with him.
We're mates, after all. Even if he liked to tell himself otherwise, I knew there would never be another for me. There was never one before him, there could never be one after... I just knew it deep in my soul.
Mom and Phil sent me a bunch of new books, along with an awesome little digital camera, with all of the accessories. Apparently, I had been lacking on sending the promised pictures, so now she was demanding, in her less-than-subtle way. I laughed it off, actually loving the camera, but Dad said, “You'll need to stop slacking now, it looks like. Well, it's not a camera, but I thought you'd like this.”
He handed me a card envelope. After I got done reading the beautiful card inside, I spied the Lowes label on the gift card envelope. I squealed, tearing the tiny envelope apart, then looked at my dad with tears in my eyes. “This is... way too much. Are you sure?”
He beamed at me, saying, “That should give you enough to get those new tools for the workbench that you've been looking at.”
I nodded excitedly, practically tackling him in a hug, and heard Dad chuckle at the knock on the door, “Come in, Edward, before she tackles me to death. My word, you pack a wallop, Princess.”
Edward made his entrance, smiling widely at the two of us, but I blushed as I spied the single rose in his hand. I had woken up to a single burgundy rose resting on the pillow he always leaned against.
Burgundy meant unconscious beauty. The rose he was currently holding was lavender, showing how he was enchanted by me. I never understood how he could feel such things for me, but it made me melt inside at the thought of him showing how he saw me through flowers.
After giving Dad one more kiss to his cheek, he released me to Edward, saying that he was going to head to the station.
Edward pulled me gently into his arms while whispering softly, “You take my breath away, every time I lay eyes on you, Isabella... you enchant me, utterly and completely.”
I nuzzled into his neck, taking in his distinct scent before whispering, “I love you, my lion.”
He smiled into my shoulder, whispering in reply, “As I love you, my little lamb.”
After taking a minute to revel in feeling close, I placed the lavender rose in the vase that already contained my burgundy one, then we were off to school.
All day long, when I wasn't trying to get everyone to forget my birthday, I would receive 'this is how I feel about you' flowers from Edward. The first was when I opened my locker before homeroom. There was a single stem, filled with a bunch of tiny heliotrope blooms, in a little water vial. I had to think for a second before I remembered that heliotropes meant 'devotion and eternal love'.
My heart filled with hope at the prospect, along with my love for him. I managed to choke out an I love you before we made our way to our classes.
Those moments continued, as the second at-school flower greeted me at my desk when I reached second period. A single pink camellia waited for me, showing me that my Edward was longing for me while we were separated.
When I walked into third period, Edward immediately nuzzled into my neck, whispering, “I missed you, Love.” He kissed my neck before handing me a beautiful little purple violet bloom. He was telling me silently that he thought of me often while we were parted.
Throughout that day, I also received several daffodils which represented his joy and happiness with me, a combination of a ginger flower and white heather to signify his need to protect me and keep me safe, queen anne's lace to represent me being his sanctuary and haven, the combination of lotus and red hyacinth in remembrance of my mysteriously silent mind and his playfulness about always wondering what I'm thinking, as well as a star of bethlehem and red rose to signify the purity of his love for me.
The bouquet that all of the different flowers made in my locker was a symbolic and heartfelt gesture of Edward's feelings for me in physical form, causing my eyes to brim with tears as I gathered them all together to hold them carefully to my chest. He brushed the backs of his fingers along my cheek as he smiled tenderly, then said, “You, Isabella, are more precious to me than these flowers can ever symbolize, but it is the only safe way that I can show you right now.”
I knew he was talking about it not being safe to make love to me, since my barrier was still intact. He was scared of hurting me during our lovemaking. I was right in my assumption, when he showed me several yellow irises and an anthurium bloom, letting me know he strongly desired to be my lover.
I nuzzled into his chest while whispering a barely audible, “I know, my lion, and feel the same.”
He kissed the top of my head as he tightened his arms slightly around me, then let out a long breath, “We should get going to your house. Alice is insisting that we not be late.”
I grumbled about not wanting a fuss to be made, but at his reminder that they didn't get to celebrate birthdays any longer, I caved and made my way out to the parking lot with my arms full of flowers.
My Dad took a picture of Edward and I together before we left for the Cullen house, then handed the camera to Edward, saying, “Make sure you get pictures, because she'll need to send something to her mother, before she has a conniption fit and flies up here.”
Edward chuckled as he helped me with my coat, “I'll make sure of it, Chief. Did you convince the guys to come for poker night?”
Dad scowled, then said, “Not the guys from down to the rez, but the guys off-duty from the station are coming.”
I felt sad, because I knew it was partly my fault. A bunch of the Quileute boys shift into gigantic wolves. Though they have a treaty with the Cullens, anyone who associates closely with the Cullens isn't a friend of the rez in their books. Dad refusing to put stock in their babbling about the Cullens didn’t help, but him allowing the Cullens to fix the house made it so much worse. Me being with Edward was the last straw, and the end of our being welcome anywhere on rez land.
The party actually started out great, though Alice went overboard with decorations. Rose and I talked about what tools I was going to get with my gift card from Dad, while Emmett tried to get me to take my truck trail jumping for the millionth time. Esme and Carlisle watched all of us interacting with loving and indulgent smiles on their faces, Jasper talked to me about the newest books my mom sent me, and Alice was talking about taking me on another shopping spree.
My Edward was right next to me the whole time, either holding my hand while gently rubbing circles on my palm, or kissing my shoulder as he whispered his love for me.
It all went south, though, as I cut my finger opening the envelope to one of my gifts. I got a paper cut, which only drew a single drop of blood, but I watched in horror as every single pair of eyes in the room darkened. It all happened so fast... as soon as I heard two different tenors of growls, Edward was launching me backwards, then he and Jasper were charging each other.
My landing only made it worse, because I happened to land pretty hard on the glass table that was filled with unused crystal plates and glasses. The force of my fall made the table break, which in turn broke all of the crystal, resulting in my arm being sliced open pretty badly.
Carlisle rushed to me as he barked out orders for the others to get Edward and Jasper out of the house. Then, as I noticed that his eyes were back to that molten-gold color, I called to Alice, “Make sure he knows, Ali. It wasn't his fault. Please tell him that I don't blame him.”
She nodded sadly only a second before dashing out of the house toward her mate.
Edward was silent on the way to take me home. Though I could feel that something was wrong, he wouldn't talk to me about it. It made me feel uneasy, and I knew the answer when I asked, “Will you stay?”
He averted his eyes toward the direction of the Cullen house, saying in an almost monotonous tone, “I can't, Love. I need to be there tonight, with everything that happened. I'll call you when all is clear, but I need to go.”
I nodded sadly, but he barely brushed his lips against mine before he was back behind the wheel of his Volvo.
I didn't sleep well that Friday night, feeling like something was truly wrong. The next day, Saturday, proved to be no better. Edward wasn't responding to any of my texts or left messages.
By the 24-hour mark of when I had last seen him, a panic started building deep inside me. I couldn't put my finger on it, but something was clawing at me -deep inside- telling me that I needed my Edward to come back to me... and soon.
Sunday my chest was aching badly... feeling as if it had been ripped open... yet there was still no word from my Edward. Peaceful sleep was nowhere to be found.
I didn't see Edward again until Monday, when I returned home from school. By the pained look on his face, I just knew something was seriously wrong. I immediately hopped out of the truck to meet him at the tree line, but his features seemed to clear into an emotionless mask as he said, “Walk with me, please.”
I nodded, since we had walked these woods whenever there was a vampire-sensitive conversation on the agenda, but he turned and walked ahead of me without even so much as taking my hand or kissing my temple.
The ache in my chest turned into a searing pain, with me longing to feel him in any sense, but fearing that he was going to end our relationship. Silent tears fell from my eyes as the pain worsened, so I frustratedly tried to wipe at them with my sleeves and hands as I walked behind Edward.
It was a short walk, then Edward suddenly inhaled before turning around. His eyes went wide at something he saw while looking over me, but I couldn't stop the sob that ripped from my chest as Edward frantically asked me what was wrong. He hurriedly looked over me, like he was checking for injuries, rushing out, “Oh, God, Love. I can't tell where it's coming from with it all over you like this. I need to get you back home -cleaned up- so I know how to stop it.”
I didn't understand what he was talking about, but the gut-wrenching cries continued to force their way out of my chest as Edward whipped me up into his arms before dashing for the cottage. He walked me right in through the patio door connected to my room, then into the bathroom.
Without setting me down, he started the water for the shower, got three towels from the cabinet before placing two on the warming rack, then set me down only long enough to say, “I need to rip these, Love.”
With that, he toed off his socks and shoes as he removed mine, then ripped his jeans and shirt off with one hand, while ripping mine off with the other. That left him in his boxers, me in my bra and boyshorts. He just hurriedly picked me back up before walking us both into the shower.
“Can you tell me where it hurts love? Where you're injured?”
He was trying to tenderly wash the blood off of my hands and arms as he spoke, but I just kept thinking about why he would do this if he was just going to leave me afterward. I managed to choke out, “Heart... pain... going to leave.”
Edward's eyes went wide as another sob ripped from my throat. He lifted my chin enough to look into my eyes, but my vision was blurred, my whole body filled with pain at the thought of never seeing him again. I tried to lift my hands to wipe my eyes again, but Edward said, “Shh... I'm not leaving, my sweet little lamb. Close your eyes for me, so I can get the blood off of your face, then I will explain why I haven't spoken to you in the last few days. I promise I'm not leaving you.”
Hope filled me, trying to drown out the pain, so I shakily asked, “Not leaving? Not... ending us?”
Edward hugged me tight to him, then said fervently, “No... I can't be without you, Isabella. I can't. There's no existence for me without you in it. That's part of what I came to tell you. Now let's get you cleaned up, so that I can see where the bleeding is coming from.”
He wiped my eyes again, then took the cloth and gently but quickly cleaned my face. He continued down my neck, to the line where my bra met my breasts, then started cleaning my arms and hands. My crying continued, though at a slowly decreasing rate. Every once in awhile Edward would run the cloth over my face again.
I kept my eyes closed as he tended to me, loving the feeling of his tender attention, then finally his hands slowed as he cleaned my face again. He gasped then, whispering, “It couldn't be, could it? Love, open your eyes for me, please. I need to see something.”
I opened my eyes, then blinked a few times to rid my eyes of the blurriness, which caused Edward's breath to hitch. Before I could ask him what was wrong, Edward wrapped his arms around me before saying, “I need to call Carlisle to come, Love. Can you stay here while I call him, then I'll help you get dried and dressed? I won't leave the room.”
I nodded as I blinked again, managed to get out one of those after-a-hard-cry hiccuping breaths, then rubbed my fist against my aching heart. At seeing this, Edward pressed his lips to the skin over my heart for a long moment. The ache eased a tiny bit at his gesture, then I leaned my hands against the wall to let the hot water run over me while listening intently to make sure Edward didn't leave.
He didn't, and after a quick phone call with him talking at vampire speed, I heard his phone click shut as he was peeking his head back into the shower. He held his hand out to me, then said, “Turn for me, please. Let the water run over your face, then you can shut it off. I have your towels ready, and I've already dried off.”
I nodded, did as he asked, then turned to see him holding out one of my fluffy towels. I walked into it, so he wrapped it around me before guiding me toward the sink, where a completely new set of clothes was waiting for me.
I finally got up the nerve, as silent tears trickled down my face, to ask Edward what all the bleeding was about, “Edward? Why... (shuddered breath) am I bleeding? I didn't... (hiccuped breath) didn't fall or hit anything on the walk in the... in the woods.”
Edward cupped both of my cheeks, wiping my eyes as he said, “I don't think there's anything to be alarmed about, now that I know where the bleeding is coming from. I called Carlisle to confirm my suspicions, so he's on his way. Don't be alarmed, Love. I promise to explain once Carlisle can look you over.”
I nodded, feeling extremely weak, then whispered, “I'm so tired, Edward. I haven't slept since that night. I needed you.”
He kissed my lips lovingly as he wiped my face with the towel, then said, “I know. I'm so sorry, Isabella. Let's get you dried off and dressed, then I'll hold you close until Carlisle gets here.”
Carlisle came rushing in through the patio door to my room, which Edward had left wide open, only minutes after Edward settled me in his arms on the floor. He said I was still bleeding, so he didn't want to ruin my furniture or bedding.
Carlisle gasped loudly as I saw him look over me, then said cautiously, “You know what this means, Edward. There is no getting around it. The only thing we can do now, is figure out why she's still crying. We need to get her tears stopped before Charlie comes home. Have you explained to her about the last few days?”
I felt Edward shake his head, “No, I didn't get the chance. No sooner were we in the woods and I was assured of our privacy, then I smelled the blood... saw her practically covered in it. There was so much that I couldn't even determine where it was coming from. The only thing I've been able to get from her, is that she thought I was leaving her.”
Carlisle nodded, saying seriously, “Then I will give you time to explain. I will keep an ear out for Charlie's arrival.”
As soon as Carlisle was back out the door, Edward said, “I always thought -from day one- that if it was best for you, I would be able to leave you... if it would save you from something horrible happening, and me eventually losing you, that I could leave. I could be at peace with my decision.”
I stiffened in his arms, but he immediately placed a line of kisses along my shoulder as he said, “If your birthday proved anything, it's that I can never live without you. After I brought you home that night, I drove around for an hour or so, never leaving Forks. I was determined that my family was too dangerous to be around you again. I went home; we argued. They refused to leave, stating that it would never work, but I was adamant about keeping you safe, even from us. They told me to go, to try.”
He let out a shuddered breath before continuing, “Then as I ran... as I truly thought about leaving you... my chest flared with unimaginable pain. Without my mind's directive, my feet brought me to the woods behind your house. I laid there in that spot, frozen by the pain, until just before dawn when Jasper found me. It was the spot I was going to explain everything in earlier. That's where I was taking you, so that I could tell you that I can't live an eternity without you by my side... without feeling you in my arms.”
I let out a shaky breath, then he whispered as he kissed along my neck again. “Once Jasper got me stable, which took most of Saturday, I told the family everything. We talked about what happened that night. I could sense in Jasper's thoughts, that he was being bombarded with both my protectiveness and the bloodlust that hit everyone. With everything happening so quickly, I misjudged my strength when I pushed you behind me. Jasper's protectiveness won out at that moment, since mine was at its bursting point, and caused us both to charge. He was trying to protect you from me, while I was trying to protect you from everyone. It all spiraled from there.”
I nodded, thinking back to that night, then he said softly, “From that point on, once we hashed out what happened, we started forming plans for your change. My heart hurt so much not being with you, but no one wanted to risk your life again, so they were determined for us to hash out a few different contingency plans before anyone left.”
Edward and I talked for a while longer, without me realising how dark it was getting, when suddenly my whole back and spine felt like molten lava was being poured inside it. My body arched, twisting as a piercing scream tore out of my throat. Edward clutched me to him as he called for Carlisle in a panic. I twisted and arched, trying to claw at my back, just hoping to find a way to rip the pain out of me.
Carlisle dashed in through the door before I heard the telltale buzz of him speaking at vampire speed. Edward rushed out, “I don't care, Carlisle... just help her! Please!”
Then he grabbed my wrists in one of his hands, holding my chin tight with the other, saying, “Love, hold on for me. Please, look at me... look at and only focus on me. Just hold on for me, Love.”
Another piercing cry left my throat. Just as I wished for someone to make the pain stop, Dad burst through the door with his gun drawn. “Oh, shit! What in unholy hell happened? She's not ready for this yet! What did you do to her, because by the looks of things, whatever it was happened the night of her birthday. She's about 72 hours in, so you need to tell me what the fuck happened, Son.”
Edward held me tightly as I thrashed and screamed in pain, feeling like my flesh was being ripped from my bones. He choked out, “I tried to leave her, but I didn't tell her that. My family knew it wouldn't work, with how we're bound, but told me to try. It didn't work, and the pain I was in was unimaginable.”
I could feel warm hands grasping my shirt a second after I felt a hot trickling sensation down my skin, then Dad said, “I'm sorry Princess, but your shirt has to go. It's time, and your shirt is only making it more painful. Doc, go to the chest freezer in the garage. Grab about one-third of the bags of ice, and fill the tub with ice water. I know you probably keep blood on hand for her, so you need to call your wife or someone there. Tell them to bring all of the supply you have on hand, plus whatever hookups you need to give it to her. Edward, Son... I know you're worried, but you need to listen to me. Get her down to her underwear, and get her in the damn tub. Can you handle her blood? Have you desensitized yourself? If you haven't, then this whole process will be harder on both of you.”
I felt Edward nod into my shoulder, then he said in a choked voice, “The thought of leaving her has cured me of ever thinking I could hurt her. I won't hurt her. Just tell me what needs to be done... how long this is supposed to last. I can't stand seeing her in this pain and not being able to fix it.”
Charlie knelt down next to me, wiped the sticky hair from my face, then said, “Two more days until it's complete. Then you'll need to turn her into one of you. I know what you are, as you can tell. We'll talk about it all after she's calmer with you in the tub, so that's she's coherent enough to process what's told. Now strip her down to just her underwear, make sure that her bra is gone so that it doesn't get in the way, then get her in the tub. No delays.”