Waiting For My Real Life To Begin
by Laura Spudzmom
Chapter 33
Stefan’s eyes flashed open, his brows drawing together as he frowned, listening intently for whatever it was that had awoken him.
“Damn it! Hang on, I’ll get the light…” a voice whispered from downstairs, causing Stefan to shoot upright as he heard the distinct click of the lamp switch.
He couldn’t recognize the whispered voice, and that had him concerned. ‘Who wouldn’t be?’ he thought, at—he glanced at the clock—3:47 in the morning.
“Stefan?” Elena mumbled into her pillow beside him.
“Shh!”
She raised her head, a brow cocked over a sleepy eye before collapsing back onto the pillow. “Yeah, sure, okay…” she muttered before dropping off back to sleep.
As quietly as possible, he slipped out of bed and pulled on some jeans before creeping out the door and down the stairs. What he saw when he crept to the living room entry had his jaw dropping. “Damon?!”
Damon turned, barely having enough time to brace himself as Stefan grabbed him into a tight hug. His brows shot up and he exchanged a look with Jasper before returning the embrace, awkwardly patting his younger sibling on the back. “This is…unexpected,” he muttered just as Stefan drew away to look at him. Again, he was taken aback by the intense expression on his brother’s face.
“Bonnie told us what happened.”
Understanding lit Damon’s eyes and he nodded as Stefan kept a firm hold on his arms. “I’m so sorry, Damon, and I want you to know that I’m in this with you. I’m already searching, and we’ll get the bastard.”
Stefan released him and Damon nodded. “Oh, I know we’ll get him. I won’t give up until he’s dead for good,” he said while heading for a chair. He flopped into it and Stefan took another while glancing at the couple seated on the couch.
“Bella,” he said, his tone tentative, “it’s good to see you, sweetheart.” He frowned when her only response was a vacant stare and he narrowed his eyes at Damon, because that look in his niece’s eyes wasn’t normal.
“Yes, she’s under a heavy compulsion. I plan to lift it as soon as possible.”
“Now would be preferable,” the blond male seated next to Bella all but demanded and Stefan raised a brow at his brother who gestured with a hand to the one who had spoken.
“Stefan, meet Jasper Whitlock, my son-in-law. Jasper, this is my little brother, Stefan.”
Jasper gave a nod. “Pleased to meet you.” He cut his gaze back to Damon. “Take it off. Let’s get this over with.”
Damon narrowed his eyes. “Don’t you think we should settle in first, maybe get some sleep?”
Jasper stood, looking every inch the military officer he was as he faced off with his father-in-law. “You can sleep after you fix what you did to my wife.”
Damon scowled, surprised to realize he was a bit hurt by Jasper’s accusatory tone. “I did what I had to do. I thought you understood.”
Jasper gave him a curt nod. “And I do understand. Doesn’t mean I like it though. You said when we get somewhere safe. We’ve done that.”
Stefan was watching the exchange like one would watch a tennis match, his rapidly forming opinion of Bella’s husband rising by the second.
Damon rubbed his eyes. “Fine, I’ll do it now, but not here. Let’s get you settled into a room first.” With that, he got up and strode toward the stairs, pausing at the bottom for Jasper and Bella to join him. Before stepping on the first tread, he raised a brow. “You really prepared to handle her? Things might get ugly. Keep in mind, she’s heard all that’s been said. She knows exactly what happened and who’s responsible.”
“I married her, Damon. You expect me to turn tail now?”
Damon raised a brow. “Not to be an ass, but I recall a time when a certain someone got angry, left, and joined the Confederacy.”
Jasper’s nostrils flared and he looked away a beat before meeting Damon’s stare straight on. “I’m not proud of that, but I won’t make the same mistake again. I will deal with whatever I need to.”
Damon blinked, then he nodded. “Okay.”
He began climbing the stairs and led them to the same room Bella had used before. Opening the door, he flipped on the light and stood aside for Jasper to lead Bella in.
He crossed the room and sat her on the edge of the bed, standing aside as Damon knelt in front of her. “Baby girl, look at me,” he said while cupping her cheek. “I want you to focus on my eyes and my voice, all right?”
“All right,” she repeated.
“The past few days, you’ve been under a compulsion. Everything’s been like a dream where you couldn’t feel anything. I’m lifting that now. None of it was a dream, Bella, and now, you feel and remember everything with perfect clarity.”
“Perfect…clar…ity…”
He watched as her eyes cleared and stifled a cringe as they filled with pain and rage. “You…” she hissed. “How could you…?!” Tears sparkled in her eyes before spilling over and she slapped his hand away.
He stood. “I had to sweetheart, and I hope someday, you understand.” With that, he turned and left, closing the door behind him and leaving his trembling daughter alone with her husband.
Stefan was in the hall, now fully dressed and looking hesitant as he met Damon’s gaze. “That wasn’t as bad…” He trailed as a scream of pure pained fury rang throughout the house, followed by something heavy crashing against the wall from inside Bella’s room.
Damon smirked bitterly. “You were saying?”
Sounds of destruction accompanied by shrieks and crying continued to penetrate into the hall and Stefan’s door flew wide, a terrified looking Elena filling the space. “What’s happening?!” she asked Stefan before noticing Damon standing there. “Oh…oh god…is that Bella?”
Damon nodded. “Yes. I just lifted the compulsion she’s been under.”
“I think I get it,” she said, cutting him off as she tightened the robe around her. She glanced between the brothers. “I’m going down to make coffee. Feel free to join me.”
With one last glance at Bella’s door, Damon shook his head and headed down stairs with his brother.
~o0o~
With one last heave, the only piece of furniture in the room that’d been in tact, shattered, leaving huge gouges in the wall that matched all the others.
As she glared around the room, her chest heaved as her body continued to tremble with unbridled rage. She’d destroyed everything; the room and everything in it an absolute wreck. There was one corner though, where the destruction was minimal, and that was where Jasper sat, back against the wall, knees bent and arms resting atop them as he stared straight ahead, his face almost peaceful. “Are you finished?” he murmured, finally turning his head to meet her gaze.
She heaved out a few more shuddering breaths before reaching up to wipe the tears from her cheeks. “Jasper,” she said, her brow pinching as she went to him. Wordlessly, he opened his arms and she went gratefully.
For the next hour, she lay quietly, her head resting on his chest and eyes curiously dry as he ran gentle fingers through her hair. “I missed you,” he finally murmured and she tightened her hold on his shirt.
“I missed you,” she answered, quietly marveling at the measure of peace they’d found in this little corner on the floor. “Why do I feel so…” she searched for words and failed.
“Serene?” he supplied, his tone quiet, calm, sedate.
She nodded against him. “Yes, that’s it.”
“It’s something I thought I’d try. When your father lifted the compulsion…let’s just say your emotions were more than I could handle, so I sat here and focused. I guess this is the result.”
“It’s so… I guess it’s what I imagine the eye of the storm would be…quiet, safe for the moment, but surrounded by sheer hell.” Her emotions began to bleed into him again and he pushed back, relaxing her almost to the point of sleep. She yawned. “I feel like I could sleep for days…”
“Then go to sleep. You have the rest of the night and then we can start planning what we’re going to do tomorrow.”
“But…”
“Shh, there’s nothing we can do tonight. We need rest and we need to approach everything with clear minds.”
She blinked. “You’re right.”
Jasper reached over and grabbed a pillow she’d thrown and laid them down, his arms still wrapped securely around her. “I love you, Isabella.”
She glanced up to meet his gaze, her cheek still resting on his chest as her hand traced his face. “I love you too,” she said, her hand slipping to his shoulder as she slowly drifted to sleep.
Jasper breathed a sigh of relief when she fully relaxed against him, the emotions she’d unintentionally battered him with finally soothed into a naturally calm state without his influence. It allowed him to relax, but he found he couldn’t sleep. His mind was too full with not only pain and anger, but trepidation.
He glanced around the destroyed room, taking note of all that was unfamiliar to him. There had been some sort of flat, black glass item hanging on the wall that had buzzed and crackled when she’d shattered it. Smoke had risen from it and the thin black rope that attached it to the wall had sparked at the connection. It had been quite the light show in the darkened room.
An item that resembled an oil lamp had reacted in much the same way when a chair had crashed into it and he noticed it was also attached to the wall with a thin rope—this one light brown. There was no oil in it though, which he was thankful for, as it would’ve started a fire with how it had sparked.
He sighed, his head thumping against the wall as he wondered just how many differences he would encounter in this alien time, and what life would be like.
He felt…displaced and had to wonder if he would ever fully adjust. Then he glanced at Bella as his fingers absently ran through the silken strands of her hair and he knew he would. He would have to. This was his life now. She was his life. Everything else was inconsequential in comparison.
~o0o~
“Mama? I’m so sorry,” he whispered, the wavering, pleading tone clear to both of the beings listening from two floors below. “I didn’t…I never meant…please, Mama, don’t look at me that way…I can’t bear it…I’m sorry!”
Carlisle Cullen rubbed his brow, a deep frown on his face as he exchanged a glance with his wife. “What’s going on with him?” she whispered as they sat on the sofa in Carlisle’s study. They’d been listening to Edward babble and beg for the past hour and were clueless as to the cause.
“Do you think moving to this house has had an effect on him? I mean, he seemed fine when we first moved in. A little depressed over Bella, but still fine… But now…?”
Carlisle heaved a sigh as he considered the possibilities. It could be that the familiar house was affecting him, after all, the last few human memories he had of the place were traumatizing. But he’d accompanied Edward on many short trips here over the years to check on his childhood home and never once had the boy expressed anything negative about the place. He’d even been optimistic about the move here, so what had happened to turn him into this stammering mess?
In all their years together, he’d never seen Edward in such bad shape, not even after his rebellious period. “I just don’t know, Esme. He disappears for two days, comes back, won’t speak of where he went or why, and now this… I just don’t know what to make of it.”
“You have to speak to him. I’m afraid for him, Carlisle,” she said as she clutched his hand tightly. “He almost seems…ill.” He glanced at her and she bit her lip, looking for all the world like she wanted to cry. “You know what I mean…”
He did know. Edward was acting a great deal less than sane, and when a vampire reaches such a state…there isn’t much that can be done. It’s not as if any drug therapy will help…and if it reaches a certain point, destruction is the only solution.
He patted her hand. “I’ll speak to him.” He rose from his seat as she nodded.
“Good. I just…we already lost Alice and Jasper…I don’t want to lose any more.”
He leaned down and kissed her softly, the tips of his fingers skimming her soft cheek. “I know, and I’ll do everything in my power to prevent it.”
A wan smile and sorrow filled gaze was her response and he turned and left the study, apprehension churning in his gut as he climbed the stairs to reach Edward’s room. He paused at the door, hand raised to knock as he listened a moment.
“Daddy, please…I know, I shouldn’t have…yes, I deserve punishment, but I didn’t mean for that to happen! I swear, Daddy…please believe me!” His tone softened to a whisper and Carlisle stood there, riveted as the churning in his gut solidified to cold lead. “I know I’ve shamed you and Mama…I’m a bad son, vile, not worthy of your name or Car…Carlisle’s, for that matter…I deserve…death…”
His suspended hand clenched, his lips thinning into a tight line as his mind whirled…and then he knocked. “Edward? Son, may I come in?”
“Carlisle?” his tentative voice whispered. “Yes, I suppose so…”
He gripped the knob and turned, the hinges protesting as he pushed the door open to the spacious room. His gaze fell immediately to where Edward had curled himself into the corner, his eyes peeking up over bent knees, his arms wrapped tightly around his legs. He looked as though he was trying to disappear.
His hair, usually artfully messy, was now a riotous mess atop his head, looking as though a comb hadn’t touched it in days. His eyes were black and deeply sunken, the dark shadows under them only adding to the zombie-like effect. In short, he looked the worst that Carlisle had ever seen him.
His shock at Edward’s appearance had only frozen him for a second, and with what he hoped was a reassuring smile, he stepped in and closed the door. “Son, I was hoping to speak with you—spend some time with you.” He gestured to the comfortable couch. “Will you join me?”
Edward’s gaze darted to the couch and back to him. “I’d rather stay here, if you don’t mind.”
Carlisle frowned but nodded, crossing the room to take a seat as Edward’s wary gaze tracked his every move.
Leaning back, he rested a hand on the arm of the sofa and crossed his legs, trying to appear as relaxed as possible to disarm the distressed looking vampire hunched in the corner. He looked on the brink of being feral and despite Carlisle’s many decades of experience and control, the situation was kicking his instincts into high alert. He smiled.
Edward’s eyes flitted from him, to the window, then to the door within a split second. A human would’ve never caught the movement, but Carlisle’s sharp gaze caught it easily, and he knew what it meant. Edward was now feeling trapped, his mind and instincts preparing to run if need be.
“What are you doing here, Carlisle? Have I done something?”
Carlisle’s brows rose. This was definitely an unusual response to a visit from him, as such a thing wasn’t uncommon between them and had never garnered such suspicion. “I just wanted to see you, son…talk to you. I’ve been putting a lot of consecutive hours in at the hospital, and I’ve missed our time together,” he said, keeping his tone light and in tune with the pleasant thoughts he had cycling at the forefront of his mind.
Edward’s eyes narrowed…not enough to be immediately perceptible, but enough for Carlisle to pick up the change. It was just one more minuscule red flag as far as the older vampire was concerned, and he felt his body prepare for a possible attack, even though he hadn’t moved a muscle.
As he observed, the tension mounted until Edward’s eyes darted to the other side of
the room, his expression crumpling into remorse as he began to mutter, “I don’t want to, Daddy…please, don’t make me…” His hands rose to grip his hair as he began to rock. “He can’t help me! Nobody can! And…and, he’ll hate me…if I tell him.” He ceased rocking, his gaze slowly rising to meet his Sire’s. “I couldn’t bear it if Carlisle hated me too…”
Carlisle’s brow furrowed and he sat forward, elbows on knees as he held Edward’s mad gaze. “Why do you think I would hate you, Edward? I love you like my own flesh and blood. I thought you knew that. I could never hate you.”
Edward’s face crumpled, his chin quivering as his body resumed rocking. “I…I’ve done something,” he whispered, “Something very bad…”
If Carlisle’s heart could still beat, it would've been pounding, but he kept his tone soothing. “What, Edward? What have you done? Tell me, son and I’ll do all I can to help you.”
His hands gripped and yanked at his hair, the expression on his face one of desperate grief as his rocking quickened, his gaze never wavering from his vampire father’s as he whispered words that twisted Carlisle’s heart. “I only wanted her to love me, Dad. I know I left her, but that was before I knew what she was and I thought, now…now we could be together and she could love me, you know?
“I only meant to kill him,” he spat, his expression twisting into hatred for a split second before morphing back to sorrow. “He had to die, you see? So that Bella would love me again…the way she used to…but…but, when I got there…” He shook his head and moaned, tucking his face against his knees before snapping his head up to look at his Sire again. “When I got there, I saw she had a baby.” His face twisted into ugly hatred. “She had a baby with him! He’d lain with her…defiled her! How could she…?!”
He tucked his face against his knees again, his curled form still rocking. “She’s mine, Dad…perfect for me…” he muttered.
Carlisle felt as though his body had turned to stone. “What did you do, Edward?” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “Tell me the rest…tell me what happened.”
Edward keened, his head shaking violently, his fingers bunching in the messy strands of his hair. “They were on a picnic…I had gotten a rifle, because I wanted his death to seem normal, otherwise Bella’s father would go looking…” He met Carlisle’s gaze. “It had to seem like a human did it.”
Carlisle closed his eyes for a beat before nodding. “Go on, son.”
Edward’s face twisted. “I saw him kiss her! And I wanted to tear him apart right then and there, but I couldn’t. I made myself wait.” He wrapped his arms around his legs again and rocked, his head turning as he stared into the distance. “I hid myself in an alley and waited…” His chin quivered. “They were walking back and all I could see was the back of them, so I aimed and fired one shot.” He tucked his face into his bent knees and moaned again as his hands fisted the legs of his jeans, tearing the material.
Carlisle’s breath gusted from him and he hung his head. How had he allowed things to come to this…?
He looked back up as Edward continued, his voice wavering with tears that couldn’t fall, “I didn’t mean it, Dad! It was only supposed to be him that died…but…the bullet meant for only him, killed the baby too…”
Carlisle’s eyes clenched shut. “Oh, Edward…” He looked at his progeny and the younger vampire tilted his head, his lips trembling as he begged.
“Please don’t hate me, Carlisle. I didn’t mean to kill a baby. I would never…” His tone rose, full of tears and fear, “You believe me, don’t you, Dad?”
It felt like a knife to the heart, hearing Edward call him Dad in that tone of voice, as if he had all the answers and could fix anything, even this…
Problem was, he could not.
Not this…
Never this…
He rose from his seat and approached his progeny, a look of the deepest sorrow etching lines in his flawless brow. He held out a hand. “Come here, son.”
Edward blinked, his eyes lighting with hope as he took his vampire father’s hand and stood. Carlisle immediately pulled him into a tight hug and he sobbed, relaxing into the safety of the embrace. “Edward, how did you get there—in the past?” Carlisle’s tone remained soothing as he asked.
He breathed a sigh and murmured his answer without lifting his head from his father’s shoulder. “The witch, Bonnie.”
Carlisle rubbed soothing circles on his son’s back as he asked another question. “And where is she now?”
“She’s home and safe, Dad. I…I didn’t hurt her, I swear.”
Carlisle continued rubbing and nodded. “Good, son, that’s good.”
A grateful smile curved Edward’s lips. “I’m so happy you don’t hate me.”
Carlisle drew back, cupping Edward’s cheeks as he met his gaze, his own chin now trembling with sorrow as he smiled sadly. “I could never hate you, son. I will love you forever, do you understand?”
Edward’s smile brightened. “Yes, I think I do,” he murmured in wonder.
Carlisle ran a thumb over his son’s cheek and he smiled again, even as sorrow gripped his soul. “Good,” he whispered, then with a lightning quick twist, he removed his troubled progeny’s head, his open hands hovering in horror as he dropped it to the floor. A deep sob tore its way from his chest as he stared down at his beloved childe and he choked, “I’m sorry, Edward. I’m so sorry.”
Stefan’s eyes flashed open, his brows drawing together as he frowned, listening intently for whatever it was that had awoken him.
“Damn it! Hang on, I’ll get the light…” a voice whispered from downstairs, causing Stefan to shoot upright as he heard the distinct click of the lamp switch.
He couldn’t recognize the whispered voice, and that had him concerned. ‘Who wouldn’t be?’ he thought, at—he glanced at the clock—3:47 in the morning.
“Stefan?” Elena mumbled into her pillow beside him.
“Shh!”
She raised her head, a brow cocked over a sleepy eye before collapsing back onto the pillow. “Yeah, sure, okay…” she muttered before dropping off back to sleep.
As quietly as possible, he slipped out of bed and pulled on some jeans before creeping out the door and down the stairs. What he saw when he crept to the living room entry had his jaw dropping. “Damon?!”
Damon turned, barely having enough time to brace himself as Stefan grabbed him into a tight hug. His brows shot up and he exchanged a look with Jasper before returning the embrace, awkwardly patting his younger sibling on the back. “This is…unexpected,” he muttered just as Stefan drew away to look at him. Again, he was taken aback by the intense expression on his brother’s face.
“Bonnie told us what happened.”
Understanding lit Damon’s eyes and he nodded as Stefan kept a firm hold on his arms. “I’m so sorry, Damon, and I want you to know that I’m in this with you. I’m already searching, and we’ll get the bastard.”
Stefan released him and Damon nodded. “Oh, I know we’ll get him. I won’t give up until he’s dead for good,” he said while heading for a chair. He flopped into it and Stefan took another while glancing at the couple seated on the couch.
“Bella,” he said, his tone tentative, “it’s good to see you, sweetheart.” He frowned when her only response was a vacant stare and he narrowed his eyes at Damon, because that look in his niece’s eyes wasn’t normal.
“Yes, she’s under a heavy compulsion. I plan to lift it as soon as possible.”
“Now would be preferable,” the blond male seated next to Bella all but demanded and Stefan raised a brow at his brother who gestured with a hand to the one who had spoken.
“Stefan, meet Jasper Whitlock, my son-in-law. Jasper, this is my little brother, Stefan.”
Jasper gave a nod. “Pleased to meet you.” He cut his gaze back to Damon. “Take it off. Let’s get this over with.”
Damon narrowed his eyes. “Don’t you think we should settle in first, maybe get some sleep?”
Jasper stood, looking every inch the military officer he was as he faced off with his father-in-law. “You can sleep after you fix what you did to my wife.”
Damon scowled, surprised to realize he was a bit hurt by Jasper’s accusatory tone. “I did what I had to do. I thought you understood.”
Jasper gave him a curt nod. “And I do understand. Doesn’t mean I like it though. You said when we get somewhere safe. We’ve done that.”
Stefan was watching the exchange like one would watch a tennis match, his rapidly forming opinion of Bella’s husband rising by the second.
Damon rubbed his eyes. “Fine, I’ll do it now, but not here. Let’s get you settled into a room first.” With that, he got up and strode toward the stairs, pausing at the bottom for Jasper and Bella to join him. Before stepping on the first tread, he raised a brow. “You really prepared to handle her? Things might get ugly. Keep in mind, she’s heard all that’s been said. She knows exactly what happened and who’s responsible.”
“I married her, Damon. You expect me to turn tail now?”
Damon raised a brow. “Not to be an ass, but I recall a time when a certain someone got angry, left, and joined the Confederacy.”
Jasper’s nostrils flared and he looked away a beat before meeting Damon’s stare straight on. “I’m not proud of that, but I won’t make the same mistake again. I will deal with whatever I need to.”
Damon blinked, then he nodded. “Okay.”
He began climbing the stairs and led them to the same room Bella had used before. Opening the door, he flipped on the light and stood aside for Jasper to lead Bella in.
He crossed the room and sat her on the edge of the bed, standing aside as Damon knelt in front of her. “Baby girl, look at me,” he said while cupping her cheek. “I want you to focus on my eyes and my voice, all right?”
“All right,” she repeated.
“The past few days, you’ve been under a compulsion. Everything’s been like a dream where you couldn’t feel anything. I’m lifting that now. None of it was a dream, Bella, and now, you feel and remember everything with perfect clarity.”
“Perfect…clar…ity…”
He watched as her eyes cleared and stifled a cringe as they filled with pain and rage. “You…” she hissed. “How could you…?!” Tears sparkled in her eyes before spilling over and she slapped his hand away.
He stood. “I had to sweetheart, and I hope someday, you understand.” With that, he turned and left, closing the door behind him and leaving his trembling daughter alone with her husband.
Stefan was in the hall, now fully dressed and looking hesitant as he met Damon’s gaze. “That wasn’t as bad…” He trailed as a scream of pure pained fury rang throughout the house, followed by something heavy crashing against the wall from inside Bella’s room.
Damon smirked bitterly. “You were saying?”
Sounds of destruction accompanied by shrieks and crying continued to penetrate into the hall and Stefan’s door flew wide, a terrified looking Elena filling the space. “What’s happening?!” she asked Stefan before noticing Damon standing there. “Oh…oh god…is that Bella?”
Damon nodded. “Yes. I just lifted the compulsion she’s been under.”
“I think I get it,” she said, cutting him off as she tightened the robe around her. She glanced between the brothers. “I’m going down to make coffee. Feel free to join me.”
With one last glance at Bella’s door, Damon shook his head and headed down stairs with his brother.
~o0o~
With one last heave, the only piece of furniture in the room that’d been in tact, shattered, leaving huge gouges in the wall that matched all the others.
As she glared around the room, her chest heaved as her body continued to tremble with unbridled rage. She’d destroyed everything; the room and everything in it an absolute wreck. There was one corner though, where the destruction was minimal, and that was where Jasper sat, back against the wall, knees bent and arms resting atop them as he stared straight ahead, his face almost peaceful. “Are you finished?” he murmured, finally turning his head to meet her gaze.
She heaved out a few more shuddering breaths before reaching up to wipe the tears from her cheeks. “Jasper,” she said, her brow pinching as she went to him. Wordlessly, he opened his arms and she went gratefully.
For the next hour, she lay quietly, her head resting on his chest and eyes curiously dry as he ran gentle fingers through her hair. “I missed you,” he finally murmured and she tightened her hold on his shirt.
“I missed you,” she answered, quietly marveling at the measure of peace they’d found in this little corner on the floor. “Why do I feel so…” she searched for words and failed.
“Serene?” he supplied, his tone quiet, calm, sedate.
She nodded against him. “Yes, that’s it.”
“It’s something I thought I’d try. When your father lifted the compulsion…let’s just say your emotions were more than I could handle, so I sat here and focused. I guess this is the result.”
“It’s so… I guess it’s what I imagine the eye of the storm would be…quiet, safe for the moment, but surrounded by sheer hell.” Her emotions began to bleed into him again and he pushed back, relaxing her almost to the point of sleep. She yawned. “I feel like I could sleep for days…”
“Then go to sleep. You have the rest of the night and then we can start planning what we’re going to do tomorrow.”
“But…”
“Shh, there’s nothing we can do tonight. We need rest and we need to approach everything with clear minds.”
She blinked. “You’re right.”
Jasper reached over and grabbed a pillow she’d thrown and laid them down, his arms still wrapped securely around her. “I love you, Isabella.”
She glanced up to meet his gaze, her cheek still resting on his chest as her hand traced his face. “I love you too,” she said, her hand slipping to his shoulder as she slowly drifted to sleep.
Jasper breathed a sigh of relief when she fully relaxed against him, the emotions she’d unintentionally battered him with finally soothed into a naturally calm state without his influence. It allowed him to relax, but he found he couldn’t sleep. His mind was too full with not only pain and anger, but trepidation.
He glanced around the destroyed room, taking note of all that was unfamiliar to him. There had been some sort of flat, black glass item hanging on the wall that had buzzed and crackled when she’d shattered it. Smoke had risen from it and the thin black rope that attached it to the wall had sparked at the connection. It had been quite the light show in the darkened room.
An item that resembled an oil lamp had reacted in much the same way when a chair had crashed into it and he noticed it was also attached to the wall with a thin rope—this one light brown. There was no oil in it though, which he was thankful for, as it would’ve started a fire with how it had sparked.
He sighed, his head thumping against the wall as he wondered just how many differences he would encounter in this alien time, and what life would be like.
He felt…displaced and had to wonder if he would ever fully adjust. Then he glanced at Bella as his fingers absently ran through the silken strands of her hair and he knew he would. He would have to. This was his life now. She was his life. Everything else was inconsequential in comparison.
~o0o~
“Mama? I’m so sorry,” he whispered, the wavering, pleading tone clear to both of the beings listening from two floors below. “I didn’t…I never meant…please, Mama, don’t look at me that way…I can’t bear it…I’m sorry!”
Carlisle Cullen rubbed his brow, a deep frown on his face as he exchanged a glance with his wife. “What’s going on with him?” she whispered as they sat on the sofa in Carlisle’s study. They’d been listening to Edward babble and beg for the past hour and were clueless as to the cause.
“Do you think moving to this house has had an effect on him? I mean, he seemed fine when we first moved in. A little depressed over Bella, but still fine… But now…?”
Carlisle heaved a sigh as he considered the possibilities. It could be that the familiar house was affecting him, after all, the last few human memories he had of the place were traumatizing. But he’d accompanied Edward on many short trips here over the years to check on his childhood home and never once had the boy expressed anything negative about the place. He’d even been optimistic about the move here, so what had happened to turn him into this stammering mess?
In all their years together, he’d never seen Edward in such bad shape, not even after his rebellious period. “I just don’t know, Esme. He disappears for two days, comes back, won’t speak of where he went or why, and now this… I just don’t know what to make of it.”
“You have to speak to him. I’m afraid for him, Carlisle,” she said as she clutched his hand tightly. “He almost seems…ill.” He glanced at her and she bit her lip, looking for all the world like she wanted to cry. “You know what I mean…”
He did know. Edward was acting a great deal less than sane, and when a vampire reaches such a state…there isn’t much that can be done. It’s not as if any drug therapy will help…and if it reaches a certain point, destruction is the only solution.
He patted her hand. “I’ll speak to him.” He rose from his seat as she nodded.
“Good. I just…we already lost Alice and Jasper…I don’t want to lose any more.”
He leaned down and kissed her softly, the tips of his fingers skimming her soft cheek. “I know, and I’ll do everything in my power to prevent it.”
A wan smile and sorrow filled gaze was her response and he turned and left the study, apprehension churning in his gut as he climbed the stairs to reach Edward’s room. He paused at the door, hand raised to knock as he listened a moment.
“Daddy, please…I know, I shouldn’t have…yes, I deserve punishment, but I didn’t mean for that to happen! I swear, Daddy…please believe me!” His tone softened to a whisper and Carlisle stood there, riveted as the churning in his gut solidified to cold lead. “I know I’ve shamed you and Mama…I’m a bad son, vile, not worthy of your name or Car…Carlisle’s, for that matter…I deserve…death…”
His suspended hand clenched, his lips thinning into a tight line as his mind whirled…and then he knocked. “Edward? Son, may I come in?”
“Carlisle?” his tentative voice whispered. “Yes, I suppose so…”
He gripped the knob and turned, the hinges protesting as he pushed the door open to the spacious room. His gaze fell immediately to where Edward had curled himself into the corner, his eyes peeking up over bent knees, his arms wrapped tightly around his legs. He looked as though he was trying to disappear.
His hair, usually artfully messy, was now a riotous mess atop his head, looking as though a comb hadn’t touched it in days. His eyes were black and deeply sunken, the dark shadows under them only adding to the zombie-like effect. In short, he looked the worst that Carlisle had ever seen him.
His shock at Edward’s appearance had only frozen him for a second, and with what he hoped was a reassuring smile, he stepped in and closed the door. “Son, I was hoping to speak with you—spend some time with you.” He gestured to the comfortable couch. “Will you join me?”
Edward’s gaze darted to the couch and back to him. “I’d rather stay here, if you don’t mind.”
Carlisle frowned but nodded, crossing the room to take a seat as Edward’s wary gaze tracked his every move.
Leaning back, he rested a hand on the arm of the sofa and crossed his legs, trying to appear as relaxed as possible to disarm the distressed looking vampire hunched in the corner. He looked on the brink of being feral and despite Carlisle’s many decades of experience and control, the situation was kicking his instincts into high alert. He smiled.
Edward’s eyes flitted from him, to the window, then to the door within a split second. A human would’ve never caught the movement, but Carlisle’s sharp gaze caught it easily, and he knew what it meant. Edward was now feeling trapped, his mind and instincts preparing to run if need be.
“What are you doing here, Carlisle? Have I done something?”
Carlisle’s brows rose. This was definitely an unusual response to a visit from him, as such a thing wasn’t uncommon between them and had never garnered such suspicion. “I just wanted to see you, son…talk to you. I’ve been putting a lot of consecutive hours in at the hospital, and I’ve missed our time together,” he said, keeping his tone light and in tune with the pleasant thoughts he had cycling at the forefront of his mind.
Edward’s eyes narrowed…not enough to be immediately perceptible, but enough for Carlisle to pick up the change. It was just one more minuscule red flag as far as the older vampire was concerned, and he felt his body prepare for a possible attack, even though he hadn’t moved a muscle.
As he observed, the tension mounted until Edward’s eyes darted to the other side of
the room, his expression crumpling into remorse as he began to mutter, “I don’t want to, Daddy…please, don’t make me…” His hands rose to grip his hair as he began to rock. “He can’t help me! Nobody can! And…and, he’ll hate me…if I tell him.” He ceased rocking, his gaze slowly rising to meet his Sire’s. “I couldn’t bear it if Carlisle hated me too…”
Carlisle’s brow furrowed and he sat forward, elbows on knees as he held Edward’s mad gaze. “Why do you think I would hate you, Edward? I love you like my own flesh and blood. I thought you knew that. I could never hate you.”
Edward’s face crumpled, his chin quivering as his body resumed rocking. “I…I’ve done something,” he whispered, “Something very bad…”
If Carlisle’s heart could still beat, it would've been pounding, but he kept his tone soothing. “What, Edward? What have you done? Tell me, son and I’ll do all I can to help you.”
His hands gripped and yanked at his hair, the expression on his face one of desperate grief as his rocking quickened, his gaze never wavering from his vampire father’s as he whispered words that twisted Carlisle’s heart. “I only wanted her to love me, Dad. I know I left her, but that was before I knew what she was and I thought, now…now we could be together and she could love me, you know?
“I only meant to kill him,” he spat, his expression twisting into hatred for a split second before morphing back to sorrow. “He had to die, you see? So that Bella would love me again…the way she used to…but…but, when I got there…” He shook his head and moaned, tucking his face against his knees before snapping his head up to look at his Sire again. “When I got there, I saw she had a baby.” His face twisted into ugly hatred. “She had a baby with him! He’d lain with her…defiled her! How could she…?!”
He tucked his face against his knees again, his curled form still rocking. “She’s mine, Dad…perfect for me…” he muttered.
Carlisle felt as though his body had turned to stone. “What did you do, Edward?” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “Tell me the rest…tell me what happened.”
Edward keened, his head shaking violently, his fingers bunching in the messy strands of his hair. “They were on a picnic…I had gotten a rifle, because I wanted his death to seem normal, otherwise Bella’s father would go looking…” He met Carlisle’s gaze. “It had to seem like a human did it.”
Carlisle closed his eyes for a beat before nodding. “Go on, son.”
Edward’s face twisted. “I saw him kiss her! And I wanted to tear him apart right then and there, but I couldn’t. I made myself wait.” He wrapped his arms around his legs again and rocked, his head turning as he stared into the distance. “I hid myself in an alley and waited…” His chin quivered. “They were walking back and all I could see was the back of them, so I aimed and fired one shot.” He tucked his face into his bent knees and moaned again as his hands fisted the legs of his jeans, tearing the material.
Carlisle’s breath gusted from him and he hung his head. How had he allowed things to come to this…?
He looked back up as Edward continued, his voice wavering with tears that couldn’t fall, “I didn’t mean it, Dad! It was only supposed to be him that died…but…the bullet meant for only him, killed the baby too…”
Carlisle’s eyes clenched shut. “Oh, Edward…” He looked at his progeny and the younger vampire tilted his head, his lips trembling as he begged.
“Please don’t hate me, Carlisle. I didn’t mean to kill a baby. I would never…” His tone rose, full of tears and fear, “You believe me, don’t you, Dad?”
It felt like a knife to the heart, hearing Edward call him Dad in that tone of voice, as if he had all the answers and could fix anything, even this…
Problem was, he could not.
Not this…
Never this…
He rose from his seat and approached his progeny, a look of the deepest sorrow etching lines in his flawless brow. He held out a hand. “Come here, son.”
Edward blinked, his eyes lighting with hope as he took his vampire father’s hand and stood. Carlisle immediately pulled him into a tight hug and he sobbed, relaxing into the safety of the embrace. “Edward, how did you get there—in the past?” Carlisle’s tone remained soothing as he asked.
He breathed a sigh and murmured his answer without lifting his head from his father’s shoulder. “The witch, Bonnie.”
Carlisle rubbed soothing circles on his son’s back as he asked another question. “And where is she now?”
“She’s home and safe, Dad. I…I didn’t hurt her, I swear.”
Carlisle continued rubbing and nodded. “Good, son, that’s good.”
A grateful smile curved Edward’s lips. “I’m so happy you don’t hate me.”
Carlisle drew back, cupping Edward’s cheeks as he met his gaze, his own chin now trembling with sorrow as he smiled sadly. “I could never hate you, son. I will love you forever, do you understand?”
Edward’s smile brightened. “Yes, I think I do,” he murmured in wonder.
Carlisle ran a thumb over his son’s cheek and he smiled again, even as sorrow gripped his soul. “Good,” he whispered, then with a lightning quick twist, he removed his troubled progeny’s head, his open hands hovering in horror as he dropped it to the floor. A deep sob tore its way from his chest as he stared down at his beloved childe and he choked, “I’m sorry, Edward. I’m so sorry.”
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