Once Upon a December Coming Soon!!!
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Once Upon A December
Dancing Bears
Painted Wings
Things I almost remember
and a song someone sings
Once Upon A December.
Someone holds me
safe and warm
horses prance
through a silver storm
figures dancing gracefully
across my memory.
Someone holds me safe and warm
Horses prance
through a silver storm
figures dancing gracefully
across my memory.
Far way, Long ago
Glowing dim as an ember
things my heart used to know
Things it yearns to remember
and a song someone sings
Once Upon A December.
She was pacing around the seating area. back and forth, back and forth. stopping only long enough to glare at the clock mounted on the wall on the opposite side of the room. watching as the hours, minutes, seconds ticked by much to slowly. occassionally she would glance out the window; the snow still falling heavily. she wondered if the storm was causing a delay in his arrival.
with one more look at the clock she sighed as she flopped gracefully into one of the cold plastic chairs. Unconsciously her fingers began to twist and twirl the bracelet on her wrist, causing the charms to jingle. They shimmered and moved as if they were dancing, bringing her attention to it. Staring at it closely she remembered the night he gave it to her:
~Christmas Decemeber 25th 2005~
"Darlin' could ya come here a minute? I have something for ya." He called from somewhere in the house.
She made her way out of the crowed living room and into the small hallway. She saw him standing under the mistle toe with his hands behind his back. she stopped her movements when she was just inches from him. close enough that she could feel his breath on her skin.
"If this is another trick to get me to kiss you mister...you can just forget it." She told him.
She turned to walk away, but he reached out to stop her.
"Please..I swear it's no trick. I really do have a present for you."
When she turned to look at him with a curious expression, she noticed he was holding a small wrapped box in his hand.
"You didn't have to. I didn't get you anything." She told him while eyeing the box.
"It's okay. I just thought i would give you something to remember me by. I'm leaving to head back to school the day after tomorrow. I have work..."
"Your not staying for New Year's?" She questioned.
"I couldn't get that much time off from work. It's fine though. It'll give me a chance to get caught up on the paper I have due for one of my classes."
"Well then I guess you better hand it over then huh?"
He chuckled, but handed her the box. When she finally had all the paper off, she stared at it for a minuted before looking back at him with a what- the-fuck? expression.
"Just open it." he said while rolling his eyes.
She opened the small box to see a black satin pouch inside. removing the small bag she heard a tinkling sound..like small bells jingling. She handed him the box to hold as she opened the the bag, tipping it upside down to allow it's contents to slide out onto the palm of her hand. Her eyes lit up and a gasp slipped past her lips.
"It's beautiful." she sighed.
She Looked at the beautiful silver charm bracelet. It held several small charms that looked like tiny ballet dancers. When she looked closer she giggled as she saw that they were not ballet dancers but tiny dancing bears.
"May I?" he asked as he reached for the bracelet.
"Of course."
He gently took the bracelet and clasped it around her wrist. She lifted her arm, admiring it once more in the light. When she shook her hand slightly causing the charms to move, she saw that it looked as if they were in fact dancing.
"Thank you." she said, and quickly leaned forward kissing his cheek.
He stood there stunned as she walked away. He never expected that. after all they were just friends.
~Back to the Present~
The memory brough a smile to her face. she shook her hand once again watching the little silver bears dance once again. she would never forget the look on his face after she kissed his cheek that night.
They had kept in contact by calling, texting and email. Every once in a while the stars would a line just right and allow them the chance to video chat. Their relationship was budding into something more after that night so many years ago. It wasn't until two years later that she got to see him face to face again.
~Christmas Eve December 24th 2007~
Once again it was time for his parents to hold their annual Yule tide Ball. His family held this tradition for generations; dating as far back as the Civil War. They even kept the attire era specific; poofy ball gowns with rib crushing corsetts and silly bonnets, to Men wearing tailored suits that had coat tails and shiny uncomfortable shoes.
She was speaking with his brother, when he snuck up behind her placing his hands over her eyes. He whispered in her ear:
"Guess who?"
"Um...Ed McMann?"
"I'm not that old!"
"Ok...Ok...uh..One of Santa's elves?"
"Nope" he said popping the "P". " but I do come bearing a gift.
She gasped. spinning so quickly she almost knocked them both down.
"Oh my god! Your here! I can't believe it!" she screamed. Hugging him to her.
"I'm glad to see ya too Darlin'."
"How long are you home for? Have you seen everyone? when did you get in? didn't you say you have something for me?" she asked so quickly he couldn't get a word in edge wise.
"Whoa Darlin'. Let's start from the beginning. I'm home till after the New Year. No I haven't had the chance to see everyone yet, I came straight her looking for you. I got in a few hours ago, and Yes i have something for ya. Now i think that was all of them." He laughed.
"So what is it you have for me?" She asked as she looked at him with wide child like eyes. How could he resist that?
"This" he said pulling her to him. His lips locked with hers. The kiss was nothing like the one they shared two years prior. This kiss was full of want and passion. When he pulled away she stood there like a deer caught in the headlights; much like he had done when she kissed him. Their eyes locked for a moment in a silent exchange. But soon the moment was broken when his mother called for him. He excused himself and walked away.
The night progressed with passing glances, brushing fingers, and silent stares from across the room. Every now and then they would get the chance to dance together before someone would cut in and they'd be swept away form one another once again. By the end of the night they both seemed to have given up, and went their seperate ways.
New Year's eve was the next time they got to be together. This time before anyone had the chance to seperate them, they left the party. Heading back to the hotel room he had rented for his two week stay. As soon as they were inside he started.
"Sorry we haven't had much time to talk." He said as he closed the door behind them.
"It's alright. I understand...there's a whole lot of them and only one of you." she said refering to their friends.
"Yeah I guess your right."
"So what is it you wanted to talk about?" She asked nervously.
"Us."
"What about us?"
"This thing between us."
"Oh and what would that be?"
"Okay I'm just gonna lay it all out on the table then. I know we started out as friends and have been for a very long time. But ever since we started really talking two years ago, your all I ever think about. I'm positive I'm falling in love with ya."
She stood there stunned. For a moment she was unsure how to answer that, or if she even heard him correctly. She knew she felt the same way...but she had never thought..not in a million years, he could feel the same. Her silence must have unsettled him as he spoke.
"I'll understand if ya don't feel the same way. I just couldn't leave again without telling ya how I feel about ya." he stuttered.
"What?..No! Shit....Sorry. It's not like that at all. I fell the same way. I just never thought you would ever..."
He cut her off by capturing her lips with his. The kiss was slow and full of passion and longing. When they broke apart both were panting and gasping for breath.
"Wow" She whispered.
"Yeah." was his reply.
It wasn't their first kiss, but it felt like it was. Now that their feelings for each other were known, it was like everything changed.
"So...um. Where do we go from here?" She asked looking anywhere but at his eyes.
He lifted her chin with his fingers, bringing her eyes to meet his.
"We take it one day at a time."
Then he was kissing her again. His tongue caressed her lower lip begging for entrance, to which seh willing gave. as the kiss intensified , so did the lust. she could practically feel it rolling off of him, as she was sure he could feel hers. Grabbing his shirt, she began walking backwards, bringing him with her. Once she felt the back of her knees hit the mattress of the bed she spun them around knocking him off his feet and onto the bed. She crawled up his body, only stopping once she was straddling his waist. She started kissing and sucking on his neck. the moans leaving his lips spurred her on, so when she ground her already dripping center onto his pant covered erection he froze. She stopped what she was doing to look into his eyes.
"What is it? Did i do something wrong?" She asked.
"No it wasn't you. I have to tell you something before we go any farther."
"Okay.." She said hesitantly.
"When I said I was leaving the day after tomorrow, I'm not heading back for school."
"Your not?"
"No."
"Then why are you leaving?"
"I leave for basic training. I enlisted."
"OH. How long will you be gone?"
"6 weeks."
"And after that?"
"18 months over seas."
"So..What does that mean for us?" she said sitting up.
"I was hoping ya'd wait for me..." he said in a whisper.
"Wait so you still wanna be with me even though your leaving?"
"Yes. Very much so. I told ya I was fallin for ya. I promise to come home as often as I can. We can still write and talk on the phone when I'm able. That's if ya want to?"
Suddenly her lips were on his. When she pulled back for air she told him.
"I very much want to. I'll wait for you. I have waited this long for you..what's a few more months?"
The smile that broke across his face could have lit up an entire city. Then he flipped them so he was on top, as he crashed his lips to hers. grinding into her like she was previously doing to him. The only sounds in the room were their moans and heavy breathing. She reached to unbutton his shirt. slipping it from his shoulders with ease. He then removed hers. it was when she reached to undo the button on his pants that he froze once again. This time he looked into her eyes.
"Are you sure?"
"More then anything."
It's not like they were teenagers or virgins for that matter. both had had their share of first loves and broken hearts.
Soon their clothing littered the floor. He took a moment to gaze upon her naked form below him. He saw nothing but perfection. He slowly slid into her causing them both to moan. she felt whole when he was finally fully sheathed inside her already pulsing core. He began pulling back out at a torturously slow rate, forcing her to wrap her legs around him and dig her heels into his ass as she pushed him back in. they finally settled into a steady rhythm. Matching each other thrust for thrust. he began to nip and suck on her exposed skin, making her whole body tremble. when he sucked one of her nipples into his mouth she moaned louder. She could feel she was close. her walls clenching tighter and tighter, making it so she felt every inch and ridge of his cock as he pulled in and out of her.
"Please..." She whimpered."So. Close. Please."
He wasn't one to make a lady beg so he picked up his pace. Leaning back some he brought his fingers to her clit and began massaging it. She moaned and thrust upward neeting his downward stroke.
"That's it Darlin', cum all over my cock."
And she did. Screaming his name. he once again started pumping faster and harder, extending her orgasm. she felt his body begin to shake. it wouldn't be much longer. She ran her hands down his back, scrapping her nails along the way.
"Cum for me...please. I wanna feel you explode inside me." She called to him.
She watched as his eyes brightened just before they rolled into the back of his head. His body shook then stiffened as she felt him release deep within her. Deciding to return the favor, she began thrusting and grinding against him. Milking him for every last drop he could give her. when he collapsed on top of her she ran her hands down his back, causing his body to shudder and a moan to leave his lips.
It was then in the dim lights of the room that she saw the two glorious angel wings tattoed on his back. She didn't say anthing to him about them, but began to trace the shimmering pattern. Once he came back to himself, he rolled to the side pulling her into his side.
"Darlin' that was...Well there's just no words."
"I agree." She said as she curled into him and began to lightly rub her fingertips across his chest in the same pattern as the wings on his back. It wasn't long before she started dozing off in his arms. Just as she was almost out she swore she heard him singing quietly.
I set out on a narrow way
many years ago.
Hoping i would find true love
Along the broken road.
But i got lost a time or two
wiped my brow but kept pushing through.
I couldn't see how every sign
Lead me straight to you.
Every long lot dream
Lead me to where you are.
Others have broke my heart
They were like northern stars
pointing me on my way
Into your loving arms.
This much I know is true.
That god blessed the broken road
That lead me straight to you.
~Present~
She hadn't realized she was crying until a young girl asked her.
"Ma'am are you okay?"
"yes, yes. I'm fine. Just remembering the past."
"Oh. was it sad? and is that what made you cry?" the girl asked handing her a tissue from her pocket.
It was then she took a good look at the girl. She was almost an exact replica of her best friend. Only much smaller.
"NO. It was a happy memory. I just haven't thought about it in a long time."
"Oh...Okay." The child smiled. "Do you remember anything else? maybe it will make the time go faster?"
"I'll try."
She thought for a time before a memory came to mind.
"Would you like to hear it?"
"Oh please. Is it a happy memory?" The girl asked.
"Yes and no."
"Is it romantic?" she asked batting her lashes dramatically.
She giggled at the girls antics, but replied. "I guess so, but it's sad also."
"Why's it sad?"
"The person in the memory was leaving."
"Yes i guess that would be sad."
"Would you like me to start?"
"Yes, yes, yes!" she chanted happily.
"Okay. It was New Year's Day 2006..."
~Memory~
I woke to find the bed empty. He had woken up before me. I looked around the room for him but he was nowhere to be seen. Then i heard the shower running in the next room. I got up from the bed and slipped my robe on. Walking into the front room I called room service and ordered us breakfast. As i finished the call I heard the water shut off. I waited a few minutes before entering the bedroom. His back was to me and i had a perfect view of the beautiful angel wings that were painted forever on his shoulders and back. When i sighed, he heard, and turned toward me.
"I see ya've noticed my wings." he drawled.
"There Beautiful." I told him. "Is there a story behind them?"
"Yes. It symbolizes that no matter where I am or where I go, I will always have an angel watchin my back."
"Beautiful." I said again.
"Yeah i guess it is." he said.
"Did you use all the hot water?" i asked to ease the tension that suddenly seemed to be there.
"Nope...saved ya just a little, so shower fast. We have somewhere to be."
"OH...Well breakfast is on it's way up."
"I'll get it."
When i went and got my shower. after i finished i dressed and made my way to the little table in the other room to eat my breakfast. We put the tray outside the door, and got ready to leave. He helped me put my coat on and we headed outside. When we stepped out it was snowing. He said it was perfect for what he had planned. When we turned to head toward the street, i saw it. there standing in the drive was a horse drawn carriage. The white horses blended perfectly with the snow. He helped me into the carriage and then wrapped his arms around me. we covered with the blanket that was supplied. The driver then flicked the reigns and the horse took off, kicking up the snow as they moved.
We came to a stop just inside the town square. I looked at him with a questioning eye, and he just smirked. He stepped down off the carriage before turning and holding out his hand to help me down. Once i was firmly on the ground he laced my arm through his and started us toward the Ice skating rink that was set up. We stopped for a hot chocolate before standing on the edge of the ice to watch the skaters. When i shivered he wrapped his arms around me to keep me warm. I felt safe in his arms. We watched as the couples skated around in a graceful dance. It could be more perfect.
Minutes or hours could have passed until he finally broke the silence.
"Did ya really mean it when ya said ya'd wait for me?"
I turned in his arms to look at him.
"Of course I meant it."
"I'm sorry it took me so long to tell ya how i felt. It just was never the right time. I didn't wanna tell in a text or in a email. over the phone didn't feel right either. It had to be face to face. I'm just sorry i don't have longer to stay with you."
"I understand. Don't worry, I'll be here wehn you get back." I said said touching his cheek with my fingertips.
He kissed my lips briefly, before i turned back to watch the skaters.
~End memory~
"He left the following morning."
"Did he come back like he said?" she asked.
"Yes he did. The first time. After is six weeks of basic training he came home for three days. We spent every minute together."
"That's so sweet."
"It was."
"Was?"
"He was only supposed to be gone for 18 months."
"That's a long time."
"It is."
"What happened? Didn't he come home?"
"No he didn't. We got a letter from him about two weeks before he was scheduled to come home. He told us that he was promoted and he was being transfered into another unit. He had to re-train with this new unit and then go out on patrols with them. He wouldn't be home for 12 more months."
"That sucks. Did he at least write?"
"He did for a while. Then the letters became fewer and further inbetween."
"Did he come home then?"
"So sweetie he didn't. After his 12 months were up we waited to hear from him. we waited for the call or letter that told us when he was coming home but it never arrived."
"What happened? Why didn't he come home?"
"We got a call from the staff sergant for his unit. He never came back from a patrol and was reported Missing."
"Oh my. Was he okay?"
"It took them 6 months to find him and bring him back."
"But he was okay right?"
"We got a call from a hospital in France. The took him there for surgery. Both his legs were broken, and they had to repair some nerve damage in his arm. The doctor told us he wouldn't be able to travel for a while. He was over there for another 8 months."
"So where is he now?"
"He's coming home. That's why I'm here."
"So how long has it been since you saw him last?"
"4 very long years."
"And you still waited? you kept your promise?"
"Yes i did. I told him i would."
Flight 713 from Virginia now arriving at gate 12.
"That's him." she said standing.
When she turned around to thank the little girl for keeping her company she was nowhere to be seen. she looked around the room only to find it empty. shaking off the strange feeling she was getting, she started to turn toward the gate when she heard her name.
"Bella"
She Froze. That was a voice she hadn't heard in 4 long years.
"Jasper?"
As much as she wanted to turn around and see him, she couldn't bring herself to do it. What if he wasn't really there? What she made him up like the little girl?
"Is it really you?" She whispered.
"Bella Darlin'?"
She could hear him step closer. Her heart pounding faster with each echo of his boots.
"Please don't be my Imagination." She said as the tears began to fall.
His footsteps stopped. No...she thought. It was just a dream.
"Darlin' look at me." his voiced pleaded.
She wasn't sure when she closed her eyes but she refused to open them, refused to return to reality where he was still gone. seh shook her head.
"NO. If i open my eyes I'll still be sitting in this lowsy airport alone, and you'll still be gone."
She felt when he wrapped his arms around her. She felt the heat radiate off his body as he pulled her into his chest. His smell invaded her senses: Leather, hay and now gunpowder and bleach. She clung tightly to him. If this was a dream she never wanted to wake up. She felt his breath onher neck before she heard his voice again whispering in her ear.
"I'm really here Darlin'. Your not alone anymore. Please open your eyes. Let me see ya. I haven't seen ya beautiful eyes in so long. I missed ya."
She didn't know where it came from, but suddenly she swelled with anger. Before she could stop it the words spilled from her mouth.
"And why is that?" Her eyes snapped open when his hands fell from her sides, and he stepped back.
"Darlin'?"
"Answer me! Why is it that you haven't seen my eyes in so long...Why is it that you missed me?"
"I'm sorry Bella."
"Sorry doesn't make it better Jasper."
"I don't know what you want me to say here."
"I want to know why it's been 4 years? 4 years Jasper. 4 very long, lonely and scary years. First your promotion, then you go missing, then your hospitalized. This is not what you promised me Jasper."
"I'm so so sorry Bella."
"Yeah well I don't wanna hear it Jasper. Tell your mother how sorry you are. Maybe she'll forgive you cause right now I can't."
She started walking toward the doors, she was almost there when she realized he hadn't followed. She turned back to him.
"Well come on. Let's go. It's getting colder, the snows getting higher and it's already a long enough ride."
"Ride?" he asked.
"Yes, the horses are tied up in the parking garage. The roads are closed to vehicles because of the heavy snow. I didn't think you'd want to stay in the airport overnight did you?"
"No. Thank you."
"Your welcome. Now let's go."
He followed her out to where she had the horses. Once he was close enough he saw they were his mothers prized stallions. He walked to the one that she wasn't standing near. he watched as she pulled a warm riding jacket and gloves from the saddlebag.
She watched him from the corner of her eye as he strapped his duffle to the other horse before he mounted it.
"You do remember how to do this right?"
"Yeah. I remember." She thought she saw a flicker of hurt in his eyes.
It brought back a memory of their first time together. Shaking it off she pushed her heel gently into the horses' side to get him going. The horse took off at a steady trot. She could feel his eyes watching her as she rode ahead of him. Even though she was angry with him she still loved him. Yes loved.
They were about half a mile from his mother's home when she turned to him.
"Race ya?"
The expression on his face made her laugh.
"Come on. I bet you I'll win. ready. set. go!"
She took off. It took him a moment to realize she wasn't joking. He pushed the horse to go faster but she already had a good lead on him. The soft snow flying up around them in a beautiful storm of tiny silver flakes.
When she reached the barn she stopped. Noticing she won, she had the horse Prance around in a victory dance. Kicking up snow so it made it look like they were standing in a snowglobe. She stopped just in time to see him bring the other horse to a stop. The snow was still swirling around them. She slowly hopped down off her horse and lead him into the barn. After she got the horse settled back into his stall she turned toward him.
"I'm sure you know the way to your house from here. I'm heading home. Goodnight Jasper." she said as she turned and left.
It's been 3 days.
3 days since he came home
3 days since she lashed out at him.
3 days since she left her home.
I know 3 doesn't seem like a signifigant number in the grand scheme of things, not in comparison to other numbers like: 1,460. That's the number of days he was gone. 208, the number of weeks, or 48; the number of months since he left. Then there's the less impressive number 4. The total number of years he never came home.
Sure it's only one number above 3, but to her it was the number that shook her to her very core. So 3 shouldn't be all that bad right? Wrong! 3 days of going over and over everything that happened 3 days ago was horrifying. She had been anticipating his arrival, yearning for it. After all she waited for him like she promised. She even moved into the cottage at the back of his mother's ranch. She spent every waking hour with his family and their friends, people who would constantly keep reminding her of his feeling for her. "Distance makes the heart grow fonder" they'd say. She was really beginning to hate that saying.
But her anticipation was short lived. Soon as she heard him it turned to dread. What if after 4 years he no longer felt that way about her? What if he changed over there? What if he no longer wanted to be with her? did she wait in vein?
With the memories of their past haunting her now, it made everything feel more dreamlike. When he came home she thought their reunion would be more climatic. They would see each other and then run to meet in the middle. he would drop his bag just fast enough to catch her as she wrapped herself around him. He would kiss her with a fiery passion that would make the sun pale in comparison. But that didn't happen. Instead she hid from him. She cried when she thought about him being a dream. When he held her it was more like a friend comforting another.
Then she yelled at him. When he said he missed her it all came rushing back. The embers of fading memories burst into flames. Igniting her anger at the way he abandoned her, anger at his lies and broken promises. She couldn't dare to get her hopes up. She wouldn't. It's not like in the past where he would come looking for her the second he arrived home. If he still felt about her they way he used to he would have found her by now. Perhaps it was better this way. Letting her hopes die out into smoldering embers, with the memories of the love they once shared. Maybe they left it there in the past? In the hotel room or at the Ice skating rink. Just maybe that's where she should let it stay. It was time to move on. But then there was that flicker of hurt in his eyes when she asked him if he remembered...maybe he too was remember the promises he broke? No, she wouldn't go down this road. It was time to start again and the first step was to say goodbye.
It was Christmas Eve. She was dressing for the annual Yule Tide Ball. Her crushing corsett top red ball gown fit snugly over her figure. She had braided the few strands of hair on either side of her face and laced them with green and silver ribbons before tying them back to form a crown around her head. The rest of her hair was left to flow in the natural curls down her back. It took but minutes before she found herself at the entrance to the Whitlock home. With a soft knock she was granted access to the beautifully decorated home. Then she was escorted to the make shift ballroom. She stood in the doorway and glanced around the room. She froze when she saw him. He was sitting on a stool in the front of the room, his father's old rustic guitar draped across his lap. He was dressed in his military dress clothes. He hadn't seen her yet so she ducked into the crowd, making her way to the back of the room. She managed to grab a glass of cidar as she found her spot in the furthest back corner. She just stood there watching everyone as they danced gracefully around the room. Her mind started to conjure imagines of the past but she quickly squashed those thoughts before they cemented themselves in her brain. Then his voice carried over the crowd.
"This next song is dedicated to the woman I love. I know I hurt her with my petty arrogance. I broke promises and left her to deal with everything on her own. I hope one day she will forgive me. She's all i have thought about these past 4 years, the only thing that kept me going. She was my reason for fighting so hard to stay alive and return home. This is for you where ever you are right now. I'm so sorry and I love you."
As he began to strum the guitar the couples in the room seemed to cling alittle tighter and hold each other alittle closer then before. She couldn't believe her ears. He still loved her, or at least she hoped it was her he was speaking of. Then he began to sing.
I set out on the narrow way
many years ago
Hoping i would find true love
along the broken road.
But i got lost a time or two
wiped my brow but kept pushing through.
I couldn't see how every sign
lead me straight to you.
Every long lost dream
Lead me to where you are.
Others who broke my heart
They were like northern stars
pointing me on my way
into your loving arms.
This much i know is true,
That god blessed the broken road
that lead me straight to you.
yes it did.
I think about the years i spent
Just passing through.
I'd like to have the time i lost
and give it back to you.
But you just smile and take my hand
you've been there you understand.
It's all part of a grander plan
That is coming true.
Every long lost dream
lead me to where you are.
Others who broke my heart
they were like northern stars.
Pointing me on my way
into your loving arms.
This much i know is true.
That god blessed the broken road,
that lead me straight to you.
yeah....
Now i'm just a rolling home
into my lovers arms.
This much i know is true.
That god blessed the broken road,
that lead me straight to you....
That god blessed the broken road,
that lead me straight to you......
She could hear the tears in his voice as he finished singing. Everyone clapped as he put down the guitar and started making his way out of the room. she didn't know what came over her, but faster then she thought possible she was standing in the same spot he just left, holding his guitar. She started to sing and everyone stopped moving, including him.
It's two in the morning
I'll tell you why I'm awake.
There it goes that creepy feeling again,
Round in my head,
oh again here in my head.
Here in the darkness
Oh there's so many shades.
Shadows burn like faded flames
and die into the night.
oh and fly up so high....
He spun around quickly, his eyes locking with hers.
Oh...Are you a ghost? or are you alive?
would you be here for me? be here for me now?
Imagination? or are you for real?
Just give me a sign...and I'll know.
Cool wind is blowing.
Like fingers through hair.
Standing in an empty room alone
It feels like your there.
oh alone...I know that your there...
Are you a ghost? or are you alive?
Would you be here for me? be here for me now?
Imagination? or are you for real?
Just give me a sign....sign
I'll tell you what i know...
I'll tell you how i feel... (she closes her eyes)
Are you a ghost? or are you alive?
would you be here for me? be here for me now?
Imagination? or are you for real?
Just give me a sign... and i'll know.
Are you a ghost? or are you alive?
would you be here for me? be here for me now?
Imagination? or are you for real?
Just give me a sign....
As she finishes she can feel everyone's eyes on her. She opens hers only long enough to look down and replace the guitar to it's rightful place. The silence in the room was deafening. She never knew silence could be so loud. When she could finally take now more she hightailed it out the patio doors and into the yard. Looking around she found a place to go. The barn was highlighted in the christmas lights that adorned the house. She new in there she could find comfort and solitude. She wasn't sure what made her reply back to him in song. Maybe it was the easiest way for her to do it without breaking down. She made her way into one of the horses' stalls and sat on a hay bale that was up against the wall. The horse came to her as she sat down. She began stroking his nose without further thought.
She didn't know how long she was out there before she heard someone enter the barn. Who ever it was their boots were clunking on the wooden floors of the barn. The echo reminded her of his boots at the airport. She froze. she even stopped breathing. Please don't let it be him she thought...but at the same time she wanted it to be him. Ironic no? The one person who could help her heal the pain, is also the one who caused it. She sat listening to his breathing.
"Bella?" He called into the night air.
She didn't answer. She heard him fall to his knees. he began to cry, as he spoke to no one in particular.
"Why? Why was i so stupid? Why didn't I just keep my promises and come home to her. I could be holding her now, instead of holding on to just the memories. I miss her so much. I know she hates me right now..but god if your listening, please just this once could you answer me. What do i have to do to make this right? How do i make the one woman i have ever loved with my entire being believe that i'm sorry. that i made a mistake. I know i can't take it back. I know that sorry won't make everything go back to the way it was. I guess what i'm asking for here is just the chance to make it right. to show her how much i love her. how much i need her with me. to tell her how my heart aches when i can't hold her. God it hurts so bad..i feel like i'm dying inside. I would live through that hell i went through over there a thousand times if only i could have her back."
She wasn't sure if she should let him know that she was there. that she heard his prayer. She wanted to step up and let him do everything he had just said. Let him hold her and love her, show her that he was sorry for what he did and tell her how stupid he was for not just coming home like he promised. But could she take that chance again? could she risk it all only to lose it all again? Was it worth it?
He continued to cry for several minutes before she heard him stand. as he turned to leave he whispered:
"I guess i will never know will I? but thanks for listening anyway."
She heard his steps as he made is way to the door. She knew it was now or never. He had just made it to the door when she stood from where she was and walked into the main hallway.
"Jasper?"
He stopped.
"Jasper. I'm sorry I yelled at you in the airport. I was truly happy that you were home, but then everything came rushing back to me. I was angry with you for lying to me, for breaking your promise. And then i thought that maybe you had changed your mind while you were over there. That you didn't come home all those years because you no longer wanted me. I never stopped waiting for you."
"Bella?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm sorry too. I know i have alot more to be sorry for then you do, but if..." he couldn't finish his sentence.
"I understand Jasper."
He turned toward her finally meeting her eyes. they too were filled with tears. He turned completely and faced her. He slowly opened his arms to her. She hesitated for only a moment and then ran into his arms. He crushed her to his chest as tightly as he could.
"God Bella, i'm so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. I should have come home. i should have been here with you." he started sobbing into her hair.
"Ssshhh. It's okay Jasper. Your here now."
He looked into her eyes and saw that she was being sincere.
"How can you forgive me so easily?"
"Because i Love you too."
His lips crashed to hers. Their tear stained cheeks brushing against each other. They sunk to the floor together. Hands roaming each other like they were trying to memorize ever curve and groove of the others body. When she pulled back for air he continued to kiss every open piece of skin he could find.
"god i missed you." he whispered between kisses.
she moaned when he hit a sensitive spot along her neck. She reached for his shirt buttons, but he stopped her.
"Not here."
She nodded her understanding. If they continued that here they would both have anemonia in the morning. She stood taking his hand and pulling him up with her. She headed toward the back door of the barn. He tugged on her hand and raised a questioning brow when she looked back at him. She smiled and said.
"You'll see."
He followed without question. when they came to the little cottage, realization had dawned on him. She moved on to his family's land. She really had waited all this time for him.
As soon as they were in the door he had her pinned up against the back of it. kissing and nipping at her neck and chest. He began to undo the ties to her corsett. They really were a pain in the ass, but he succeeded in his task. Soon her dress was pooling on the floor at their feet and she was left in nothing but a pair for red lace panties. he groaned at the sight of her and began his attack once again with furver. Her hands made quick work of all the buttons on his Jacket. sliding it off his arms it joined her dress on the floor. It was soon followed by his shirt and belt.
"Bedroom?" he asked as he continued to kiss her.
"Down the hall to the right." she whispered as she nipped at his ear.
hoisting her up so she could wrap her legs around his hips, he made his way back the hall. his lips never leaving her skin for more then a millisecond. He place her on the bed and hovered over her. enjoying the look on her face as she was moaning out his name. He reached down and began stroking her through her panties.
"Jasper..."
"What Bella?"
"Don't tease me..It's been so long...I need to feel you. Please?" she begged.
he stood up only long enough to remove the last of his clothing. crawling slowly back up her body, his tongue traced his path and was causing her to wiggle.
"Stay still, or i'll stop." He said huskily.
She froze her movements and remained that way as he continued to work his way up her body. when he finally made it back to her lips, the kiss he gave her almost made her cum right then.
"Darlin', I'm gonna make ya cum so many times ya won't be able to walk straight for atleast two days. I have 4 years to make up for."
Her only response was to moan as his fingers dipped below the hem line of her panties. He slowly began to remove them. as he got them down past her hips he stopped.
"Bella?"
She froze. fuck she had forgotten about that. How was she gonna explain that to him?
"hhhmmm?"
"What is this?"
"What is what?"
"This. This right here?" he said running his fingertips across it causing her to giggle as it tickled.
"Oh you mean that."
"Yes that."
"Well it's a tattoo."
"I can see that. What i want to know is Why?"
"It was to keep you with me. Like your wings keep you."
"Bella..."
"It's okay Jasper."
He was stunned. there on her hip was a tiny replica of his wings. Along with his Intials inked between the them. She had branded herself for him. Anyone who would see that and knew about them would know that she belonged to him. he leaned in placing a kiss over the tiny wings. She moaned at the feel of his lips that close to her center. he finished removing her panties and then kissed his way back up her legs. When he came to her appex, he swiped his tongue along her folds. she raised her hips up toward his face, offering herself to him. Who was he to turn down that invite? he began licking and sucking her clit like a starving man who just crawled out of the desert. her moans and breathy pleas only pushed him harder. he wanted to watch her cum all over his face. To taste her like no other has. He slid to fingers in and started pumping in rhythm with is strokes. it wasn't long before she was leaking down his face and squirming about the bed. He licked her juices clean and began to kiss his way up her body as she continued to come down from her high. His kissed her with abandon, allowing her to taste herself on him. But that's not what she wanted. she flipped them quickly and began to slither down his body. her tongue leaving a cool moist trail from his neck to his cock. she blew slightly over the trail making him shiver. When she took his cock into her mouth he thought he had died and gone to heaven. None of the other women he had been with ever wanted to please him this way. this woman was a gift from god. He remembered his prayer in the barn, and whispered a quick thank you to the man upstairs. He soon felt his balls tighten. his release of immenant. But he didn't wanna spill into her mouth. No he wanted to fill her up inside with his essence.
"Bella baby stop."
She looked at him confused.
"I wanna be inside you when i cum for ya."
A smile spread across her face as she wiggled her way back up his body. When she was over straddle over his hips she sat up. He looked at her confused for a moment until she impaled herself on his throbbing cock. it was almost to much. He almost came right then. She must have saw it on his face cause as soon as he was fully engulfed in her she stopped. letting him relax. she raked her nails down his bare chest and across his nipples. he hissed at the painful pleasure. this was something else that she did that others didn't. it was always the same with them. Missionary or Doggie style. like they could pretend he was someone else if they didn't really have to look at him. After a few minutes she started moving up and down on his shaft. She would squeeze him with her muscles when she rose up but would release them when she came down. giving the feeling of being massaged. he loved it. he was chanting her name like a prayer to the gods. When she began bouncing on him he thought for sure he was gonna lose it. watching her tits bounce up and down and to watch her touch herself was his undoing.
"Bella baby i'm gonna cum Darlin'...tell me your close." he panted.
"God..yes...Baby...Jasper...so...close."
He took this time to reach up and start playing with her nipples. tweeking, twisting and tugging lightly on them. Her eyes were starting to roll back into her head. She started grinding on him even faster.
"Oh yes Jasper...just like that...almost there...."
"Close....cum with me baby..."
"OH...oh...oh..."
Her walls clenched down tight on him as he sat up and took her nipple into his mouth nipping it slightly with is teeth. She threw her head back screaming his name.
"Jassss...ppperrrr."
He grabed her hips to continue guiding her. Four thrusts later and she was going over the edge again as he released deep within her hot pussy. Her name fell from his lips like he was worshiping her.
"Bella."
They both collapsed back on the bed. her laying fully ontop of him with his cock still deep inside her. The waited till their breathing was back to normal before either spoke.
"I love you Bella."
"I love you too Jasper. Promise you'll never leave me again."
"I promise."
She leaned up and looked into his eyes. she saw his sincerety beaming brightly back at her. she moved to kiss him and her hips shifted making her grind against him. he was instantly hard again. With a smirk on her lips she began moving once more. He groaned.
"Bella.."
"Yes..."
She moved faster.
"God don't stop."
"I won't."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
They made love well into Christmas morning.
Songs were as follows:
Once Upon A December - Disney's Anistasia
God Blessed the Broken Road - Rascal Flatts
Are you a Ghost? -- B*Witched
Once Upon A December
Dancing Bears
Painted Wings
Things I almost remember
and a song someone sings
Once Upon A December.
Someone holds me
safe and warm
horses prance
through a silver storm
figures dancing gracefully
across my memory.
Someone holds me safe and warm
Horses prance
through a silver storm
figures dancing gracefully
across my memory.
Far way, Long ago
Glowing dim as an ember
things my heart used to know
Things it yearns to remember
and a song someone sings
Once Upon A December.
She was pacing around the seating area. back and forth, back and forth. stopping only long enough to glare at the clock mounted on the wall on the opposite side of the room. watching as the hours, minutes, seconds ticked by much to slowly. occassionally she would glance out the window; the snow still falling heavily. she wondered if the storm was causing a delay in his arrival.
with one more look at the clock she sighed as she flopped gracefully into one of the cold plastic chairs. Unconsciously her fingers began to twist and twirl the bracelet on her wrist, causing the charms to jingle. They shimmered and moved as if they were dancing, bringing her attention to it. Staring at it closely she remembered the night he gave it to her:
~Christmas Decemeber 25th 2005~
"Darlin' could ya come here a minute? I have something for ya." He called from somewhere in the house.
She made her way out of the crowed living room and into the small hallway. She saw him standing under the mistle toe with his hands behind his back. she stopped her movements when she was just inches from him. close enough that she could feel his breath on her skin.
"If this is another trick to get me to kiss you mister...you can just forget it." She told him.
She turned to walk away, but he reached out to stop her.
"Please..I swear it's no trick. I really do have a present for you."
When she turned to look at him with a curious expression, she noticed he was holding a small wrapped box in his hand.
"You didn't have to. I didn't get you anything." She told him while eyeing the box.
"It's okay. I just thought i would give you something to remember me by. I'm leaving to head back to school the day after tomorrow. I have work..."
"Your not staying for New Year's?" She questioned.
"I couldn't get that much time off from work. It's fine though. It'll give me a chance to get caught up on the paper I have due for one of my classes."
"Well then I guess you better hand it over then huh?"
He chuckled, but handed her the box. When she finally had all the paper off, she stared at it for a minuted before looking back at him with a what- the-fuck? expression.
"Just open it." he said while rolling his eyes.
She opened the small box to see a black satin pouch inside. removing the small bag she heard a tinkling sound..like small bells jingling. She handed him the box to hold as she opened the the bag, tipping it upside down to allow it's contents to slide out onto the palm of her hand. Her eyes lit up and a gasp slipped past her lips.
"It's beautiful." she sighed.
She Looked at the beautiful silver charm bracelet. It held several small charms that looked like tiny ballet dancers. When she looked closer she giggled as she saw that they were not ballet dancers but tiny dancing bears.
"May I?" he asked as he reached for the bracelet.
"Of course."
He gently took the bracelet and clasped it around her wrist. She lifted her arm, admiring it once more in the light. When she shook her hand slightly causing the charms to move, she saw that it looked as if they were in fact dancing.
"Thank you." she said, and quickly leaned forward kissing his cheek.
He stood there stunned as she walked away. He never expected that. after all they were just friends.
~Back to the Present~
The memory brough a smile to her face. she shook her hand once again watching the little silver bears dance once again. she would never forget the look on his face after she kissed his cheek that night.
They had kept in contact by calling, texting and email. Every once in a while the stars would a line just right and allow them the chance to video chat. Their relationship was budding into something more after that night so many years ago. It wasn't until two years later that she got to see him face to face again.
~Christmas Eve December 24th 2007~
Once again it was time for his parents to hold their annual Yule tide Ball. His family held this tradition for generations; dating as far back as the Civil War. They even kept the attire era specific; poofy ball gowns with rib crushing corsetts and silly bonnets, to Men wearing tailored suits that had coat tails and shiny uncomfortable shoes.
She was speaking with his brother, when he snuck up behind her placing his hands over her eyes. He whispered in her ear:
"Guess who?"
"Um...Ed McMann?"
"I'm not that old!"
"Ok...Ok...uh..One of Santa's elves?"
"Nope" he said popping the "P". " but I do come bearing a gift.
She gasped. spinning so quickly she almost knocked them both down.
"Oh my god! Your here! I can't believe it!" she screamed. Hugging him to her.
"I'm glad to see ya too Darlin'."
"How long are you home for? Have you seen everyone? when did you get in? didn't you say you have something for me?" she asked so quickly he couldn't get a word in edge wise.
"Whoa Darlin'. Let's start from the beginning. I'm home till after the New Year. No I haven't had the chance to see everyone yet, I came straight her looking for you. I got in a few hours ago, and Yes i have something for ya. Now i think that was all of them." He laughed.
"So what is it you have for me?" She asked as she looked at him with wide child like eyes. How could he resist that?
"This" he said pulling her to him. His lips locked with hers. The kiss was nothing like the one they shared two years prior. This kiss was full of want and passion. When he pulled away she stood there like a deer caught in the headlights; much like he had done when she kissed him. Their eyes locked for a moment in a silent exchange. But soon the moment was broken when his mother called for him. He excused himself and walked away.
The night progressed with passing glances, brushing fingers, and silent stares from across the room. Every now and then they would get the chance to dance together before someone would cut in and they'd be swept away form one another once again. By the end of the night they both seemed to have given up, and went their seperate ways.
New Year's eve was the next time they got to be together. This time before anyone had the chance to seperate them, they left the party. Heading back to the hotel room he had rented for his two week stay. As soon as they were inside he started.
"Sorry we haven't had much time to talk." He said as he closed the door behind them.
"It's alright. I understand...there's a whole lot of them and only one of you." she said refering to their friends.
"Yeah I guess your right."
"So what is it you wanted to talk about?" She asked nervously.
"Us."
"What about us?"
"This thing between us."
"Oh and what would that be?"
"Okay I'm just gonna lay it all out on the table then. I know we started out as friends and have been for a very long time. But ever since we started really talking two years ago, your all I ever think about. I'm positive I'm falling in love with ya."
She stood there stunned. For a moment she was unsure how to answer that, or if she even heard him correctly. She knew she felt the same way...but she had never thought..not in a million years, he could feel the same. Her silence must have unsettled him as he spoke.
"I'll understand if ya don't feel the same way. I just couldn't leave again without telling ya how I feel about ya." he stuttered.
"What?..No! Shit....Sorry. It's not like that at all. I fell the same way. I just never thought you would ever..."
He cut her off by capturing her lips with his. The kiss was slow and full of passion and longing. When they broke apart both were panting and gasping for breath.
"Wow" She whispered.
"Yeah." was his reply.
It wasn't their first kiss, but it felt like it was. Now that their feelings for each other were known, it was like everything changed.
"So...um. Where do we go from here?" She asked looking anywhere but at his eyes.
He lifted her chin with his fingers, bringing her eyes to meet his.
"We take it one day at a time."
Then he was kissing her again. His tongue caressed her lower lip begging for entrance, to which seh willing gave. as the kiss intensified , so did the lust. she could practically feel it rolling off of him, as she was sure he could feel hers. Grabbing his shirt, she began walking backwards, bringing him with her. Once she felt the back of her knees hit the mattress of the bed she spun them around knocking him off his feet and onto the bed. She crawled up his body, only stopping once she was straddling his waist. She started kissing and sucking on his neck. the moans leaving his lips spurred her on, so when she ground her already dripping center onto his pant covered erection he froze. She stopped what she was doing to look into his eyes.
"What is it? Did i do something wrong?" She asked.
"No it wasn't you. I have to tell you something before we go any farther."
"Okay.." She said hesitantly.
"When I said I was leaving the day after tomorrow, I'm not heading back for school."
"Your not?"
"No."
"Then why are you leaving?"
"I leave for basic training. I enlisted."
"OH. How long will you be gone?"
"6 weeks."
"And after that?"
"18 months over seas."
"So..What does that mean for us?" she said sitting up.
"I was hoping ya'd wait for me..." he said in a whisper.
"Wait so you still wanna be with me even though your leaving?"
"Yes. Very much so. I told ya I was fallin for ya. I promise to come home as often as I can. We can still write and talk on the phone when I'm able. That's if ya want to?"
Suddenly her lips were on his. When she pulled back for air she told him.
"I very much want to. I'll wait for you. I have waited this long for you..what's a few more months?"
The smile that broke across his face could have lit up an entire city. Then he flipped them so he was on top, as he crashed his lips to hers. grinding into her like she was previously doing to him. The only sounds in the room were their moans and heavy breathing. She reached to unbutton his shirt. slipping it from his shoulders with ease. He then removed hers. it was when she reached to undo the button on his pants that he froze once again. This time he looked into her eyes.
"Are you sure?"
"More then anything."
It's not like they were teenagers or virgins for that matter. both had had their share of first loves and broken hearts.
Soon their clothing littered the floor. He took a moment to gaze upon her naked form below him. He saw nothing but perfection. He slowly slid into her causing them both to moan. she felt whole when he was finally fully sheathed inside her already pulsing core. He began pulling back out at a torturously slow rate, forcing her to wrap her legs around him and dig her heels into his ass as she pushed him back in. they finally settled into a steady rhythm. Matching each other thrust for thrust. he began to nip and suck on her exposed skin, making her whole body tremble. when he sucked one of her nipples into his mouth she moaned louder. She could feel she was close. her walls clenching tighter and tighter, making it so she felt every inch and ridge of his cock as he pulled in and out of her.
"Please..." She whimpered."So. Close. Please."
He wasn't one to make a lady beg so he picked up his pace. Leaning back some he brought his fingers to her clit and began massaging it. She moaned and thrust upward neeting his downward stroke.
"That's it Darlin', cum all over my cock."
And she did. Screaming his name. he once again started pumping faster and harder, extending her orgasm. she felt his body begin to shake. it wouldn't be much longer. She ran her hands down his back, scrapping her nails along the way.
"Cum for me...please. I wanna feel you explode inside me." She called to him.
She watched as his eyes brightened just before they rolled into the back of his head. His body shook then stiffened as she felt him release deep within her. Deciding to return the favor, she began thrusting and grinding against him. Milking him for every last drop he could give her. when he collapsed on top of her she ran her hands down his back, causing his body to shudder and a moan to leave his lips.
It was then in the dim lights of the room that she saw the two glorious angel wings tattoed on his back. She didn't say anthing to him about them, but began to trace the shimmering pattern. Once he came back to himself, he rolled to the side pulling her into his side.
"Darlin' that was...Well there's just no words."
"I agree." She said as she curled into him and began to lightly rub her fingertips across his chest in the same pattern as the wings on his back. It wasn't long before she started dozing off in his arms. Just as she was almost out she swore she heard him singing quietly.
I set out on a narrow way
many years ago.
Hoping i would find true love
Along the broken road.
But i got lost a time or two
wiped my brow but kept pushing through.
I couldn't see how every sign
Lead me straight to you.
Every long lot dream
Lead me to where you are.
Others have broke my heart
They were like northern stars
pointing me on my way
Into your loving arms.
This much I know is true.
That god blessed the broken road
That lead me straight to you.
~Present~
She hadn't realized she was crying until a young girl asked her.
"Ma'am are you okay?"
"yes, yes. I'm fine. Just remembering the past."
"Oh. was it sad? and is that what made you cry?" the girl asked handing her a tissue from her pocket.
It was then she took a good look at the girl. She was almost an exact replica of her best friend. Only much smaller.
"NO. It was a happy memory. I just haven't thought about it in a long time."
"Oh...Okay." The child smiled. "Do you remember anything else? maybe it will make the time go faster?"
"I'll try."
She thought for a time before a memory came to mind.
"Would you like to hear it?"
"Oh please. Is it a happy memory?" The girl asked.
"Yes and no."
"Is it romantic?" she asked batting her lashes dramatically.
She giggled at the girls antics, but replied. "I guess so, but it's sad also."
"Why's it sad?"
"The person in the memory was leaving."
"Yes i guess that would be sad."
"Would you like me to start?"
"Yes, yes, yes!" she chanted happily.
"Okay. It was New Year's Day 2006..."
~Memory~
I woke to find the bed empty. He had woken up before me. I looked around the room for him but he was nowhere to be seen. Then i heard the shower running in the next room. I got up from the bed and slipped my robe on. Walking into the front room I called room service and ordered us breakfast. As i finished the call I heard the water shut off. I waited a few minutes before entering the bedroom. His back was to me and i had a perfect view of the beautiful angel wings that were painted forever on his shoulders and back. When i sighed, he heard, and turned toward me.
"I see ya've noticed my wings." he drawled.
"There Beautiful." I told him. "Is there a story behind them?"
"Yes. It symbolizes that no matter where I am or where I go, I will always have an angel watchin my back."
"Beautiful." I said again.
"Yeah i guess it is." he said.
"Did you use all the hot water?" i asked to ease the tension that suddenly seemed to be there.
"Nope...saved ya just a little, so shower fast. We have somewhere to be."
"OH...Well breakfast is on it's way up."
"I'll get it."
When i went and got my shower. after i finished i dressed and made my way to the little table in the other room to eat my breakfast. We put the tray outside the door, and got ready to leave. He helped me put my coat on and we headed outside. When we stepped out it was snowing. He said it was perfect for what he had planned. When we turned to head toward the street, i saw it. there standing in the drive was a horse drawn carriage. The white horses blended perfectly with the snow. He helped me into the carriage and then wrapped his arms around me. we covered with the blanket that was supplied. The driver then flicked the reigns and the horse took off, kicking up the snow as they moved.
We came to a stop just inside the town square. I looked at him with a questioning eye, and he just smirked. He stepped down off the carriage before turning and holding out his hand to help me down. Once i was firmly on the ground he laced my arm through his and started us toward the Ice skating rink that was set up. We stopped for a hot chocolate before standing on the edge of the ice to watch the skaters. When i shivered he wrapped his arms around me to keep me warm. I felt safe in his arms. We watched as the couples skated around in a graceful dance. It could be more perfect.
Minutes or hours could have passed until he finally broke the silence.
"Did ya really mean it when ya said ya'd wait for me?"
I turned in his arms to look at him.
"Of course I meant it."
"I'm sorry it took me so long to tell ya how i felt. It just was never the right time. I didn't wanna tell in a text or in a email. over the phone didn't feel right either. It had to be face to face. I'm just sorry i don't have longer to stay with you."
"I understand. Don't worry, I'll be here wehn you get back." I said said touching his cheek with my fingertips.
He kissed my lips briefly, before i turned back to watch the skaters.
~End memory~
"He left the following morning."
"Did he come back like he said?" she asked.
"Yes he did. The first time. After is six weeks of basic training he came home for three days. We spent every minute together."
"That's so sweet."
"It was."
"Was?"
"He was only supposed to be gone for 18 months."
"That's a long time."
"It is."
"What happened? Didn't he come home?"
"No he didn't. We got a letter from him about two weeks before he was scheduled to come home. He told us that he was promoted and he was being transfered into another unit. He had to re-train with this new unit and then go out on patrols with them. He wouldn't be home for 12 more months."
"That sucks. Did he at least write?"
"He did for a while. Then the letters became fewer and further inbetween."
"Did he come home then?"
"So sweetie he didn't. After his 12 months were up we waited to hear from him. we waited for the call or letter that told us when he was coming home but it never arrived."
"What happened? Why didn't he come home?"
"We got a call from the staff sergant for his unit. He never came back from a patrol and was reported Missing."
"Oh my. Was he okay?"
"It took them 6 months to find him and bring him back."
"But he was okay right?"
"We got a call from a hospital in France. The took him there for surgery. Both his legs were broken, and they had to repair some nerve damage in his arm. The doctor told us he wouldn't be able to travel for a while. He was over there for another 8 months."
"So where is he now?"
"He's coming home. That's why I'm here."
"So how long has it been since you saw him last?"
"4 very long years."
"And you still waited? you kept your promise?"
"Yes i did. I told him i would."
Flight 713 from Virginia now arriving at gate 12.
"That's him." she said standing.
When she turned around to thank the little girl for keeping her company she was nowhere to be seen. she looked around the room only to find it empty. shaking off the strange feeling she was getting, she started to turn toward the gate when she heard her name.
"Bella"
She Froze. That was a voice she hadn't heard in 4 long years.
"Jasper?"
As much as she wanted to turn around and see him, she couldn't bring herself to do it. What if he wasn't really there? What she made him up like the little girl?
"Is it really you?" She whispered.
"Bella Darlin'?"
She could hear him step closer. Her heart pounding faster with each echo of his boots.
"Please don't be my Imagination." She said as the tears began to fall.
His footsteps stopped. No...she thought. It was just a dream.
"Darlin' look at me." his voiced pleaded.
She wasn't sure when she closed her eyes but she refused to open them, refused to return to reality where he was still gone. seh shook her head.
"NO. If i open my eyes I'll still be sitting in this lowsy airport alone, and you'll still be gone."
She felt when he wrapped his arms around her. She felt the heat radiate off his body as he pulled her into his chest. His smell invaded her senses: Leather, hay and now gunpowder and bleach. She clung tightly to him. If this was a dream she never wanted to wake up. She felt his breath onher neck before she heard his voice again whispering in her ear.
"I'm really here Darlin'. Your not alone anymore. Please open your eyes. Let me see ya. I haven't seen ya beautiful eyes in so long. I missed ya."
She didn't know where it came from, but suddenly she swelled with anger. Before she could stop it the words spilled from her mouth.
"And why is that?" Her eyes snapped open when his hands fell from her sides, and he stepped back.
"Darlin'?"
"Answer me! Why is it that you haven't seen my eyes in so long...Why is it that you missed me?"
"I'm sorry Bella."
"Sorry doesn't make it better Jasper."
"I don't know what you want me to say here."
"I want to know why it's been 4 years? 4 years Jasper. 4 very long, lonely and scary years. First your promotion, then you go missing, then your hospitalized. This is not what you promised me Jasper."
"I'm so so sorry Bella."
"Yeah well I don't wanna hear it Jasper. Tell your mother how sorry you are. Maybe she'll forgive you cause right now I can't."
She started walking toward the doors, she was almost there when she realized he hadn't followed. She turned back to him.
"Well come on. Let's go. It's getting colder, the snows getting higher and it's already a long enough ride."
"Ride?" he asked.
"Yes, the horses are tied up in the parking garage. The roads are closed to vehicles because of the heavy snow. I didn't think you'd want to stay in the airport overnight did you?"
"No. Thank you."
"Your welcome. Now let's go."
He followed her out to where she had the horses. Once he was close enough he saw they were his mothers prized stallions. He walked to the one that she wasn't standing near. he watched as she pulled a warm riding jacket and gloves from the saddlebag.
She watched him from the corner of her eye as he strapped his duffle to the other horse before he mounted it.
"You do remember how to do this right?"
"Yeah. I remember." She thought she saw a flicker of hurt in his eyes.
It brought back a memory of their first time together. Shaking it off she pushed her heel gently into the horses' side to get him going. The horse took off at a steady trot. She could feel his eyes watching her as she rode ahead of him. Even though she was angry with him she still loved him. Yes loved.
They were about half a mile from his mother's home when she turned to him.
"Race ya?"
The expression on his face made her laugh.
"Come on. I bet you I'll win. ready. set. go!"
She took off. It took him a moment to realize she wasn't joking. He pushed the horse to go faster but she already had a good lead on him. The soft snow flying up around them in a beautiful storm of tiny silver flakes.
When she reached the barn she stopped. Noticing she won, she had the horse Prance around in a victory dance. Kicking up snow so it made it look like they were standing in a snowglobe. She stopped just in time to see him bring the other horse to a stop. The snow was still swirling around them. She slowly hopped down off her horse and lead him into the barn. After she got the horse settled back into his stall she turned toward him.
"I'm sure you know the way to your house from here. I'm heading home. Goodnight Jasper." she said as she turned and left.
It's been 3 days.
3 days since he came home
3 days since she lashed out at him.
3 days since she left her home.
I know 3 doesn't seem like a signifigant number in the grand scheme of things, not in comparison to other numbers like: 1,460. That's the number of days he was gone. 208, the number of weeks, or 48; the number of months since he left. Then there's the less impressive number 4. The total number of years he never came home.
Sure it's only one number above 3, but to her it was the number that shook her to her very core. So 3 shouldn't be all that bad right? Wrong! 3 days of going over and over everything that happened 3 days ago was horrifying. She had been anticipating his arrival, yearning for it. After all she waited for him like she promised. She even moved into the cottage at the back of his mother's ranch. She spent every waking hour with his family and their friends, people who would constantly keep reminding her of his feeling for her. "Distance makes the heart grow fonder" they'd say. She was really beginning to hate that saying.
But her anticipation was short lived. Soon as she heard him it turned to dread. What if after 4 years he no longer felt that way about her? What if he changed over there? What if he no longer wanted to be with her? did she wait in vein?
With the memories of their past haunting her now, it made everything feel more dreamlike. When he came home she thought their reunion would be more climatic. They would see each other and then run to meet in the middle. he would drop his bag just fast enough to catch her as she wrapped herself around him. He would kiss her with a fiery passion that would make the sun pale in comparison. But that didn't happen. Instead she hid from him. She cried when she thought about him being a dream. When he held her it was more like a friend comforting another.
Then she yelled at him. When he said he missed her it all came rushing back. The embers of fading memories burst into flames. Igniting her anger at the way he abandoned her, anger at his lies and broken promises. She couldn't dare to get her hopes up. She wouldn't. It's not like in the past where he would come looking for her the second he arrived home. If he still felt about her they way he used to he would have found her by now. Perhaps it was better this way. Letting her hopes die out into smoldering embers, with the memories of the love they once shared. Maybe they left it there in the past? In the hotel room or at the Ice skating rink. Just maybe that's where she should let it stay. It was time to move on. But then there was that flicker of hurt in his eyes when she asked him if he remembered...maybe he too was remember the promises he broke? No, she wouldn't go down this road. It was time to start again and the first step was to say goodbye.
It was Christmas Eve. She was dressing for the annual Yule Tide Ball. Her crushing corsett top red ball gown fit snugly over her figure. She had braided the few strands of hair on either side of her face and laced them with green and silver ribbons before tying them back to form a crown around her head. The rest of her hair was left to flow in the natural curls down her back. It took but minutes before she found herself at the entrance to the Whitlock home. With a soft knock she was granted access to the beautifully decorated home. Then she was escorted to the make shift ballroom. She stood in the doorway and glanced around the room. She froze when she saw him. He was sitting on a stool in the front of the room, his father's old rustic guitar draped across his lap. He was dressed in his military dress clothes. He hadn't seen her yet so she ducked into the crowd, making her way to the back of the room. She managed to grab a glass of cidar as she found her spot in the furthest back corner. She just stood there watching everyone as they danced gracefully around the room. Her mind started to conjure imagines of the past but she quickly squashed those thoughts before they cemented themselves in her brain. Then his voice carried over the crowd.
"This next song is dedicated to the woman I love. I know I hurt her with my petty arrogance. I broke promises and left her to deal with everything on her own. I hope one day she will forgive me. She's all i have thought about these past 4 years, the only thing that kept me going. She was my reason for fighting so hard to stay alive and return home. This is for you where ever you are right now. I'm so sorry and I love you."
As he began to strum the guitar the couples in the room seemed to cling alittle tighter and hold each other alittle closer then before. She couldn't believe her ears. He still loved her, or at least she hoped it was her he was speaking of. Then he began to sing.
I set out on the narrow way
many years ago
Hoping i would find true love
along the broken road.
But i got lost a time or two
wiped my brow but kept pushing through.
I couldn't see how every sign
lead me straight to you.
Every long lost dream
Lead me to where you are.
Others who broke my heart
They were like northern stars
pointing me on my way
into your loving arms.
This much i know is true,
That god blessed the broken road
that lead me straight to you.
yes it did.
I think about the years i spent
Just passing through.
I'd like to have the time i lost
and give it back to you.
But you just smile and take my hand
you've been there you understand.
It's all part of a grander plan
That is coming true.
Every long lost dream
lead me to where you are.
Others who broke my heart
they were like northern stars.
Pointing me on my way
into your loving arms.
This much i know is true.
That god blessed the broken road,
that lead me straight to you.
yeah....
Now i'm just a rolling home
into my lovers arms.
This much i know is true.
That god blessed the broken road,
that lead me straight to you....
That god blessed the broken road,
that lead me straight to you......
She could hear the tears in his voice as he finished singing. Everyone clapped as he put down the guitar and started making his way out of the room. she didn't know what came over her, but faster then she thought possible she was standing in the same spot he just left, holding his guitar. She started to sing and everyone stopped moving, including him.
It's two in the morning
I'll tell you why I'm awake.
There it goes that creepy feeling again,
Round in my head,
oh again here in my head.
Here in the darkness
Oh there's so many shades.
Shadows burn like faded flames
and die into the night.
oh and fly up so high....
He spun around quickly, his eyes locking with hers.
Oh...Are you a ghost? or are you alive?
would you be here for me? be here for me now?
Imagination? or are you for real?
Just give me a sign...and I'll know.
Cool wind is blowing.
Like fingers through hair.
Standing in an empty room alone
It feels like your there.
oh alone...I know that your there...
Are you a ghost? or are you alive?
Would you be here for me? be here for me now?
Imagination? or are you for real?
Just give me a sign....sign
I'll tell you what i know...
I'll tell you how i feel... (she closes her eyes)
Are you a ghost? or are you alive?
would you be here for me? be here for me now?
Imagination? or are you for real?
Just give me a sign... and i'll know.
Are you a ghost? or are you alive?
would you be here for me? be here for me now?
Imagination? or are you for real?
Just give me a sign....
As she finishes she can feel everyone's eyes on her. She opens hers only long enough to look down and replace the guitar to it's rightful place. The silence in the room was deafening. She never knew silence could be so loud. When she could finally take now more she hightailed it out the patio doors and into the yard. Looking around she found a place to go. The barn was highlighted in the christmas lights that adorned the house. She new in there she could find comfort and solitude. She wasn't sure what made her reply back to him in song. Maybe it was the easiest way for her to do it without breaking down. She made her way into one of the horses' stalls and sat on a hay bale that was up against the wall. The horse came to her as she sat down. She began stroking his nose without further thought.
She didn't know how long she was out there before she heard someone enter the barn. Who ever it was their boots were clunking on the wooden floors of the barn. The echo reminded her of his boots at the airport. She froze. she even stopped breathing. Please don't let it be him she thought...but at the same time she wanted it to be him. Ironic no? The one person who could help her heal the pain, is also the one who caused it. She sat listening to his breathing.
"Bella?" He called into the night air.
She didn't answer. She heard him fall to his knees. he began to cry, as he spoke to no one in particular.
"Why? Why was i so stupid? Why didn't I just keep my promises and come home to her. I could be holding her now, instead of holding on to just the memories. I miss her so much. I know she hates me right now..but god if your listening, please just this once could you answer me. What do i have to do to make this right? How do i make the one woman i have ever loved with my entire being believe that i'm sorry. that i made a mistake. I know i can't take it back. I know that sorry won't make everything go back to the way it was. I guess what i'm asking for here is just the chance to make it right. to show her how much i love her. how much i need her with me. to tell her how my heart aches when i can't hold her. God it hurts so bad..i feel like i'm dying inside. I would live through that hell i went through over there a thousand times if only i could have her back."
She wasn't sure if she should let him know that she was there. that she heard his prayer. She wanted to step up and let him do everything he had just said. Let him hold her and love her, show her that he was sorry for what he did and tell her how stupid he was for not just coming home like he promised. But could she take that chance again? could she risk it all only to lose it all again? Was it worth it?
He continued to cry for several minutes before she heard him stand. as he turned to leave he whispered:
"I guess i will never know will I? but thanks for listening anyway."
She heard his steps as he made is way to the door. She knew it was now or never. He had just made it to the door when she stood from where she was and walked into the main hallway.
"Jasper?"
He stopped.
"Jasper. I'm sorry I yelled at you in the airport. I was truly happy that you were home, but then everything came rushing back to me. I was angry with you for lying to me, for breaking your promise. And then i thought that maybe you had changed your mind while you were over there. That you didn't come home all those years because you no longer wanted me. I never stopped waiting for you."
"Bella?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm sorry too. I know i have alot more to be sorry for then you do, but if..." he couldn't finish his sentence.
"I understand Jasper."
He turned toward her finally meeting her eyes. they too were filled with tears. He turned completely and faced her. He slowly opened his arms to her. She hesitated for only a moment and then ran into his arms. He crushed her to his chest as tightly as he could.
"God Bella, i'm so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. I should have come home. i should have been here with you." he started sobbing into her hair.
"Ssshhh. It's okay Jasper. Your here now."
He looked into her eyes and saw that she was being sincere.
"How can you forgive me so easily?"
"Because i Love you too."
His lips crashed to hers. Their tear stained cheeks brushing against each other. They sunk to the floor together. Hands roaming each other like they were trying to memorize ever curve and groove of the others body. When she pulled back for air he continued to kiss every open piece of skin he could find.
"god i missed you." he whispered between kisses.
she moaned when he hit a sensitive spot along her neck. She reached for his shirt buttons, but he stopped her.
"Not here."
She nodded her understanding. If they continued that here they would both have anemonia in the morning. She stood taking his hand and pulling him up with her. She headed toward the back door of the barn. He tugged on her hand and raised a questioning brow when she looked back at him. She smiled and said.
"You'll see."
He followed without question. when they came to the little cottage, realization had dawned on him. She moved on to his family's land. She really had waited all this time for him.
As soon as they were in the door he had her pinned up against the back of it. kissing and nipping at her neck and chest. He began to undo the ties to her corsett. They really were a pain in the ass, but he succeeded in his task. Soon her dress was pooling on the floor at their feet and she was left in nothing but a pair for red lace panties. he groaned at the sight of her and began his attack once again with furver. Her hands made quick work of all the buttons on his Jacket. sliding it off his arms it joined her dress on the floor. It was soon followed by his shirt and belt.
"Bedroom?" he asked as he continued to kiss her.
"Down the hall to the right." she whispered as she nipped at his ear.
hoisting her up so she could wrap her legs around his hips, he made his way back the hall. his lips never leaving her skin for more then a millisecond. He place her on the bed and hovered over her. enjoying the look on her face as she was moaning out his name. He reached down and began stroking her through her panties.
"Jasper..."
"What Bella?"
"Don't tease me..It's been so long...I need to feel you. Please?" she begged.
he stood up only long enough to remove the last of his clothing. crawling slowly back up her body, his tongue traced his path and was causing her to wiggle.
"Stay still, or i'll stop." He said huskily.
She froze her movements and remained that way as he continued to work his way up her body. when he finally made it back to her lips, the kiss he gave her almost made her cum right then.
"Darlin', I'm gonna make ya cum so many times ya won't be able to walk straight for atleast two days. I have 4 years to make up for."
Her only response was to moan as his fingers dipped below the hem line of her panties. He slowly began to remove them. as he got them down past her hips he stopped.
"Bella?"
She froze. fuck she had forgotten about that. How was she gonna explain that to him?
"hhhmmm?"
"What is this?"
"What is what?"
"This. This right here?" he said running his fingertips across it causing her to giggle as it tickled.
"Oh you mean that."
"Yes that."
"Well it's a tattoo."
"I can see that. What i want to know is Why?"
"It was to keep you with me. Like your wings keep you."
"Bella..."
"It's okay Jasper."
He was stunned. there on her hip was a tiny replica of his wings. Along with his Intials inked between the them. She had branded herself for him. Anyone who would see that and knew about them would know that she belonged to him. he leaned in placing a kiss over the tiny wings. She moaned at the feel of his lips that close to her center. he finished removing her panties and then kissed his way back up her legs. When he came to her appex, he swiped his tongue along her folds. she raised her hips up toward his face, offering herself to him. Who was he to turn down that invite? he began licking and sucking her clit like a starving man who just crawled out of the desert. her moans and breathy pleas only pushed him harder. he wanted to watch her cum all over his face. To taste her like no other has. He slid to fingers in and started pumping in rhythm with is strokes. it wasn't long before she was leaking down his face and squirming about the bed. He licked her juices clean and began to kiss his way up her body as she continued to come down from her high. His kissed her with abandon, allowing her to taste herself on him. But that's not what she wanted. she flipped them quickly and began to slither down his body. her tongue leaving a cool moist trail from his neck to his cock. she blew slightly over the trail making him shiver. When she took his cock into her mouth he thought he had died and gone to heaven. None of the other women he had been with ever wanted to please him this way. this woman was a gift from god. He remembered his prayer in the barn, and whispered a quick thank you to the man upstairs. He soon felt his balls tighten. his release of immenant. But he didn't wanna spill into her mouth. No he wanted to fill her up inside with his essence.
"Bella baby stop."
She looked at him confused.
"I wanna be inside you when i cum for ya."
A smile spread across her face as she wiggled her way back up his body. When she was over straddle over his hips she sat up. He looked at her confused for a moment until she impaled herself on his throbbing cock. it was almost to much. He almost came right then. She must have saw it on his face cause as soon as he was fully engulfed in her she stopped. letting him relax. she raked her nails down his bare chest and across his nipples. he hissed at the painful pleasure. this was something else that she did that others didn't. it was always the same with them. Missionary or Doggie style. like they could pretend he was someone else if they didn't really have to look at him. After a few minutes she started moving up and down on his shaft. She would squeeze him with her muscles when she rose up but would release them when she came down. giving the feeling of being massaged. he loved it. he was chanting her name like a prayer to the gods. When she began bouncing on him he thought for sure he was gonna lose it. watching her tits bounce up and down and to watch her touch herself was his undoing.
"Bella baby i'm gonna cum Darlin'...tell me your close." he panted.
"God..yes...Baby...Jasper...so...close."
He took this time to reach up and start playing with her nipples. tweeking, twisting and tugging lightly on them. Her eyes were starting to roll back into her head. She started grinding on him even faster.
"Oh yes Jasper...just like that...almost there...."
"Close....cum with me baby..."
"OH...oh...oh..."
Her walls clenched down tight on him as he sat up and took her nipple into his mouth nipping it slightly with is teeth. She threw her head back screaming his name.
"Jassss...ppperrrr."
He grabed her hips to continue guiding her. Four thrusts later and she was going over the edge again as he released deep within her hot pussy. Her name fell from his lips like he was worshiping her.
"Bella."
They both collapsed back on the bed. her laying fully ontop of him with his cock still deep inside her. The waited till their breathing was back to normal before either spoke.
"I love you Bella."
"I love you too Jasper. Promise you'll never leave me again."
"I promise."
She leaned up and looked into his eyes. she saw his sincerety beaming brightly back at her. she moved to kiss him and her hips shifted making her grind against him. he was instantly hard again. With a smirk on her lips she began moving once more. He groaned.
"Bella.."
"Yes..."
She moved faster.
"God don't stop."
"I won't."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
They made love well into Christmas morning.
Songs were as follows:
Once Upon A December - Disney's Anistasia
God Blessed the Broken Road - Rascal Flatts
Are you a Ghost? -- B*Witched