Waiting For My Real Life To Begin
by Laura Spudzmom
Chapter 01
Charlie hung up the phone and breathed out in regret and not a little bit of relief. He had done all he could for the girl upstairs that was the daughter of his heart. Renee would be here very soon and he hoped with everything in him that she could make Isabella better; healthy and happy once again.
She had been an empty shell since Edward had left her; since that whole family had left really. It seemed to him as though she was mourning the whole family's absence and he was at a loss as to what to do for her.
The very next afternoon, he opened the door to a harried looking Renee and smiled sadly as he ushered her in.
"How is she now Charlie? Any change?"
He shook his head sadly. "None Renee. It's as though she's willing herself to die and it scares the hell out of me."
She met his gaze with the most serious expression he'd ever seen on her face.
"You don't know how right you may be with that statement Charlie."
She turned then and made her way up the stairs, leaving Charlie chilled to the bone at the thought of such a bright and promising young woman wasting away in such a manner.
He sat heavily in his favorite chair reflecting on the past and how he'd met Renee when she'd been heavily pregnant and all alone. His heart had been captured in an instant by the beautiful Renee and when she'd given birth to her precious daughter, he'd fallen in love with her too.
Renee had tried valiantly to make this small, rainy town her home but it had stifled something vital within her and he could see, she was wasting away here little by little.
It hadn't come as much of a shock to come home one day to find her packed up and saying good bye, but it had left a wound in his heart that bled a little bit to this very day.
His scant contact with Isabella hadn't helped much either and so he'd been shocked at her request to come and live with him just after she'd turned seventeen.
It was a happy surprise though and so he'd agreed readily, even redecorating the room that had been her nursery as a baby. He wasn't a man of many words after all, and he had hoped that she would see his efforts for what they were; his attempt to show her how much he loved and missed her.
He recalled the smile she wore as she took in the room for the first time upon her arrival and knew he'd been successful. They had always been able to understand each other over the years after all, even though neither was of the habit of putting their thoughts into words.
And so, he'd been shocked to find that he understood nothing of what she was going through or how to help the situation when the Cullen's left and she'd shut down completely. He was helpless and clueless.
He spent the next two days after Renee's arrival watching from the sidelines as she managed to get her daughter to bathe, dress and eat, but he didn't see much of an improvement.
His suspicions were confirmed when she sat down with him on her third day there and slumped over the table, head in hands before glancing up at him.
"She's not improving and I don't have the resources to help her. I'm going to have to take her with me Charlie.
We're going to have to go see her real father. Only he can help her now. I hope you understand. I don't want to take her from you, but this is the only way."
"Renee, you know that I'm not so selfish as to want to keep her here with me and watch her suffer when she could heal with her real father. Whatever it takes to make her better is what needs to happen."
Renee watched in shock as tears filled Charlie's eyes before he covered his face with both hands that trembled with his emotions as he shook his head back and forth slowly.
She reached over and rubbed his arm. "Charlie, we'll see her get better, try not to worry. I know it's difficult. I'm in the same boat as you. We're both helpless to the situation, but there is a solution to be had and I'm going to take her to him. I'll keep you posted every step of the way, alright?"
Rubbing his face with both hands to get rid of the tears, he blew out a breath and looked at her nodding.
"I appreciate that Renee. I know that you aren't obligated to, but I love her as if she was my own and always have. To see her waste away was killing me."
She smiled at him sadly. "You've always been such a good man Charlie. Much too good for the likes of me.
Bella is very lucky to have had you in her life. My only regret is not being able to stay with you all these years.
You would have been a wonderful full time father."
He looked away, staring out in the middle distance with a sad expression on his face as he pictured what could have been and Renee was once again assailed with guilt for what she'd put him through back then and all throughout Bella's childhood, really.
It was quite obvious to her that he'd never moved on from their relationship; never allowed himself to heal and she hated herself for that.
She'd taken advantage of his large and tender heart when she'd needed him and then she'd abandoned him just as she'd been abandoned by Isabella's real father.
It was a chain of emotional pain and damage that she had regretted involving Charlie in, but she'd had little choice back then, alone and without resources as she'd been. She'd had to think of her unborn child at the time, and so she'd done what she had to, no matter the cost to those involved.
She knew that Charlie had fallen in love with her but she just couldn't make herself love him in return, no matter how worthy of love he'd been.
She spoke then, startling him from his reverie.
"I'll call and book our tickets. Could you possibly give us a ride to the airport tomorrow? I'll try to make it a reasonable time so that it's not such an inconvenience for you. Is eleven or twelve a good time of day for you?"
He nodded. "Of course Renee. It's not a problem. I already have someone covering my shifts because of Bella's condition lately. One more day won't make a difference. I've hardly taken a vacation in the past twenty years, so the city really can't complain. Folks around here are pretty understanding when it comes to family priorities and such."
She smiled a small bitter smile at his words. She remembered a decidedly different type of people in this town, but then again, they seemed to see right through her when it came to her motives for being with their beloved Charlie Swan. She couldn't blame them really. They'd been dead on with their assessment of her after all.
She'd used him and then left him, just as they'd all secretly predicted and she knew they'd never forgive her for that, no matter what her motivation had been for doing so.
She looked at him for moments before deciding to speak her mind once and for all. Taking a deep breath, she pierced him with an intense look.
"Charlie, why haven't you moved on? Why haven't you found a decent and beautiful woman and had a real family? Because you deserve that Charlie. If there's anyone in this world that does, it's you. You have so much to give a wife and child Charlie. A wife who is truly free to love you. Why haven't you allowed yourself that?"
He looked away from her and shrugged a shoulder. "I always hoped that you'd come back to me and I wanted to be ready for that day. Before I knew it, the days turned to weeks, then months and then years."
He looked back at her.
"I got used to being alone really. I became comfortable with my routine of work and my quiet home life and hanging onto my hopes that maybe you'd decide that you loved and wanted me after all."
Her heart squeezed painfully in her chest as she watched a tear make it's way down his cheek, and she leaned in and hugged him to her. "Oh god Charlie, my sweet and nobel Charlie. If I could but go back in time and heal all the hurts and repair all the damage, I would. I'm so sorry Charlie, so sorry."
They held onto each other as they wept for the pain and the lost years and the regrets they both harbored in their hearts.
They wept for the pain they knew their daughter was going through.
And finally they wept because they knew that nothing they did or said would ever change a thing.
Charlie hung up the phone and breathed out in regret and not a little bit of relief. He had done all he could for the girl upstairs that was the daughter of his heart. Renee would be here very soon and he hoped with everything in him that she could make Isabella better; healthy and happy once again.
She had been an empty shell since Edward had left her; since that whole family had left really. It seemed to him as though she was mourning the whole family's absence and he was at a loss as to what to do for her.
The very next afternoon, he opened the door to a harried looking Renee and smiled sadly as he ushered her in.
"How is she now Charlie? Any change?"
He shook his head sadly. "None Renee. It's as though she's willing herself to die and it scares the hell out of me."
She met his gaze with the most serious expression he'd ever seen on her face.
"You don't know how right you may be with that statement Charlie."
She turned then and made her way up the stairs, leaving Charlie chilled to the bone at the thought of such a bright and promising young woman wasting away in such a manner.
He sat heavily in his favorite chair reflecting on the past and how he'd met Renee when she'd been heavily pregnant and all alone. His heart had been captured in an instant by the beautiful Renee and when she'd given birth to her precious daughter, he'd fallen in love with her too.
Renee had tried valiantly to make this small, rainy town her home but it had stifled something vital within her and he could see, she was wasting away here little by little.
It hadn't come as much of a shock to come home one day to find her packed up and saying good bye, but it had left a wound in his heart that bled a little bit to this very day.
His scant contact with Isabella hadn't helped much either and so he'd been shocked at her request to come and live with him just after she'd turned seventeen.
It was a happy surprise though and so he'd agreed readily, even redecorating the room that had been her nursery as a baby. He wasn't a man of many words after all, and he had hoped that she would see his efforts for what they were; his attempt to show her how much he loved and missed her.
He recalled the smile she wore as she took in the room for the first time upon her arrival and knew he'd been successful. They had always been able to understand each other over the years after all, even though neither was of the habit of putting their thoughts into words.
And so, he'd been shocked to find that he understood nothing of what she was going through or how to help the situation when the Cullen's left and she'd shut down completely. He was helpless and clueless.
He spent the next two days after Renee's arrival watching from the sidelines as she managed to get her daughter to bathe, dress and eat, but he didn't see much of an improvement.
His suspicions were confirmed when she sat down with him on her third day there and slumped over the table, head in hands before glancing up at him.
"She's not improving and I don't have the resources to help her. I'm going to have to take her with me Charlie.
We're going to have to go see her real father. Only he can help her now. I hope you understand. I don't want to take her from you, but this is the only way."
"Renee, you know that I'm not so selfish as to want to keep her here with me and watch her suffer when she could heal with her real father. Whatever it takes to make her better is what needs to happen."
Renee watched in shock as tears filled Charlie's eyes before he covered his face with both hands that trembled with his emotions as he shook his head back and forth slowly.
She reached over and rubbed his arm. "Charlie, we'll see her get better, try not to worry. I know it's difficult. I'm in the same boat as you. We're both helpless to the situation, but there is a solution to be had and I'm going to take her to him. I'll keep you posted every step of the way, alright?"
Rubbing his face with both hands to get rid of the tears, he blew out a breath and looked at her nodding.
"I appreciate that Renee. I know that you aren't obligated to, but I love her as if she was my own and always have. To see her waste away was killing me."
She smiled at him sadly. "You've always been such a good man Charlie. Much too good for the likes of me.
Bella is very lucky to have had you in her life. My only regret is not being able to stay with you all these years.
You would have been a wonderful full time father."
He looked away, staring out in the middle distance with a sad expression on his face as he pictured what could have been and Renee was once again assailed with guilt for what she'd put him through back then and all throughout Bella's childhood, really.
It was quite obvious to her that he'd never moved on from their relationship; never allowed himself to heal and she hated herself for that.
She'd taken advantage of his large and tender heart when she'd needed him and then she'd abandoned him just as she'd been abandoned by Isabella's real father.
It was a chain of emotional pain and damage that she had regretted involving Charlie in, but she'd had little choice back then, alone and without resources as she'd been. She'd had to think of her unborn child at the time, and so she'd done what she had to, no matter the cost to those involved.
She knew that Charlie had fallen in love with her but she just couldn't make herself love him in return, no matter how worthy of love he'd been.
She spoke then, startling him from his reverie.
"I'll call and book our tickets. Could you possibly give us a ride to the airport tomorrow? I'll try to make it a reasonable time so that it's not such an inconvenience for you. Is eleven or twelve a good time of day for you?"
He nodded. "Of course Renee. It's not a problem. I already have someone covering my shifts because of Bella's condition lately. One more day won't make a difference. I've hardly taken a vacation in the past twenty years, so the city really can't complain. Folks around here are pretty understanding when it comes to family priorities and such."
She smiled a small bitter smile at his words. She remembered a decidedly different type of people in this town, but then again, they seemed to see right through her when it came to her motives for being with their beloved Charlie Swan. She couldn't blame them really. They'd been dead on with their assessment of her after all.
She'd used him and then left him, just as they'd all secretly predicted and she knew they'd never forgive her for that, no matter what her motivation had been for doing so.
She looked at him for moments before deciding to speak her mind once and for all. Taking a deep breath, she pierced him with an intense look.
"Charlie, why haven't you moved on? Why haven't you found a decent and beautiful woman and had a real family? Because you deserve that Charlie. If there's anyone in this world that does, it's you. You have so much to give a wife and child Charlie. A wife who is truly free to love you. Why haven't you allowed yourself that?"
He looked away from her and shrugged a shoulder. "I always hoped that you'd come back to me and I wanted to be ready for that day. Before I knew it, the days turned to weeks, then months and then years."
He looked back at her.
"I got used to being alone really. I became comfortable with my routine of work and my quiet home life and hanging onto my hopes that maybe you'd decide that you loved and wanted me after all."
Her heart squeezed painfully in her chest as she watched a tear make it's way down his cheek, and she leaned in and hugged him to her. "Oh god Charlie, my sweet and nobel Charlie. If I could but go back in time and heal all the hurts and repair all the damage, I would. I'm so sorry Charlie, so sorry."
They held onto each other as they wept for the pain and the lost years and the regrets they both harbored in their hearts.
They wept for the pain they knew their daughter was going through.
And finally they wept because they knew that nothing they did or said would ever change a thing.
DISCLAIMER: Twilight and its inclusive material is copyright to Stephenie Meyer. Original creation, including but not limited to plot and characters, is copyright to the respective authors of each story. No copyright infringement is intended.