The Descent
by Laura Spudzmom
Chapter 06
As I stepped under the warm spray, I couldn't help but think about the look I'd seen in Jasper's eyes as I'd passed him on the way to the bathroom. The only reason it registered with me at all is because of how startled I was by it; it was something very close to…regret…would be the only way I could describe it. I scoffed as I lathered my hair. What a ridiculous thought, after all, what in the world could he possibly regret in this situation?
Pity, I thought. Yeah, it was probably just pity he felt towards me and my current situation. After all, I was now in for an eternity with Caius Volturi—a man—correction—a vampire who expected me to settle for being his dish on the side. Just the thought of it had me clenching my jaw even as this infernal pain in my chest seemed to increase with every minute that passed.
As I stood under the spray to rinse, I couldn't help but feel the hopelessness of my situation keenly and the cursed longing I felt wasn't helping with my mindset in the least.
Would I ever be truly happy, or was I now damned to an eternity of pain, humiliation and misery?
Good god, what have I done? Seems I'd gone from the proverbial frying pan and right into an eternal fire.
With that simple thought, I was overwhelmed by the irony of it all and I broke into hysterical laughter that soon morphed into tearless sobs as I collapsed on the shower floor.
I'm not sure how long I was there, caught in pitying thoughts and deep despair but when I began to return to my senses, I was wrapped in a towel and cradled against a strong, comforting chest.
"Shh, darlin'," he whispered as he rocked me. "This is gonna be fine…just a bump in the road…you're gonna be fine," he murmured and oh god, how I wanted to believe him.
I pulled myself closer and clenched my eyes shut, just trying to hang onto this feeling of safety he afforded me.
"How Jasper? How will anything be okay? I can't see my way through this time and it scares me. I—I can't even escape through death this time—not easily anyway," I choked and his arms tightened around me.
"None of that now Isabella; I won't have ya talkin' like that. You're a lot stronger than ya know, and this is gonna get better. There are just certain things ya gotta do now; things ya gotta face, but they aren't insurmountable darlin'."
I shook my head and clung to him. "I can't do it Jasper—I can't…"
"Hey," he said as he grasped my face and made me meet his stern gaze. "You can and you will." He sighed as we studied each other for a moment. "And god help me, but I'll be here for ya. Ya don't have to do it alone, ya hear?"
I fought the sudden and inexplicable urge to smirk and cocked a brow at him instead. "Really? Does this mean you'll be joining in when I go see Caius?"
He set me next to him on the bed and reached for his smokes. As he took one out and lit it, he shot me a scowling smirk. "Smart-ass," he grumbled as he took a drag and blew it out. "Afraid you're on your own for that part darlin'." He smirked. "I mean, I've known Caius a long time but never like that, so it ain't happenin' now either, not that he hasn't offered," he finished in a mumble and I felt my brows climb.
"No shit?" I questioned. He simply arched a brow and took a deep drag from his smoke. "He really is quite…liberal in the bedroom, isn't he?" I murmured as I looked away.
He got up, dug some clothes out for me and tossed them to me. "Get dressed Bella." He glanced at the clock beside the bed. "We got a castle to go to in just a couple of hours."
I felt dread fill me and he glanced at me sharply. "Can you really say you're not attracted to him Bella? I mean, I was sure you were gonna be gone for the night after ya left with him last night. The lust you were throwin' off was thick enough to make that a pretty safe assessment."
I frowned and looked up at him where he leaned against the dresser. "No damn it, I can't deny it." My fists clenched at the conflicting feelings of longing and anger that warred within me. "I just…" My jaw tensed and I growled for the very first time. "I just wish he acted a little more…" I trailed off, searching for the right words and he smirked.
"What? Like a lovelorn Victorian gentleman?" he asked with a raised brow.
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, I was torn between shame and anger. I went with anger. "That was beyond low, don't you think Jasper?" I asked as I jerked on my clothes while shooting him a dark look. He merely shrugged.
"You need to face these things before you'll ever hope to get over 'em Isabella. That's just the way this emotional shit works. Are you tellin' me you're still so hung up on the golden boy that you can't stand the subject being broached in any way?"
After fastening my pants, I sat on the bed and sighed. "You're right Jasper. It's ridiculous for me to be unable to even speak of Edward." I looked up at him and met that unrelenting gaze. "Not very mature of me, is it?"
His eyes seemed to see through me and his look was fierce when he finally spoke. "Never give someone so much of yourself that losing them would destroy you Isabella. Never give someone that much power in your life. You handed Edward that power over you and you've yet to take it back. I'm tellin' you now…Take. It. Back.
…and never hand it over again."
I watched in silent awe and interest as he lit another cigarette and solemnly stared down at it. His hand was shaking, his body tense and I couldn't help but wonder if he spoke from experience. Grimly, I decided he probably did, especially if his current lost expression was any indicator.
"Jasper?" My brow furrowed as he seemed to startle at the sound of my voice. It was subtle; a human wouldn't have caught it, but I knew I hadn't imagined it and it worried me. Jasper was a rock, right? Virtually untouchable—at least that's the impression I'd had of him since he'd revealed his true self to me in Forks… But now, he seemed shaken and judging from what we'd just been speaking about, I could only guess it had something to do with a past love; something he'd buried deeply and thought of rarely…
He seemed to snap out of it instantly and was back to the Jasper I knew; cool confident, unflappable. "Yeah darlin'?" he asked as he stood straight and dug out a shirt to wear.
"Everything okay? You seemed to be deep in thought…"
His lips quirked into a smile that didn't touch his eyes. "It's easy to do with enough years behind ya sugar but I'm fine." He glanced out the window and back at me. "Now, put some shoes on so we can get to the castle and get this over with while we still have some cloud cover."
I nodded as I grabbed my shoes, knowing he was right if the increasing pain in my chest was anything to go by. It was obvious to me that I could rant and rage against this fate but it would be all for naught. In the end, it was unavoidable.
When I had my shoes on, I stared down at my lap and muttered, "So, you're sure I'll be able to walk away from him after I do this; after the bond is complete?"
I met his solemn stare and he gave me a nod. "It ain't like you'll be able to stay away forever—you'll have to see him every few months I would guess—but yes, you'll be able to walk away if that's what ya decide ya want."
I stared into his eyes. "You won't leave me behind will you?"
He looked away for a moment and then back at me. "I knew what I was gettin' into when I decided to turn ya Isabella… No, I won't leave ya behind, not as long as ya need me."
After a moment of him letting me feel his total resolve, I smiled softly. "Thanks Jay."
His brows inched up. "Jay?" he questioned with a smirk.
I grinned evilly. "Would you rather I call you Jazzy?" I asked, pitching my voice higher than usual.
He narrowed his eyes at me and my grin widened. "I'm gonna overlook ya even bringin' that up darlin'—this time."
He walked to the door and opened it for me as he gestured into the hall with a flourish and smirk. "Your King awaits My Lady."
"Thanks for the reminder," I grumbled as I walked by. When we fell into step together, I glanced at him only to see him looking tense and grim again. "You know, you look much better with a smile."
"Really now…" he drawled as we descended the stairs. "And I suppose you'd rather I grin like a village idiot all the time?"
"So surly," I muttered as we exited the building and headed for the rental car.
"No, not an idiot," I finally answered as we got in the car and he started it. "I just—well, I like your smile," I finished weakly as I glanced at him.
He pulled out into the narrow street and muttered "Huh."
"That's it?" I asked after a few beats of silence.
He looked perplexed. "What's it?"
I frowned at him. "I tell you I like your smile and all you have to say is 'huh'?"
He smirked at me and looked back at the road. "All right Isabella. Thank you for the compliment and may I just say my Lady, your smile is as the sun emerging from a stormy sky," he gestured imperiously with one hand as he spoke, "…or the beauty of a rainbow after a storm or a unicorn frolickin'…"
He trailed off with a surprisingly youthful laugh as I punched him in the arm. "You ass," I muttered and he grinned widely as he drove. I observed him for a few moments and my only thought was the teasing was worth it, if only just to see that smile and that panty-melting dimple in his cheek.
All too soon however, we were being directed to a parking space in the underground garage of the castle. "Seems like the ass was expecting us," I mumbled as Jay parked and turned off the car.
"Well, yeah, with how things were left between ya, it was pretty much a guarantee you'd be back darlin'."
"Ahh!" I held up a hand. "Sorry I mentioned it. Let's just drop it until we're done here and away from this place?"
He eyed me for a moment. "Don't go lettin' this tear into ya darlin'. You're stronger than this, ya hear? Ya go in there with your head up and ya come back out the very same way. That's how ya deal with this, ya hear? You're doin' this for you and whether you leave afterward is entirely up to you; your decision, no one else's."
I reached over and took his hand and he stared at it for a beat before giving it a gentle squeeze. That gesture, combined with his words was just what I needed and I nodded gratefully. "Thanks again Jay," I murmured and got out of the car.
As I stepped under the warm spray, I couldn't help but think about the look I'd seen in Jasper's eyes as I'd passed him on the way to the bathroom. The only reason it registered with me at all is because of how startled I was by it; it was something very close to…regret…would be the only way I could describe it. I scoffed as I lathered my hair. What a ridiculous thought, after all, what in the world could he possibly regret in this situation?
Pity, I thought. Yeah, it was probably just pity he felt towards me and my current situation. After all, I was now in for an eternity with Caius Volturi—a man—correction—a vampire who expected me to settle for being his dish on the side. Just the thought of it had me clenching my jaw even as this infernal pain in my chest seemed to increase with every minute that passed.
As I stood under the spray to rinse, I couldn't help but feel the hopelessness of my situation keenly and the cursed longing I felt wasn't helping with my mindset in the least.
Would I ever be truly happy, or was I now damned to an eternity of pain, humiliation and misery?
Good god, what have I done? Seems I'd gone from the proverbial frying pan and right into an eternal fire.
With that simple thought, I was overwhelmed by the irony of it all and I broke into hysterical laughter that soon morphed into tearless sobs as I collapsed on the shower floor.
I'm not sure how long I was there, caught in pitying thoughts and deep despair but when I began to return to my senses, I was wrapped in a towel and cradled against a strong, comforting chest.
"Shh, darlin'," he whispered as he rocked me. "This is gonna be fine…just a bump in the road…you're gonna be fine," he murmured and oh god, how I wanted to believe him.
I pulled myself closer and clenched my eyes shut, just trying to hang onto this feeling of safety he afforded me.
"How Jasper? How will anything be okay? I can't see my way through this time and it scares me. I—I can't even escape through death this time—not easily anyway," I choked and his arms tightened around me.
"None of that now Isabella; I won't have ya talkin' like that. You're a lot stronger than ya know, and this is gonna get better. There are just certain things ya gotta do now; things ya gotta face, but they aren't insurmountable darlin'."
I shook my head and clung to him. "I can't do it Jasper—I can't…"
"Hey," he said as he grasped my face and made me meet his stern gaze. "You can and you will." He sighed as we studied each other for a moment. "And god help me, but I'll be here for ya. Ya don't have to do it alone, ya hear?"
I fought the sudden and inexplicable urge to smirk and cocked a brow at him instead. "Really? Does this mean you'll be joining in when I go see Caius?"
He set me next to him on the bed and reached for his smokes. As he took one out and lit it, he shot me a scowling smirk. "Smart-ass," he grumbled as he took a drag and blew it out. "Afraid you're on your own for that part darlin'." He smirked. "I mean, I've known Caius a long time but never like that, so it ain't happenin' now either, not that he hasn't offered," he finished in a mumble and I felt my brows climb.
"No shit?" I questioned. He simply arched a brow and took a deep drag from his smoke. "He really is quite…liberal in the bedroom, isn't he?" I murmured as I looked away.
He got up, dug some clothes out for me and tossed them to me. "Get dressed Bella." He glanced at the clock beside the bed. "We got a castle to go to in just a couple of hours."
I felt dread fill me and he glanced at me sharply. "Can you really say you're not attracted to him Bella? I mean, I was sure you were gonna be gone for the night after ya left with him last night. The lust you were throwin' off was thick enough to make that a pretty safe assessment."
I frowned and looked up at him where he leaned against the dresser. "No damn it, I can't deny it." My fists clenched at the conflicting feelings of longing and anger that warred within me. "I just…" My jaw tensed and I growled for the very first time. "I just wish he acted a little more…" I trailed off, searching for the right words and he smirked.
"What? Like a lovelorn Victorian gentleman?" he asked with a raised brow.
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, I was torn between shame and anger. I went with anger. "That was beyond low, don't you think Jasper?" I asked as I jerked on my clothes while shooting him a dark look. He merely shrugged.
"You need to face these things before you'll ever hope to get over 'em Isabella. That's just the way this emotional shit works. Are you tellin' me you're still so hung up on the golden boy that you can't stand the subject being broached in any way?"
After fastening my pants, I sat on the bed and sighed. "You're right Jasper. It's ridiculous for me to be unable to even speak of Edward." I looked up at him and met that unrelenting gaze. "Not very mature of me, is it?"
His eyes seemed to see through me and his look was fierce when he finally spoke. "Never give someone so much of yourself that losing them would destroy you Isabella. Never give someone that much power in your life. You handed Edward that power over you and you've yet to take it back. I'm tellin' you now…Take. It. Back.
…and never hand it over again."
I watched in silent awe and interest as he lit another cigarette and solemnly stared down at it. His hand was shaking, his body tense and I couldn't help but wonder if he spoke from experience. Grimly, I decided he probably did, especially if his current lost expression was any indicator.
"Jasper?" My brow furrowed as he seemed to startle at the sound of my voice. It was subtle; a human wouldn't have caught it, but I knew I hadn't imagined it and it worried me. Jasper was a rock, right? Virtually untouchable—at least that's the impression I'd had of him since he'd revealed his true self to me in Forks… But now, he seemed shaken and judging from what we'd just been speaking about, I could only guess it had something to do with a past love; something he'd buried deeply and thought of rarely…
He seemed to snap out of it instantly and was back to the Jasper I knew; cool confident, unflappable. "Yeah darlin'?" he asked as he stood straight and dug out a shirt to wear.
"Everything okay? You seemed to be deep in thought…"
His lips quirked into a smile that didn't touch his eyes. "It's easy to do with enough years behind ya sugar but I'm fine." He glanced out the window and back at me. "Now, put some shoes on so we can get to the castle and get this over with while we still have some cloud cover."
I nodded as I grabbed my shoes, knowing he was right if the increasing pain in my chest was anything to go by. It was obvious to me that I could rant and rage against this fate but it would be all for naught. In the end, it was unavoidable.
When I had my shoes on, I stared down at my lap and muttered, "So, you're sure I'll be able to walk away from him after I do this; after the bond is complete?"
I met his solemn stare and he gave me a nod. "It ain't like you'll be able to stay away forever—you'll have to see him every few months I would guess—but yes, you'll be able to walk away if that's what ya decide ya want."
I stared into his eyes. "You won't leave me behind will you?"
He looked away for a moment and then back at me. "I knew what I was gettin' into when I decided to turn ya Isabella… No, I won't leave ya behind, not as long as ya need me."
After a moment of him letting me feel his total resolve, I smiled softly. "Thanks Jay."
His brows inched up. "Jay?" he questioned with a smirk.
I grinned evilly. "Would you rather I call you Jazzy?" I asked, pitching my voice higher than usual.
He narrowed his eyes at me and my grin widened. "I'm gonna overlook ya even bringin' that up darlin'—this time."
He walked to the door and opened it for me as he gestured into the hall with a flourish and smirk. "Your King awaits My Lady."
"Thanks for the reminder," I grumbled as I walked by. When we fell into step together, I glanced at him only to see him looking tense and grim again. "You know, you look much better with a smile."
"Really now…" he drawled as we descended the stairs. "And I suppose you'd rather I grin like a village idiot all the time?"
"So surly," I muttered as we exited the building and headed for the rental car.
"No, not an idiot," I finally answered as we got in the car and he started it. "I just—well, I like your smile," I finished weakly as I glanced at him.
He pulled out into the narrow street and muttered "Huh."
"That's it?" I asked after a few beats of silence.
He looked perplexed. "What's it?"
I frowned at him. "I tell you I like your smile and all you have to say is 'huh'?"
He smirked at me and looked back at the road. "All right Isabella. Thank you for the compliment and may I just say my Lady, your smile is as the sun emerging from a stormy sky," he gestured imperiously with one hand as he spoke, "…or the beauty of a rainbow after a storm or a unicorn frolickin'…"
He trailed off with a surprisingly youthful laugh as I punched him in the arm. "You ass," I muttered and he grinned widely as he drove. I observed him for a few moments and my only thought was the teasing was worth it, if only just to see that smile and that panty-melting dimple in his cheek.
All too soon however, we were being directed to a parking space in the underground garage of the castle. "Seems like the ass was expecting us," I mumbled as Jay parked and turned off the car.
"Well, yeah, with how things were left between ya, it was pretty much a guarantee you'd be back darlin'."
"Ahh!" I held up a hand. "Sorry I mentioned it. Let's just drop it until we're done here and away from this place?"
He eyed me for a moment. "Don't go lettin' this tear into ya darlin'. You're stronger than this, ya hear? Ya go in there with your head up and ya come back out the very same way. That's how ya deal with this, ya hear? You're doin' this for you and whether you leave afterward is entirely up to you; your decision, no one else's."
I reached over and took his hand and he stared at it for a beat before giving it a gentle squeeze. That gesture, combined with his words was just what I needed and I nodded gratefully. "Thanks again Jay," I murmured and got out of the car.
DISCLAIMER: Twilight and its inclusive material is copyright to Stephenie Meyer. Original creation, including but not limited to plot and characters, is copyright to the respective authors of each story. No copyright infringement is intended.