Elemental Goddess
by: Wizardtho
Chapter 84: Wakeup Call
After Major gave both Garrett and Carlisle a significant look, they disappeared into the house together. I looked to the elders, wasting no time getting to the point. “The herbs Kota will need... are they prevalent in any of the protected zones?”
Old Quil nodded, but it was Billy who answered, “Yes, Goddess. They are abundant in each of the protected zones. As they are standard for a multitude of magics you might work, I have a feeling they will even be abundant in the Texas protected zone.”
I nodded, feeling like he might be right about that, and offered, “We'll speak about their significance to me at another time, but if you can please let Jake know what they are, he can have the shifters gather what they can on their way to and from the building sites. If you would, please, I'd like the four of you to say a blessing at each dwelling, once it is complete. I would bless them myself, but my inner goddess is letting me know your ties to the ancestors would be welcome.”
They nodded as Sue smiled tenderly at me. She knelt down beside me, her eyes flashed quickly to the spot of my shoulder that was tender, then cupped my cheek. She kissed my other cheek, whispering, “Did you work everything out? Are you in a better place? You seem much calmer now, Dear. If you need to talk, you are welcome to come to either myself or your father. I don't mean to pry, but I needed to offer on both of our behalfs.”
I smiled, kissed her cheek in return, then hugged her to me. “Thank you for the offer, truly, both of you. Yes, I worked through everything. There was much to work through. It didn't help that we had been without a cross until now, but Major takes exceptional care of me. I am well now, and my sore backside is my reminder that I need to delegate more things. That was the closest I'd come to an episode since my turning, Sue. That's not good for me or the boys, and it scared the hell out of my mates.”
Sue sat down next to me. Charlie took my hand, sitting next to her. “Princess, it might be good for you to just clear your head and meditate for a while, like before your turning. And when was the last time you had a good massage? Isn't Edward supposed to be doing all that kind of stuff to keep you pliable?”
I nodded thoughtfully, then said while patting his hand in mine, “Thanks, Dad. You might be right. I think I'll have Edward give me a deep massage while I meditate, once Jake and I have hunted after the tenderness is gone.”
He smiled at me as Sue nodded her head in agreement. Just then, I saw Randall slowly making his way toward us, so I smiled up at him. “Goddess Mother, is now a good time to speak with you? I understand you are curious about my power. As you are clearly relaxing after your ordeal, I thought I'd come to you.”
I grinned, motioning to the grass in front of me, “Of course, Randall. You must understand my curiosity. I do not intend to use you for your power, no matter what it may be, but it would be wise of me to know what had the Volturi so interested in you. If you use your power while under my protection, it will be of your own free will.”
He smiled, running a hand across the back of his neck, then got a sad look on his face. After a second, he looked up at me with venom filled eyes, “My maker, Mary, was the first to witness my gift. She had frightened me on accident once during my newborn phase. She had come upon me after a hunt, while my thoughts were elsewhere. When I finally registered a presence closing in fast on my location, I was frightened enough that my gift manifested. I went from sitting on a cliff edge, to standing in the corner of my room, in just a split second. The only thing I felt was a whoosh of air, then suddenly I was where I felt most safe... over 15 miles from my original location. Mary found me in my room over three hours later, confused and still scared. She explained what she saw when she entered the cliffside from the trees, then asked me to explain my side of what happened.”
It hit me, then, why Aro thought Randall a prize worth killing for. I gasped slightly, then whispered out, “You teleported? Oh, Goddess, you must have been scared shitless!”
He nodded, offering, “Yes. Mary explained that she'd never even heard of a vampire having the ability, or anything remotely like it. She helped me train my gift, so that I didn't automatically port out any time I was startled. By the time of her death, I could port at will. The only time I failed to teleport was when the Volturi came for us. I was so frightened that I couldn't think, let alone port out with Mary. I can now teleport from anywhere with three people, as long as they are touching me, to anywhere I can picture. If you show me a picture of a field I've never been to, I can still take us there, as long as I can visualize the picture in my mind. Travel time is non-existent, as porting only takes a blink of an eye, but anyone accompanying me must always have contact.”
Wow. That could come in real handy, but I would never ask him to use his gift for anything other than a dire emergency. “Thank you for telling me of your gift, Randall. As I said before, you will never be forced to use your gift. I may need to ask you to help someone in the future, but only in a life or death emergency. Even then, the choice will be yours.”
Randall nodded, seeming relieved, then said sincerely, “In those situations, my gift is at your disposal, Goddess. You have but to ask, and I am at your service.”
I smiled with nod, then felt Rose kiss my tender shoulder. I looked up behind me to make eye contact. She looked like she'd be blushing if she could. I kissed her lightly, then asked, “Everything alright, Sweet Girl?”
She grinned, nodding before asking softly, “Yes. How are you? Is there anything I can do?”
I hummed, then said with a smile, “Yes, please. Gather a few of the girls. I believe our shifters could use a snack with all the energy they are putting in building the bunkhouses.”
Her grin widened as she nodded, so I said, “Don't take Carmen, though. I'd like to speak with her and Eleazar, if you'll send them over before you head in.”
Less than two minutes later, everyone but my mates, Jake, Aleksei, and the elders had dispersed to talk amongst themselves, while Carmen was headed our way with Eleazar. “Goddess, how may we assist you? Rose mentioned you'd like to speak to us?”
I nodded, then said seriously, “We need to work on a few things, if you don't mind doing it here. First, Carmen, I will need you to help me word a blessing to boost the strength of the cell cages that Kota will be forging with the coming venom and titanium. I want there to be no chance of escape once the cage door is closed and locked. I want no one to be in danger from any prisoners while in them either. That means no powers escaping the cages. If we capture an enemy with a power, I don't want them able to use their power on anyone outside the cage.”
She nodded seriously, then offered, “I will think on it, and have options to go over with you in less than 24 hours, Goddess.”
I patted her leg with a smile. “Thank you, Carmen. Eleazar, we need to go over my shield and how it works. I need to know everything you know about it, so that I can learn how to make it work when I need it to. We will definitely need it working flawlessly before the move, because I'll need to cover all of our allies from here to Texas without fault. I won't allow Aro to gain knowledge of who is under my protection, nor will I allow your energy signature to be out in the open for him to have Demetri lock onto.”
Eleazar nodded, then let out a slow breath as he looked at me. He tilted his head slightly one way, then again in the opposite direction.
After a minute, he gently placed my hand in both of his, searching my eyes deeply. Automatically, I felt my eyes swirl with the startburst of the ultimate goddess. Eleazar smiled with some kind of realization. He patted my hand as he sat back, then explained, “Brilliant. Each of the elements is a part of your shield. That's why the protection fields work so flawlessly, Goddess. The glowing color is when one or more elements are the focus, as is when you have an episode. When your shield has the blending and swirling colors of your elements, Green will always be more prominent -as it is your natural element- but all are equally working together to protect anyone in your shield. You have but to focus, Goddess, to expand or retract your shield.”
I gave him a questioning look, so he smiled. “Close your eyes. Concentrate on the feeling you get when your shield pops up. Is there a specific physical feeling you get? Concentrate on only that. Find it's place in your mind. Study what you find there. Explain it to me.”
I closed my eyes, then took a breath. I tried to think of the combination feeling I got when my shield popped up, but was coming up empty.
I sighed out a breath as I opened my eyes, then said to Eleazar, “It's hard to explain how I feel when my shield pops up. It's almost like a combination of all my mates' energies, along with the feeling of being safe and protected... oh, like when they're all surrounding me. That might work.”
Eleazar smiled widely, giving me a simple nod, so I closed my eyes again. I thought hard about how it felt to have my mates all wrapped around me, then suddenly I felt like I was inside my own mind. I could see what looked like a filmy substance, with the swirling colors of my shield, clinging to the outer layer of my mind. I gasped before whispering out my findings to Eleazar.
It was only a second later that I heard him speak softly to me. “Good, Goddess. Very good. Now try touching it... see if you can manipulate it in any way. Will it to ripple, expand outward, shrink inward? Manipulate it in any way you can think to try. You're trying to get a basis on how it moves.”
I nodded, then concentrated on trying to touch the film. The swirls all converged and blended for a second where my hand had flattened, then shot out like sparks. It made me think of a ripple of water, then I noticed the shield rippling out in circles, from my hand outward in every direction. At the same time, I felt my safety level increase slightly.
Hmmm.
Next I tried to push on the film with my hand still flattened against it, but it didn't seem to want to move. I tried again, but still nothing. It was starting to frustrate me, as well as scare me that I'd never figure this out.
When I suddenly growled out that frustration, my shield disappeared completely from my sight.
What the hell!?
I heard several gasps, so my eyes shot open to see my shield covering not only me and Jake, but my mates, Aleksei, Carmen, and Eleazar with us. He smiled widely at me, then asked, “Explain how you made your shield expand, Goddess, please.”
I shook my head, not understanding how it happened, and told him so. “I don't know. It just happened. One second I was trying to push it outward, the next I was growling in frustration and fear of not ever getting it to work. It just disappeared completely. When I opened my eyes, it was surrounding all of us.”
I worked with Eleazar on my shield for a while longer, with no consistent results or progress, until Major finally put a halt to our training. “Enough, Isabella.”
He stopped, calming himself for a second, then cupped my cheek, “I can feel your frustration, along with our sons' mountin' hunger. Ya need to hunt now, my sweet mate. No more stallin'. Eleazar, ya can pick this up later, after a hunt and sufficient time for her to relax.”
I reluctantly nodded, knowing he wouldn't let this wait any longer, then patted Jake's nose. “Ready to go eat, Jake? I don't want to go far, though, with me still healing.”
He nodded seriously, then waited for me to mount his back before standing.
Our little group consisted of me, Jake, Major, Aleksei, Captain, and Char. We told Edward we weren't going far, then had Jake send a falcon to scout prey. Unfortunately, the only prey that was in range of my senses pretty much gave me the brussel sprout feeling. Jeremy confirmed that there was only deer and elk in our immediate vicinity, so I groused, “Uggh... okay. I guess brussel sprouts it is, Jake. There's herd of elk about 2 miles to our north east. I'll follow you.”
Jake gave a wolfy chuckle at the look that must have been on my face, while Aleksei just shook his head.
I was surprised when we reach the heard, that not only did Jake take down two of the largest males, but Aleksei was right in there too, taking down a male and female. When I went to step toward Jake, he shook his head, motioning for me to take the energy from Aleksei's kills first. I patted his head, then slowly made my way toward Aleksei, not wanting him to interpret me as a threat to his kill.
He immediately dropped his head to the ground while managing to keep both elk subdued, letting me know it was safe to approach. He backed away as soon as my fingers found purchase on the necks of both animals. I thanked him as my fingers dug into both the male and female at the same time.
As soon as I was done draining the energy from Aleksei's kills and motioned him forward again, I kissed the top of his head to thank him again before heading toward my Jake. On my way to him, I was surprised that I wasn't getting the overwhelming arousing effect that the predators had given me. Yes, there was still arousal, but it was more like Char's influence, than Peter's. I pushed the thought from my mind once I reached Jake, though. I felt completely full once I had drained the two large males of their energy.
Major looked at me questioningly once I rinsed my hands in the nearby creek, but only shook his head as he pulled me gently into his arms. He licked my sore shoulder, which had flared in pain when one of the males had put up a last fight. I instantly felt the ache lessening. I wanted to be upset, but I couldn't find the will in me when he was only following his instinct as my mate.
When he had me straddle Captain's lap and gently pulled my dress off over my head, I knew I was right. His eyes held so much all at once. I melted at his attention, understanding that my Major needed this as much as me. He tenderly licked and kissed each wound on my back, cooing his love for me while healing my tender flesh, as Aleksei and Jake happily settled into their feasts.
It was 45 minutes before we made it back, having given our protectors time to eat and bury their kills. Instead of heading to the house, though, I was surprised to see us making our way to the cabin. Having felt my curiosity, Major gave me a no-arguments look, ordering, “Ya need to spend down-time with just us for a bit. It’ll also give Jake and Aleksei time to start digestin' their meals. Whatever is goin' on in your head, Isabella, is gonna be worked out before ya start another session of shield trainin'. End of discussion.”
Though I wanted to bristle at his demand, I knew I hadn't been fully in the right headspace for a while, so quietly whispered, “Yes, Major.”
As Jake and Aleksei comfortably settled down together on their pallet bed, Major took off toward the bathroom, while Char and Peter started removing my dress and shoes. It wasn't long before the four of us were sighing in unison at the sensation of being in a quiet bath together.
Once I was straddling Major's thighs and lifted up high enough, Peter and Char took Major's previous post of licking and kissing the tender marks on my rear and thighs, while Major caressed my entire front. When he finally spoke, it was to demand in complete Major mode, “Get it out, Isabella. Whatever’s botherin' ya so much is eatin' at ya in more than one way. You'll never get past this block if ya don't. Until you're in the right place, ya won't be any use to anyone out there.”
I ducked my head, ashamed of how this all had built, then finally let out a shaky breath. “I'm starting to get scared that being pregnant while going through these battles... well, that I'll lose them anyway. That I'll do something to put them in jeopardy during a fight, or that another spell will go wrong, or that the Volturi will find us during the move, and I won't be able to protect our sons, let alone everyone else. My father and Sue, Major... I need to protect them... I have to. If I can't even get my shield to work when I command it to, how the hell am I supposed to keep them safe? They're human in a supernatural world full of shit. The supernatural world is unraveling at the ever-fraying seams right now, due to revenge, greed and power... and these bio-engineered diseases? I don't even know where to start with that fucked up mess. How do we put everything right? How do we keep everyone safe? I don't know if my goddess is enough. The more I think about what all needs to be done, the more I think we may be in over our heads here.”
Major looked at me oddly for a second, then just shook his head with a slight smirk. My brows furrowed, since that was not at all what I expected. He kissed my lips before saying, “Isabella, my beautiful goddess... how long has it been since ya meditated with your goddess in your head? How long has it been since you've truly spoken to her?”
Honestly, I couldn't have told him a confident answer as I thought about it, so winced, “So you think what? That I'm out of tune with her? That I'm neglecting my goddess part in favor of the elemental part?”
He shook his head, but it was Char who whispered into my hip, “Not neglecting, Sweetness, just out of tune. Everything has been rush-rush lately, so taking the time to focus on your goddess has fallen a bit in the chaos. That's all. If I'm thinking along the same lines as Major, we believe your fears and hesitations will be put to rest once you spend a while refocusing and re-melding yourself with her.”
Major nodded as he cradled my face in his hands, “That's exactly what I was thinkin'. Ya just need to get back to who ya are, not let all this outside shit distract ya from that. That's where your doubts are comin' from, my mate. We have faith in ya... Jake and Aleksei have faith in ya... all those shifters and vampires out there do, too... ya just need to find it in yourself again, Isabella.”
I knew my mates were right. They always knew just what I needed... too bad it took me this long to figure out something so simple.
After my mates finished tending to me, I finally whispered, breaking the silence, “It's time to reunite with my inner goddess. You know this could take a while, right?”
They all nodded, so I let out a breath. “Okay. I say we get dressed, then head back to our backyard tree. I need to get used to meditating around the other shifters, anyway.”
Major agreed that would be a good start, so we all got out to start drying off.
I ended up gravitating toward a slightly shimmery silver tunic tank, and liked the way the side ruching practically made the line for the nursing over-layer invisible. I saw a pair of smoky white jean leggings near it, then snagged them off the hanger, too. A white lace thong and silverish-gray strappy wedge heels completed the look. I took my finds back to the bedroom to find my mates all dressing near the bed.
Once I was dressed myself, Major picked me up by the backs of my thighs, telling me, “Let’s get to our tree, My Li'l Mate. The sooner you're one with your inner goddess again, the better.”
Jake nuzzled me with sad eyes while Aleksei eyed me with worry. Soon we were all making our way to the main house's backyard as one.
When Major let me down near the tree, I noticed my dad and the elders conversing with some of the shifters and vamps. I let out a breath before making a loud whistle to gain attention. I felt the silence descend over the whole property, not just our immediate vicinity, then said clearly, “I am in need of meditation, and will have to acquire each of your unique signatures during the process. For the first... let's say five minutes... after I'm settled, you may speak quietly, but please remain in your current position. After that, feel free to move around without disturbing me or my mates. I have no idea how long this meditation will take, or what the end result will be. Jake will command the shifters, while Major will be able to command the vampires without issue. Anyone not in this clearing, Jake will relay when it's safe for you to resume the building process. Thank you all.”
Once I was in position straddling Major's lap, I placed my hands on his chest, buried my face in his neck, then felt Aleksei and Jake laying down on either side of us. Captain ended up sitting behind me with Char in his lap, both of them making contact with my skin almost the instant they settled. Major let out a slow breath, then I felt our breathing synch as his fingertips ghosted over the remaining skin of my back. It wasn't long before I whispered, “When you feel me finish gaining everyone's signatures, you can give me the cocktail boost.”
He nodded, kissing my shoulder without a word, so I settled in for the long haul.
It took me slightly longer than I thought to catalog all of the ally signatures, but that was only because I checked on the protective fields and searched out the signatures of the wolves on the rez. My mind was instantly able to memorize each individual signature, once I focused on it. I stored them all for future reference.
The problem came when I slowly felt Major's meditation cocktail filling me. My body and mind didn't want to settle enough to find my inner goddess. It took an extreme measure -along Major finally growling after several attempts- to push me to where I needed to be.
“Fuckin' stop this internal fight you're havin' with yourself, Isabella! Focus, damn it! Push all the bullshit from your mind! Now!” I felt an extreme amount of venom cover my mark as Major finished his order, then my mates each covering their element as Major practically slammed me with the emotional cocktail I needed.
I gasped, then cried out at the sudden shock as my goddess instantly appeared to me in my mind. I couldn't immediately grasp the cause of my internal goddess' appearance.
She was dressed the same as me, but her appearance was haggard, welted marks over every visible surface of her skin. Her hair wasn't smooth and shiny, but mussed and dull. The worst part was the missing light in her eyes, along with the visibly drawn weary look on her face.
My mind wanted to rip and tear at whatever caused my inner goddess to look this way, but realization finally dawned on me. I broke down in dry sobs as she confirmed with a choked and pained whisper, “Yes, Isabella. I am the projection of your inner goddess' self at the present. The condition I am in is the result of your self-doubt, worry, insistence of taking on the world alone, and not keeping your relationship with your inner self as healthy as possible through meditation.”
I dropped to my knees in shame, my hands covering my face as I sobbed into them, until she yanked them away to grab my chin. Fire lit in her eyes while she nearly killed me with only the anger and disappointment searing through my very soul, her growl reverberating through every cell in my body as she angrily snapped, “I can understand small delays in communing with me, Goddess, but my condition is unforgivable. You have let the time needed to keep us centered become not important in the grand scheme of things, when we are the most important aspect of all of this! Do you not understand that if we aren't united, the others will never be one? They will believe you a hypocrite for not following your own fucking advice! Look at us, Isabella! Really look at what you've done to us. Tell me we can function like this, let alone win a single battle! Think about our children... the turmoil they feel in us, because of your constant refusal to delegate to our loved ones.”
She roughly let go of my chin, then started pacing, her hands protectively covering her midsection while angrily growling unintelligible reprimands.
I sat there shaking, knowing all of this was my fault, yet truly hoping that it wasn't too late to fix this mess. She instantly stopped, then whirled to face me, again growling, “We're lucky it isn't too late, because it soon would have been. Hell, even our Major could sense what you didn't! All this...”
She motioned to her disheveled and haggard appearance, “Is because you have been letting our importance take a back seat to your need for overseeing every little detail... without the guidance and help of me or your mates! Tell me where any of this fucking makes sense, Goddess, because I just can't fathom where you see any of this shit panning out without me or your mates. Your. Mates... Isabella! Have you even noticed how much your inner turmoil has affected them? Have you noticed how none of them have needed a love day yet? Here's a clue... they haven't gotten to that point yet, because you aren't letting them! It may not be a conscious decision on your part, but you leaving them out and trying to shoulder all of this on your own is preventing them from getting to the point that a love day is necessity in your relationships with each of them! Think really hard on your current path, then tell me honestly that our relationships with our mates will survive if you keep on this course!”
Oh. My. Goddess. She's right... I was so wrapped up in all that was going on, that I didn't even notice. While I had already gone through a double and a triple love day, my mates had yet to have even a single love day with me. What have I done?! What effect is all of this having on our sons? Our beautiful, innocent, sons. I... I need to fix this, now, but how? How can I fix something like this?
I sobbed through my internal monologue, burying my face back into my hands. I felt my inner goddess drop to her knees in front of me, then gently lift my chin. She tenderly wiped my face, offering in a soft reassuring voice, “There's still time to make this right. Not enough to play with, but enough to fix us, then your relationships with your mates. You can't do this alone, Isabella, but we can do this together. If you truly want to make this right, we need to get started quickly.”
Old Quil nodded, but it was Billy who answered, “Yes, Goddess. They are abundant in each of the protected zones. As they are standard for a multitude of magics you might work, I have a feeling they will even be abundant in the Texas protected zone.”
I nodded, feeling like he might be right about that, and offered, “We'll speak about their significance to me at another time, but if you can please let Jake know what they are, he can have the shifters gather what they can on their way to and from the building sites. If you would, please, I'd like the four of you to say a blessing at each dwelling, once it is complete. I would bless them myself, but my inner goddess is letting me know your ties to the ancestors would be welcome.”
They nodded as Sue smiled tenderly at me. She knelt down beside me, her eyes flashed quickly to the spot of my shoulder that was tender, then cupped my cheek. She kissed my other cheek, whispering, “Did you work everything out? Are you in a better place? You seem much calmer now, Dear. If you need to talk, you are welcome to come to either myself or your father. I don't mean to pry, but I needed to offer on both of our behalfs.”
I smiled, kissed her cheek in return, then hugged her to me. “Thank you for the offer, truly, both of you. Yes, I worked through everything. There was much to work through. It didn't help that we had been without a cross until now, but Major takes exceptional care of me. I am well now, and my sore backside is my reminder that I need to delegate more things. That was the closest I'd come to an episode since my turning, Sue. That's not good for me or the boys, and it scared the hell out of my mates.”
Sue sat down next to me. Charlie took my hand, sitting next to her. “Princess, it might be good for you to just clear your head and meditate for a while, like before your turning. And when was the last time you had a good massage? Isn't Edward supposed to be doing all that kind of stuff to keep you pliable?”
I nodded thoughtfully, then said while patting his hand in mine, “Thanks, Dad. You might be right. I think I'll have Edward give me a deep massage while I meditate, once Jake and I have hunted after the tenderness is gone.”
He smiled at me as Sue nodded her head in agreement. Just then, I saw Randall slowly making his way toward us, so I smiled up at him. “Goddess Mother, is now a good time to speak with you? I understand you are curious about my power. As you are clearly relaxing after your ordeal, I thought I'd come to you.”
I grinned, motioning to the grass in front of me, “Of course, Randall. You must understand my curiosity. I do not intend to use you for your power, no matter what it may be, but it would be wise of me to know what had the Volturi so interested in you. If you use your power while under my protection, it will be of your own free will.”
He smiled, running a hand across the back of his neck, then got a sad look on his face. After a second, he looked up at me with venom filled eyes, “My maker, Mary, was the first to witness my gift. She had frightened me on accident once during my newborn phase. She had come upon me after a hunt, while my thoughts were elsewhere. When I finally registered a presence closing in fast on my location, I was frightened enough that my gift manifested. I went from sitting on a cliff edge, to standing in the corner of my room, in just a split second. The only thing I felt was a whoosh of air, then suddenly I was where I felt most safe... over 15 miles from my original location. Mary found me in my room over three hours later, confused and still scared. She explained what she saw when she entered the cliffside from the trees, then asked me to explain my side of what happened.”
It hit me, then, why Aro thought Randall a prize worth killing for. I gasped slightly, then whispered out, “You teleported? Oh, Goddess, you must have been scared shitless!”
He nodded, offering, “Yes. Mary explained that she'd never even heard of a vampire having the ability, or anything remotely like it. She helped me train my gift, so that I didn't automatically port out any time I was startled. By the time of her death, I could port at will. The only time I failed to teleport was when the Volturi came for us. I was so frightened that I couldn't think, let alone port out with Mary. I can now teleport from anywhere with three people, as long as they are touching me, to anywhere I can picture. If you show me a picture of a field I've never been to, I can still take us there, as long as I can visualize the picture in my mind. Travel time is non-existent, as porting only takes a blink of an eye, but anyone accompanying me must always have contact.”
Wow. That could come in real handy, but I would never ask him to use his gift for anything other than a dire emergency. “Thank you for telling me of your gift, Randall. As I said before, you will never be forced to use your gift. I may need to ask you to help someone in the future, but only in a life or death emergency. Even then, the choice will be yours.”
Randall nodded, seeming relieved, then said sincerely, “In those situations, my gift is at your disposal, Goddess. You have but to ask, and I am at your service.”
I smiled with nod, then felt Rose kiss my tender shoulder. I looked up behind me to make eye contact. She looked like she'd be blushing if she could. I kissed her lightly, then asked, “Everything alright, Sweet Girl?”
She grinned, nodding before asking softly, “Yes. How are you? Is there anything I can do?”
I hummed, then said with a smile, “Yes, please. Gather a few of the girls. I believe our shifters could use a snack with all the energy they are putting in building the bunkhouses.”
Her grin widened as she nodded, so I said, “Don't take Carmen, though. I'd like to speak with her and Eleazar, if you'll send them over before you head in.”
Less than two minutes later, everyone but my mates, Jake, Aleksei, and the elders had dispersed to talk amongst themselves, while Carmen was headed our way with Eleazar. “Goddess, how may we assist you? Rose mentioned you'd like to speak to us?”
I nodded, then said seriously, “We need to work on a few things, if you don't mind doing it here. First, Carmen, I will need you to help me word a blessing to boost the strength of the cell cages that Kota will be forging with the coming venom and titanium. I want there to be no chance of escape once the cage door is closed and locked. I want no one to be in danger from any prisoners while in them either. That means no powers escaping the cages. If we capture an enemy with a power, I don't want them able to use their power on anyone outside the cage.”
She nodded seriously, then offered, “I will think on it, and have options to go over with you in less than 24 hours, Goddess.”
I patted her leg with a smile. “Thank you, Carmen. Eleazar, we need to go over my shield and how it works. I need to know everything you know about it, so that I can learn how to make it work when I need it to. We will definitely need it working flawlessly before the move, because I'll need to cover all of our allies from here to Texas without fault. I won't allow Aro to gain knowledge of who is under my protection, nor will I allow your energy signature to be out in the open for him to have Demetri lock onto.”
Eleazar nodded, then let out a slow breath as he looked at me. He tilted his head slightly one way, then again in the opposite direction.
After a minute, he gently placed my hand in both of his, searching my eyes deeply. Automatically, I felt my eyes swirl with the startburst of the ultimate goddess. Eleazar smiled with some kind of realization. He patted my hand as he sat back, then explained, “Brilliant. Each of the elements is a part of your shield. That's why the protection fields work so flawlessly, Goddess. The glowing color is when one or more elements are the focus, as is when you have an episode. When your shield has the blending and swirling colors of your elements, Green will always be more prominent -as it is your natural element- but all are equally working together to protect anyone in your shield. You have but to focus, Goddess, to expand or retract your shield.”
I gave him a questioning look, so he smiled. “Close your eyes. Concentrate on the feeling you get when your shield pops up. Is there a specific physical feeling you get? Concentrate on only that. Find it's place in your mind. Study what you find there. Explain it to me.”
I closed my eyes, then took a breath. I tried to think of the combination feeling I got when my shield popped up, but was coming up empty.
I sighed out a breath as I opened my eyes, then said to Eleazar, “It's hard to explain how I feel when my shield pops up. It's almost like a combination of all my mates' energies, along with the feeling of being safe and protected... oh, like when they're all surrounding me. That might work.”
Eleazar smiled widely, giving me a simple nod, so I closed my eyes again. I thought hard about how it felt to have my mates all wrapped around me, then suddenly I felt like I was inside my own mind. I could see what looked like a filmy substance, with the swirling colors of my shield, clinging to the outer layer of my mind. I gasped before whispering out my findings to Eleazar.
It was only a second later that I heard him speak softly to me. “Good, Goddess. Very good. Now try touching it... see if you can manipulate it in any way. Will it to ripple, expand outward, shrink inward? Manipulate it in any way you can think to try. You're trying to get a basis on how it moves.”
I nodded, then concentrated on trying to touch the film. The swirls all converged and blended for a second where my hand had flattened, then shot out like sparks. It made me think of a ripple of water, then I noticed the shield rippling out in circles, from my hand outward in every direction. At the same time, I felt my safety level increase slightly.
Hmmm.
Next I tried to push on the film with my hand still flattened against it, but it didn't seem to want to move. I tried again, but still nothing. It was starting to frustrate me, as well as scare me that I'd never figure this out.
When I suddenly growled out that frustration, my shield disappeared completely from my sight.
What the hell!?
I heard several gasps, so my eyes shot open to see my shield covering not only me and Jake, but my mates, Aleksei, Carmen, and Eleazar with us. He smiled widely at me, then asked, “Explain how you made your shield expand, Goddess, please.”
I shook my head, not understanding how it happened, and told him so. “I don't know. It just happened. One second I was trying to push it outward, the next I was growling in frustration and fear of not ever getting it to work. It just disappeared completely. When I opened my eyes, it was surrounding all of us.”
I worked with Eleazar on my shield for a while longer, with no consistent results or progress, until Major finally put a halt to our training. “Enough, Isabella.”
He stopped, calming himself for a second, then cupped my cheek, “I can feel your frustration, along with our sons' mountin' hunger. Ya need to hunt now, my sweet mate. No more stallin'. Eleazar, ya can pick this up later, after a hunt and sufficient time for her to relax.”
I reluctantly nodded, knowing he wouldn't let this wait any longer, then patted Jake's nose. “Ready to go eat, Jake? I don't want to go far, though, with me still healing.”
He nodded seriously, then waited for me to mount his back before standing.
Our little group consisted of me, Jake, Major, Aleksei, Captain, and Char. We told Edward we weren't going far, then had Jake send a falcon to scout prey. Unfortunately, the only prey that was in range of my senses pretty much gave me the brussel sprout feeling. Jeremy confirmed that there was only deer and elk in our immediate vicinity, so I groused, “Uggh... okay. I guess brussel sprouts it is, Jake. There's herd of elk about 2 miles to our north east. I'll follow you.”
Jake gave a wolfy chuckle at the look that must have been on my face, while Aleksei just shook his head.
I was surprised when we reach the heard, that not only did Jake take down two of the largest males, but Aleksei was right in there too, taking down a male and female. When I went to step toward Jake, he shook his head, motioning for me to take the energy from Aleksei's kills first. I patted his head, then slowly made my way toward Aleksei, not wanting him to interpret me as a threat to his kill.
He immediately dropped his head to the ground while managing to keep both elk subdued, letting me know it was safe to approach. He backed away as soon as my fingers found purchase on the necks of both animals. I thanked him as my fingers dug into both the male and female at the same time.
As soon as I was done draining the energy from Aleksei's kills and motioned him forward again, I kissed the top of his head to thank him again before heading toward my Jake. On my way to him, I was surprised that I wasn't getting the overwhelming arousing effect that the predators had given me. Yes, there was still arousal, but it was more like Char's influence, than Peter's. I pushed the thought from my mind once I reached Jake, though. I felt completely full once I had drained the two large males of their energy.
Major looked at me questioningly once I rinsed my hands in the nearby creek, but only shook his head as he pulled me gently into his arms. He licked my sore shoulder, which had flared in pain when one of the males had put up a last fight. I instantly felt the ache lessening. I wanted to be upset, but I couldn't find the will in me when he was only following his instinct as my mate.
When he had me straddle Captain's lap and gently pulled my dress off over my head, I knew I was right. His eyes held so much all at once. I melted at his attention, understanding that my Major needed this as much as me. He tenderly licked and kissed each wound on my back, cooing his love for me while healing my tender flesh, as Aleksei and Jake happily settled into their feasts.
It was 45 minutes before we made it back, having given our protectors time to eat and bury their kills. Instead of heading to the house, though, I was surprised to see us making our way to the cabin. Having felt my curiosity, Major gave me a no-arguments look, ordering, “Ya need to spend down-time with just us for a bit. It’ll also give Jake and Aleksei time to start digestin' their meals. Whatever is goin' on in your head, Isabella, is gonna be worked out before ya start another session of shield trainin'. End of discussion.”
Though I wanted to bristle at his demand, I knew I hadn't been fully in the right headspace for a while, so quietly whispered, “Yes, Major.”
As Jake and Aleksei comfortably settled down together on their pallet bed, Major took off toward the bathroom, while Char and Peter started removing my dress and shoes. It wasn't long before the four of us were sighing in unison at the sensation of being in a quiet bath together.
Once I was straddling Major's thighs and lifted up high enough, Peter and Char took Major's previous post of licking and kissing the tender marks on my rear and thighs, while Major caressed my entire front. When he finally spoke, it was to demand in complete Major mode, “Get it out, Isabella. Whatever’s botherin' ya so much is eatin' at ya in more than one way. You'll never get past this block if ya don't. Until you're in the right place, ya won't be any use to anyone out there.”
I ducked my head, ashamed of how this all had built, then finally let out a shaky breath. “I'm starting to get scared that being pregnant while going through these battles... well, that I'll lose them anyway. That I'll do something to put them in jeopardy during a fight, or that another spell will go wrong, or that the Volturi will find us during the move, and I won't be able to protect our sons, let alone everyone else. My father and Sue, Major... I need to protect them... I have to. If I can't even get my shield to work when I command it to, how the hell am I supposed to keep them safe? They're human in a supernatural world full of shit. The supernatural world is unraveling at the ever-fraying seams right now, due to revenge, greed and power... and these bio-engineered diseases? I don't even know where to start with that fucked up mess. How do we put everything right? How do we keep everyone safe? I don't know if my goddess is enough. The more I think about what all needs to be done, the more I think we may be in over our heads here.”
Major looked at me oddly for a second, then just shook his head with a slight smirk. My brows furrowed, since that was not at all what I expected. He kissed my lips before saying, “Isabella, my beautiful goddess... how long has it been since ya meditated with your goddess in your head? How long has it been since you've truly spoken to her?”
Honestly, I couldn't have told him a confident answer as I thought about it, so winced, “So you think what? That I'm out of tune with her? That I'm neglecting my goddess part in favor of the elemental part?”
He shook his head, but it was Char who whispered into my hip, “Not neglecting, Sweetness, just out of tune. Everything has been rush-rush lately, so taking the time to focus on your goddess has fallen a bit in the chaos. That's all. If I'm thinking along the same lines as Major, we believe your fears and hesitations will be put to rest once you spend a while refocusing and re-melding yourself with her.”
Major nodded as he cradled my face in his hands, “That's exactly what I was thinkin'. Ya just need to get back to who ya are, not let all this outside shit distract ya from that. That's where your doubts are comin' from, my mate. We have faith in ya... Jake and Aleksei have faith in ya... all those shifters and vampires out there do, too... ya just need to find it in yourself again, Isabella.”
I knew my mates were right. They always knew just what I needed... too bad it took me this long to figure out something so simple.
After my mates finished tending to me, I finally whispered, breaking the silence, “It's time to reunite with my inner goddess. You know this could take a while, right?”
They all nodded, so I let out a breath. “Okay. I say we get dressed, then head back to our backyard tree. I need to get used to meditating around the other shifters, anyway.”
Major agreed that would be a good start, so we all got out to start drying off.
I ended up gravitating toward a slightly shimmery silver tunic tank, and liked the way the side ruching practically made the line for the nursing over-layer invisible. I saw a pair of smoky white jean leggings near it, then snagged them off the hanger, too. A white lace thong and silverish-gray strappy wedge heels completed the look. I took my finds back to the bedroom to find my mates all dressing near the bed.
Once I was dressed myself, Major picked me up by the backs of my thighs, telling me, “Let’s get to our tree, My Li'l Mate. The sooner you're one with your inner goddess again, the better.”
Jake nuzzled me with sad eyes while Aleksei eyed me with worry. Soon we were all making our way to the main house's backyard as one.
When Major let me down near the tree, I noticed my dad and the elders conversing with some of the shifters and vamps. I let out a breath before making a loud whistle to gain attention. I felt the silence descend over the whole property, not just our immediate vicinity, then said clearly, “I am in need of meditation, and will have to acquire each of your unique signatures during the process. For the first... let's say five minutes... after I'm settled, you may speak quietly, but please remain in your current position. After that, feel free to move around without disturbing me or my mates. I have no idea how long this meditation will take, or what the end result will be. Jake will command the shifters, while Major will be able to command the vampires without issue. Anyone not in this clearing, Jake will relay when it's safe for you to resume the building process. Thank you all.”
Once I was in position straddling Major's lap, I placed my hands on his chest, buried my face in his neck, then felt Aleksei and Jake laying down on either side of us. Captain ended up sitting behind me with Char in his lap, both of them making contact with my skin almost the instant they settled. Major let out a slow breath, then I felt our breathing synch as his fingertips ghosted over the remaining skin of my back. It wasn't long before I whispered, “When you feel me finish gaining everyone's signatures, you can give me the cocktail boost.”
He nodded, kissing my shoulder without a word, so I settled in for the long haul.
It took me slightly longer than I thought to catalog all of the ally signatures, but that was only because I checked on the protective fields and searched out the signatures of the wolves on the rez. My mind was instantly able to memorize each individual signature, once I focused on it. I stored them all for future reference.
The problem came when I slowly felt Major's meditation cocktail filling me. My body and mind didn't want to settle enough to find my inner goddess. It took an extreme measure -along Major finally growling after several attempts- to push me to where I needed to be.
“Fuckin' stop this internal fight you're havin' with yourself, Isabella! Focus, damn it! Push all the bullshit from your mind! Now!” I felt an extreme amount of venom cover my mark as Major finished his order, then my mates each covering their element as Major practically slammed me with the emotional cocktail I needed.
I gasped, then cried out at the sudden shock as my goddess instantly appeared to me in my mind. I couldn't immediately grasp the cause of my internal goddess' appearance.
She was dressed the same as me, but her appearance was haggard, welted marks over every visible surface of her skin. Her hair wasn't smooth and shiny, but mussed and dull. The worst part was the missing light in her eyes, along with the visibly drawn weary look on her face.
My mind wanted to rip and tear at whatever caused my inner goddess to look this way, but realization finally dawned on me. I broke down in dry sobs as she confirmed with a choked and pained whisper, “Yes, Isabella. I am the projection of your inner goddess' self at the present. The condition I am in is the result of your self-doubt, worry, insistence of taking on the world alone, and not keeping your relationship with your inner self as healthy as possible through meditation.”
I dropped to my knees in shame, my hands covering my face as I sobbed into them, until she yanked them away to grab my chin. Fire lit in her eyes while she nearly killed me with only the anger and disappointment searing through my very soul, her growl reverberating through every cell in my body as she angrily snapped, “I can understand small delays in communing with me, Goddess, but my condition is unforgivable. You have let the time needed to keep us centered become not important in the grand scheme of things, when we are the most important aspect of all of this! Do you not understand that if we aren't united, the others will never be one? They will believe you a hypocrite for not following your own fucking advice! Look at us, Isabella! Really look at what you've done to us. Tell me we can function like this, let alone win a single battle! Think about our children... the turmoil they feel in us, because of your constant refusal to delegate to our loved ones.”
She roughly let go of my chin, then started pacing, her hands protectively covering her midsection while angrily growling unintelligible reprimands.
I sat there shaking, knowing all of this was my fault, yet truly hoping that it wasn't too late to fix this mess. She instantly stopped, then whirled to face me, again growling, “We're lucky it isn't too late, because it soon would have been. Hell, even our Major could sense what you didn't! All this...”
She motioned to her disheveled and haggard appearance, “Is because you have been letting our importance take a back seat to your need for overseeing every little detail... without the guidance and help of me or your mates! Tell me where any of this fucking makes sense, Goddess, because I just can't fathom where you see any of this shit panning out without me or your mates. Your. Mates... Isabella! Have you even noticed how much your inner turmoil has affected them? Have you noticed how none of them have needed a love day yet? Here's a clue... they haven't gotten to that point yet, because you aren't letting them! It may not be a conscious decision on your part, but you leaving them out and trying to shoulder all of this on your own is preventing them from getting to the point that a love day is necessity in your relationships with each of them! Think really hard on your current path, then tell me honestly that our relationships with our mates will survive if you keep on this course!”
Oh. My. Goddess. She's right... I was so wrapped up in all that was going on, that I didn't even notice. While I had already gone through a double and a triple love day, my mates had yet to have even a single love day with me. What have I done?! What effect is all of this having on our sons? Our beautiful, innocent, sons. I... I need to fix this, now, but how? How can I fix something like this?
I sobbed through my internal monologue, burying my face back into my hands. I felt my inner goddess drop to her knees in front of me, then gently lift my chin. She tenderly wiped my face, offering in a soft reassuring voice, “There's still time to make this right. Not enough to play with, but enough to fix us, then your relationships with your mates. You can't do this alone, Isabella, but we can do this together. If you truly want to make this right, we need to get started quickly.”