Life With An English Noble
By: Wizardtho
Chapter 11:
...BPOV...
When I woke the next morning, it was to an empty bed and moans. I rubbed my blurry eyes to find my mate with Dom in the sitting area of the bedroom. Both were clearly deep into it, their moans and growls indicating both were quite close to release. That was the third time since we had invited Dom into our bed last night that one of them had taken the other, yet they wouldn't take me together, even after they both told me they wanted it.
I was crushed, my heart clenching painfully in my chest, but they didn't even seem to notice me when I grabbed Caleb's tee from last night, throwing it on as I dashed from the room. They still didn't seem to notice me as I slammed the door to the studio, then started slashing at the painting of the three of us with a palette knife. I felt so hurt… so betrayed. I screamed, thrashing as I tried to take my frustrations out, so I didn't even feel it when I gouged a deep cut into my palm with the knife.
I only realised I was bleeding when Dom and Caleb both rushed into the room, surrounding my flailing form as Caleb growled deeply, “Stop it, Isabella. You're hurting yourself. You're bleeding, and you need to stop so that I can tend to you.”
I thrashed even harder, screaming, “Tend to me?! Fuck you! You couldn't do the one thing I wanted most last night... the one thing I was practically dying inside for... then I hear you both this morning. I saw you... the desire between you without me being a part of things. The one thing you promised me, Caleb! You fucking broke it, which was bad enough... but to wake up to that? Even with all of your super senses, neither of you came to me until I started bleeding, yet now you want to tend to me?! Let me go, both of you! I don't want either one of you anywhere near me, so Let. Me. Go!”
They both let me go with a whimper, so I stopped flailing around, angrily wiping at my face. I could feel myself shutting down again, just like with them, so I said in a monotone voice without looking at Caleb, “So much for all your promises to never hurt me. You just did what they never could... you crushed me.”
I wrapped my arms tightly around my ribs, then made my way downstairs. I went into the master bedroom, making sure not to look toward the sitting area, then stripped down as soon as I reached the bathroom.
I cried for quite a bit on the floor of the shower, then finally started washing up when I noticed that the water had been running cold for a while. When I got out, I wrapped the towel around me, numbly bandaged my palm, then rubbed my good hand over my heart.
Along with the emotional pain, there was a physical ache settling deep into my heart that made me want to cry even more. I ignored it as well as the pull, yanked on a t-shirt and pair of yoga pants, then slipped into my beachcombers.
I walked out to the outdoor chaise near the pool, without even caring that I hadn't brushed my hair, then curled up into a ball before closing my eyes. The ache and pull were getting stronger, but there was no way I could go to Caleb after what happened. Silent tears fell down my cheeks as I tightened my arms around my legs. I was trying to hold myself together, like last time, but it wasn't working.
The ache turned to a gasping pain as the day slipped by me.
Neither Caleb or Dom spoke to me, though I could see the pain etched on both of their features as they sat on the other side of the living room french doors from me, Caleb with his forehead and palms both pressed the glass, while Dom looked completely lost. When I finally got up to come back inside, I could see the hope in their eyes, but couldn't go to them even though the pain in my chest was becoming unbearable.
I completely bypassed them, going inside through the french doors in the master bedroom, then curled up as tightly as I could on the bed. I was so tired... completely exhausted... I just wanted to sleep everything away.
My sleep was fitful. All my dreams were nightmares, but my exhaustion led me to repeatedly fall right back into another nightmare as soon as I woke screaming. It only got worse when I jolted awake to the tingle as Caleb cupped my cheek.
I scrambled away from him as I curled myself up against the headboard, tears pouring down my face rapidly, but Dom whispered from the other side of the bed, “He's only trying to lessen the pain you are both in, Isa. You're hurting your bond by not letting him help you.”
My eyes snapped to his as I growled deeply, “I'm not the one who did this... you two are. I'm not doing anything, except trying to keep what little there is left of me alive.”
I choked on my words, but continued anyway. “What you two did... it did more than just hurt me. I can feel myself reliving everything I tried so hard to get over. All the feelings of worthlessness... all the pain. So much pain. Did you know he promised me... swore that nothing would happen unless we were both there and involved? Did you know that before you were together this morning? You know what... I don't even want to know. I just want to be left alone. Just go away, so I don't have to see either of you... it just makes it hurt more.”
I could barely speak by the time I finished. I went to go lock myself into the bathroom until I was sure they left, but the pain flared wildly in my chest as Caleb let out a loud pained whimper. The last thing I registered was blackness taking over as I heard an agonized scream force its way from my chest.
I was in and out of consciousness for what seemed like an infinite amount of time, until I finally caught whispers. “I didn't know. If I would have, I would have called you right away. All I knew was what I told you in the text, until I got the feeling that you needed Major here pronto. I didn't even tell them. I just grabbed them both and hauled ass here.”
Caleb's voice sounded almost dead as he said, “I fucked up, Pete. She's right. I promised her, then I fucked up. It's just... we had to temper ourselves last night with her, then this morning... well, I was hoping she would hear us and join, but I didn't think. I hurt my mate, Pete, even though I never intended to. I can practically feel her dying inside, and it's my fault. I wouldn't be surprised if she never forgives me, because I deserve it.”
I tried to speak, to lift my hand to run it through his hair, but I couldn't do either. I felt more than exhausted, yet he couldn't even tell that I was awake, because he had his head laying on his hand which was holding mine. The blackness was closing in on me again, but I fought it to let him know I heard him. I tried to squeeze his hand, but even doing that took too much energy. I gave up then, letting the blackness have its way.
The next time I woke, I heard Ali singing to me as she stroked my hair. Caleb repeatedly begged me softly, pleading for me not to leave him alone in the world… to come back to him. He promised in a heart-rending voice that he would take any punishment I deemed fit, as long as I didn't die and leave him alone. I tried to lift my hand again, but it still didn't work, so I tried squeezing with the hand he was holding. I got it to flinch in his hold, causing his eyes to snap to mine with a gasp. “Isabella... oh, thank God.” Ali continued to hum while stroking my hair, but I didn't take my heavy eyes off of Caleb.
I tried to tell him to take off my charm cuff bracelet, so that Ali could see, but I couldn't get the words out. What did come out sounded like a garbled mess even to my own ears. Caleb cooed as he stroked my cheek, “Shh... you're too weak. Don't try to talk just yet. I almost lost you twice, because your heart wasn't stable. I was afraid that if I changed you, you'd hate me even more. I'm so sorry, Isabella.”
I managed to get my hand to flinch in his again, so he said, “I'll keep to yes or no questions for now. Blink once for yes and twice for no, Sweetheart. Are you thirsty?”
I blinked slowly once, causing Caleb to nod. I instantly saw Alice hand him a glass with a straw in it, without stopping what she had previously been doing. He held it to my lips, and I was able to swallow several sips before I let go of it. “There we are. I know you're in extreme pain right now, My Love. Jasper is trying all of his contacts to see if the bond can be repaired in any other way, because I don't expect you to trust me enough to heal you the normal way.”
I tried to send my feelings to Jasper, curious to know what the 'normal way' would entail, then heard him say a second later, “She's confused, Caleb. You need to explain... Yes, okay, thanks.”
Caleb cupped my cheek, saying softly, “When mates are parted with no contact for too long, the bond between them becomes stressed, and it weakens. If they are without contact for a certain period of time, the stress causes pain, then eventually death. The only way you are stable right now, is because I'm touching you. It's not enough to heal the damage to our bond, though. The only way we know of that the bond can be repaired, is for my saliva to coat your skin, which would be absorbed into your pores. Then once your body was covered, I would need to reclaim and mark you. I know you are angry with me, so I asked Jasper to find any other way he could for me to heal you.”
I tried to send Jasper a feeling to come to me. He was in my sight range immediately, smiling sadly, then said, “I haven't been having any luck on that front, Sugar. I'm sorry. I'm not giving up, though.”
I sent him my thanks, then the feeling of wanting to take my cuff off as I looked at it. He looked at my cuff, then me, asking, “Your bracelet... you want it off?”
I blinked my eyes once slowly, so Jasper slipped my cuff off before placing it in Caleb's hand. Immediately I felt Ali stiffen next to me, then she breathed a sigh of relief, “I can see her, Jazz. I can see Bella now, but you won't find another way. She either has to go the next several weeks in bed, healing slowly with constant contact, or they need to repair the bond the traditional way. There's no other way to do it.”
Caleb looked at me with pain-filled eyes, but even though every part of me was screaming for him to heal me, I turned my head into Ali's neck. She started humming the song she was singing earlier, stroking my hair again, and soon I was falling back into a fitful sleep.
The next two days I was in and out of consciousness, but I was only awake for a few minutes each time before I was out again. Even those times were few and far between, as I couldn't seem to concentrate enough to recognise anything around me. When I next woke enough to recognise anything, was when I found out I had been out for a total of three days.
It was Jacob's booming voice I heard, yelling, “You called us here because of some fuck up you won't even explain to us, then blondie over there says you know a way to fix it. I'm telling you now, bloodsucker, fucking fix it! It's been three days already, from what you've said!”
Caleb growled in reply, “Don't you think I want to? I'm in as much pain as she is. It's fucking killing me inside that we're both feeling like this... that she has to feel any pain at all... yet the one thing I can do to fix it, is the one thing she'll probably never trust me enough to do again.”
Caleb sounded so broken by the time he finished speaking. I could hear him sobbing close to my head as I felt the bed dip. He carefully curled around me, whispering brokenly that he was sorry, then I found my hand weakly moving to run through his silky hair as I sent Jasper my irritation. They both gasped, but Jasper cupped my cheeks as he hovered over me from the side. “What's the irritation for, Sugar?”
I flicked my eyes around the room until I heard Jacob say, “What is it, Blondie?”
I scowled as my irritation mounted, my eyes flicking toward where I heard Jacob. Jasper chuckled, then said, “If I had to make a guess, I'd say that she's upset with your nicknames, and I don't blame her. I'd also say that she heard the way you were talking to her mate, because even if she is upset with him, she's feeling mighty pissed about how you talked to him. I'd venture to say she'd be having more than a few choice words with you right now, if she could.”
I nodded my head in finality, then sent Jasper my confusion. He smiled softly as looked at Caleb. “Your mate, Darlin. He called the pack when you wouldn't wake up enough to acknowledge us again. He told them they needed to come. Sam is still in Forks to keep an eye on the young ones, but Jake, Leah, and Embry are here.”
I nodded slightly, then tried to talk. My words came out as a hoarse whisper, but Jasper understood me clearly enough. “Need water...”
He nodded, then sat back as Caleb put a straw to my lips. His eyes were filled with venom, so I shook my head as I released the straw, whispering, “I'm in no condition to talk about it now, Caleb. You can stay close enough to hold me, but don't expect anything more. Jacob William Black, I may be pissed at something Caleb did, but so help me God, if you say one more snide remark or rude thing in my mate's house, you can fly your ass back to fucking Washington. I won't put up with it.”
I saw Jake come into my view with a guilty look, then he said, “Alright, Hells Bells. Just try to get better now, please. You scared the shit out of us, and no one would tell us what's going on. They all kept saying it was your decision on whether we know or not, but you wouldn't wake up. I just got frustrated that if there was a way to save you, why wouldn't he?”
I shook my head, then mimed for them to get me a paper and pen. I knew this explanation would wear me out, especially since my throat was raw already. When the paper and pen were given to me, I wrote to Caleb:
Can I tell him? I've never been able to keep secrets from him.
Caleb nodded sadly, so I wrote to Jake:
Caleb has a friend that I was attracted to from the instant I met him. I felt bad, thinking I was a bad mate, but he explained about the way vampires viewed sex. He'll have to explain that later, cuz I'm not writing it all. Anyway, we met and had drinks with his friend several times in the last week, then the other night we invited him back here. Caleb and I had promised each other that nothing would happen without us both being in the room, both involved in some form. I had this overwhelming need to feel them both at the same time, but they kept redirecting my attention, so by the time I fell asleep, the need was so consuming that I wanted to cry. When I woke, I found them together, which I had seen the night before, but they hadn't told me or anything. They were together, yet I wasn't anywhere in the picture. Do you understand?
I handed the pad to Jake, then after he read it, he looked at me sadly. He crawled up onto the bed next to me, then kissed my forehead before hugging me to him. “So what happened next?” I took the pad back and wrote:
I wouldn't let either of them near me, and I started having the nightmares again. This time I didn't stay awake after, though, because I was so exhausted. I would fall right into another nightmare. I woke to the tingle as Caleb tried to soothe me, and scrambled away from him. Caleb's friend tried to say that I was hurting the bond by not letting him near me, but I just couldn't. It hurt to see and feel him, when I felt so betrayed. It's my fault that our bond is damaged, but I don't think I can let him heal me, Jake. We'd need to be intimate again... he'd need to reclaim and mark me. I just... I don't thin-
Jake grabbed the pen from me, cupping my cheek. “Bells, I don't know his side, but I think maybe you should hear him out before you make a decision about this. I may not have an imprint, but I know that even Sam and Emily have things they need to work through together, or it gets blown out of proportion. Please, Baby Bells... at least just listen to his side, then you can make the decision on whether or not to let him in again.”
A silent tear fell as I looked up to Jake, but he wiped it away as he whispered, “I know, Honey, but from what I've seen, he's nothing like that mind-reading prick. I'm not saying you have to forgive him, I'm just asking you to hear his side before you make that decision.”
I nodded, then wrote on the pad for them to please all give us ample space to talk. Jake nodded, saying, “Come on, guys. Time to give these two some privacy.”
When everyone cleared out, I waited a few minutes, then flipped the pad to a clean sheet. I wrote a simple, 'Explain,' to which Caleb nodded sadly. “It's not that we didn't want you to be a part of it, Isabella, I swear. It's just that we had to temper all of our reactions so that we wouldn't hurt you. I was afraid that if we let go fully with each other while you were in the middle, that you would have been seriously hurt. I was trying to physically protect you, but instead ended up emotionally hurting you. I'm so very sorry, Sweetheart. When it went past steamy kissing with Dom that morning, I was hoping that you would wake and join us... or at least let us know you were awake and watching. It never occurred to me that you would think of it as me breaking my promise to you, because I was hoping you'd at least want to watch, if not join.”
I shook my head and wrote, “That's not what started it. Why? Why wouldn't you both take me that night, when you knew just how much I needed to feel it? I felt like crying by the time I fell asleep that morning, because the need was so consuming, yet it felt like you kept rejecting me. I practically begged you both, Caleb.”
Venom tears formed in his eyes, causing Caleb to choke out, “You wanted him there... but I couldn't... I was jealous. The beast in me wouldn't let him be your first there. I also didn't want you to get hurt if I were to have attacked him, so I redirected you. I hoped you would forget about it. You did for a while, but then as soon as he was flush against your back again, you would ask.”
I shook my head as I cupped his cheek, then wrote, “Then why didn't you just tell me that? It was the feeling of being surrounded that prompted me, not him being the one behind me. I would have gladly let you switch positions, if you had only talked to me. You can't hide things like that from me, Caleb, because this is the result. Would you have both taken me if I'd have asked when you were behind me? You were always to the side or not close enough behind me for me to feel surrounded that night.”
Caleb nodded, “I wanted to so very much, Isabella. I ached to, but you only asked when he was there. I thought he was the trigger, which made me jealous. I'm so very sorry I screwed this up... just please don't give up on me. I'll give you as much time as you need, even if you don't choose to make love to me again for a century, but please… please don't give up on me.”
I shook my head, whispering, “I love you, Caleb. I'm not giving up. I need time to sort out my feelings, though, and patience from you. It hurt to see that the way I did, caused me to feel like you didn't want me anymore. It made me feel like I was shoved to the sidelines, and I can't be in a relationship like that. You have to talk to me, or this won't work between us. Do you understand?”
Caleb nodded emphatically, promising to never hide anything from me again, then leaned in to kiss me. He stopped short, though, a flash of pain in his features before he cupped my cheek tenderly. I held his cheek to my hand as I whispered, “I still want to feel it, even if I'm not ready to make love to you again yet. I need to feel that you still want me.”
His lips immediately met mine in a slow but needy kiss, all of his emotions pouring into it as our tongues and lips danced together. He was telling me everything he couldn't find words for. It was exactly what I needed from him.
...BPOV...
When I woke the next morning, it was to an empty bed and moans. I rubbed my blurry eyes to find my mate with Dom in the sitting area of the bedroom. Both were clearly deep into it, their moans and growls indicating both were quite close to release. That was the third time since we had invited Dom into our bed last night that one of them had taken the other, yet they wouldn't take me together, even after they both told me they wanted it.
I was crushed, my heart clenching painfully in my chest, but they didn't even seem to notice me when I grabbed Caleb's tee from last night, throwing it on as I dashed from the room. They still didn't seem to notice me as I slammed the door to the studio, then started slashing at the painting of the three of us with a palette knife. I felt so hurt… so betrayed. I screamed, thrashing as I tried to take my frustrations out, so I didn't even feel it when I gouged a deep cut into my palm with the knife.
I only realised I was bleeding when Dom and Caleb both rushed into the room, surrounding my flailing form as Caleb growled deeply, “Stop it, Isabella. You're hurting yourself. You're bleeding, and you need to stop so that I can tend to you.”
I thrashed even harder, screaming, “Tend to me?! Fuck you! You couldn't do the one thing I wanted most last night... the one thing I was practically dying inside for... then I hear you both this morning. I saw you... the desire between you without me being a part of things. The one thing you promised me, Caleb! You fucking broke it, which was bad enough... but to wake up to that? Even with all of your super senses, neither of you came to me until I started bleeding, yet now you want to tend to me?! Let me go, both of you! I don't want either one of you anywhere near me, so Let. Me. Go!”
They both let me go with a whimper, so I stopped flailing around, angrily wiping at my face. I could feel myself shutting down again, just like with them, so I said in a monotone voice without looking at Caleb, “So much for all your promises to never hurt me. You just did what they never could... you crushed me.”
I wrapped my arms tightly around my ribs, then made my way downstairs. I went into the master bedroom, making sure not to look toward the sitting area, then stripped down as soon as I reached the bathroom.
I cried for quite a bit on the floor of the shower, then finally started washing up when I noticed that the water had been running cold for a while. When I got out, I wrapped the towel around me, numbly bandaged my palm, then rubbed my good hand over my heart.
Along with the emotional pain, there was a physical ache settling deep into my heart that made me want to cry even more. I ignored it as well as the pull, yanked on a t-shirt and pair of yoga pants, then slipped into my beachcombers.
I walked out to the outdoor chaise near the pool, without even caring that I hadn't brushed my hair, then curled up into a ball before closing my eyes. The ache and pull were getting stronger, but there was no way I could go to Caleb after what happened. Silent tears fell down my cheeks as I tightened my arms around my legs. I was trying to hold myself together, like last time, but it wasn't working.
The ache turned to a gasping pain as the day slipped by me.
Neither Caleb or Dom spoke to me, though I could see the pain etched on both of their features as they sat on the other side of the living room french doors from me, Caleb with his forehead and palms both pressed the glass, while Dom looked completely lost. When I finally got up to come back inside, I could see the hope in their eyes, but couldn't go to them even though the pain in my chest was becoming unbearable.
I completely bypassed them, going inside through the french doors in the master bedroom, then curled up as tightly as I could on the bed. I was so tired... completely exhausted... I just wanted to sleep everything away.
My sleep was fitful. All my dreams were nightmares, but my exhaustion led me to repeatedly fall right back into another nightmare as soon as I woke screaming. It only got worse when I jolted awake to the tingle as Caleb cupped my cheek.
I scrambled away from him as I curled myself up against the headboard, tears pouring down my face rapidly, but Dom whispered from the other side of the bed, “He's only trying to lessen the pain you are both in, Isa. You're hurting your bond by not letting him help you.”
My eyes snapped to his as I growled deeply, “I'm not the one who did this... you two are. I'm not doing anything, except trying to keep what little there is left of me alive.”
I choked on my words, but continued anyway. “What you two did... it did more than just hurt me. I can feel myself reliving everything I tried so hard to get over. All the feelings of worthlessness... all the pain. So much pain. Did you know he promised me... swore that nothing would happen unless we were both there and involved? Did you know that before you were together this morning? You know what... I don't even want to know. I just want to be left alone. Just go away, so I don't have to see either of you... it just makes it hurt more.”
I could barely speak by the time I finished. I went to go lock myself into the bathroom until I was sure they left, but the pain flared wildly in my chest as Caleb let out a loud pained whimper. The last thing I registered was blackness taking over as I heard an agonized scream force its way from my chest.
I was in and out of consciousness for what seemed like an infinite amount of time, until I finally caught whispers. “I didn't know. If I would have, I would have called you right away. All I knew was what I told you in the text, until I got the feeling that you needed Major here pronto. I didn't even tell them. I just grabbed them both and hauled ass here.”
Caleb's voice sounded almost dead as he said, “I fucked up, Pete. She's right. I promised her, then I fucked up. It's just... we had to temper ourselves last night with her, then this morning... well, I was hoping she would hear us and join, but I didn't think. I hurt my mate, Pete, even though I never intended to. I can practically feel her dying inside, and it's my fault. I wouldn't be surprised if she never forgives me, because I deserve it.”
I tried to speak, to lift my hand to run it through his hair, but I couldn't do either. I felt more than exhausted, yet he couldn't even tell that I was awake, because he had his head laying on his hand which was holding mine. The blackness was closing in on me again, but I fought it to let him know I heard him. I tried to squeeze his hand, but even doing that took too much energy. I gave up then, letting the blackness have its way.
The next time I woke, I heard Ali singing to me as she stroked my hair. Caleb repeatedly begged me softly, pleading for me not to leave him alone in the world… to come back to him. He promised in a heart-rending voice that he would take any punishment I deemed fit, as long as I didn't die and leave him alone. I tried to lift my hand again, but it still didn't work, so I tried squeezing with the hand he was holding. I got it to flinch in his hold, causing his eyes to snap to mine with a gasp. “Isabella... oh, thank God.” Ali continued to hum while stroking my hair, but I didn't take my heavy eyes off of Caleb.
I tried to tell him to take off my charm cuff bracelet, so that Ali could see, but I couldn't get the words out. What did come out sounded like a garbled mess even to my own ears. Caleb cooed as he stroked my cheek, “Shh... you're too weak. Don't try to talk just yet. I almost lost you twice, because your heart wasn't stable. I was afraid that if I changed you, you'd hate me even more. I'm so sorry, Isabella.”
I managed to get my hand to flinch in his again, so he said, “I'll keep to yes or no questions for now. Blink once for yes and twice for no, Sweetheart. Are you thirsty?”
I blinked slowly once, causing Caleb to nod. I instantly saw Alice hand him a glass with a straw in it, without stopping what she had previously been doing. He held it to my lips, and I was able to swallow several sips before I let go of it. “There we are. I know you're in extreme pain right now, My Love. Jasper is trying all of his contacts to see if the bond can be repaired in any other way, because I don't expect you to trust me enough to heal you the normal way.”
I tried to send my feelings to Jasper, curious to know what the 'normal way' would entail, then heard him say a second later, “She's confused, Caleb. You need to explain... Yes, okay, thanks.”
Caleb cupped my cheek, saying softly, “When mates are parted with no contact for too long, the bond between them becomes stressed, and it weakens. If they are without contact for a certain period of time, the stress causes pain, then eventually death. The only way you are stable right now, is because I'm touching you. It's not enough to heal the damage to our bond, though. The only way we know of that the bond can be repaired, is for my saliva to coat your skin, which would be absorbed into your pores. Then once your body was covered, I would need to reclaim and mark you. I know you are angry with me, so I asked Jasper to find any other way he could for me to heal you.”
I tried to send Jasper a feeling to come to me. He was in my sight range immediately, smiling sadly, then said, “I haven't been having any luck on that front, Sugar. I'm sorry. I'm not giving up, though.”
I sent him my thanks, then the feeling of wanting to take my cuff off as I looked at it. He looked at my cuff, then me, asking, “Your bracelet... you want it off?”
I blinked my eyes once slowly, so Jasper slipped my cuff off before placing it in Caleb's hand. Immediately I felt Ali stiffen next to me, then she breathed a sigh of relief, “I can see her, Jazz. I can see Bella now, but you won't find another way. She either has to go the next several weeks in bed, healing slowly with constant contact, or they need to repair the bond the traditional way. There's no other way to do it.”
Caleb looked at me with pain-filled eyes, but even though every part of me was screaming for him to heal me, I turned my head into Ali's neck. She started humming the song she was singing earlier, stroking my hair again, and soon I was falling back into a fitful sleep.
The next two days I was in and out of consciousness, but I was only awake for a few minutes each time before I was out again. Even those times were few and far between, as I couldn't seem to concentrate enough to recognise anything around me. When I next woke enough to recognise anything, was when I found out I had been out for a total of three days.
It was Jacob's booming voice I heard, yelling, “You called us here because of some fuck up you won't even explain to us, then blondie over there says you know a way to fix it. I'm telling you now, bloodsucker, fucking fix it! It's been three days already, from what you've said!”
Caleb growled in reply, “Don't you think I want to? I'm in as much pain as she is. It's fucking killing me inside that we're both feeling like this... that she has to feel any pain at all... yet the one thing I can do to fix it, is the one thing she'll probably never trust me enough to do again.”
Caleb sounded so broken by the time he finished speaking. I could hear him sobbing close to my head as I felt the bed dip. He carefully curled around me, whispering brokenly that he was sorry, then I found my hand weakly moving to run through his silky hair as I sent Jasper my irritation. They both gasped, but Jasper cupped my cheeks as he hovered over me from the side. “What's the irritation for, Sugar?”
I flicked my eyes around the room until I heard Jacob say, “What is it, Blondie?”
I scowled as my irritation mounted, my eyes flicking toward where I heard Jacob. Jasper chuckled, then said, “If I had to make a guess, I'd say that she's upset with your nicknames, and I don't blame her. I'd also say that she heard the way you were talking to her mate, because even if she is upset with him, she's feeling mighty pissed about how you talked to him. I'd venture to say she'd be having more than a few choice words with you right now, if she could.”
I nodded my head in finality, then sent Jasper my confusion. He smiled softly as looked at Caleb. “Your mate, Darlin. He called the pack when you wouldn't wake up enough to acknowledge us again. He told them they needed to come. Sam is still in Forks to keep an eye on the young ones, but Jake, Leah, and Embry are here.”
I nodded slightly, then tried to talk. My words came out as a hoarse whisper, but Jasper understood me clearly enough. “Need water...”
He nodded, then sat back as Caleb put a straw to my lips. His eyes were filled with venom, so I shook my head as I released the straw, whispering, “I'm in no condition to talk about it now, Caleb. You can stay close enough to hold me, but don't expect anything more. Jacob William Black, I may be pissed at something Caleb did, but so help me God, if you say one more snide remark or rude thing in my mate's house, you can fly your ass back to fucking Washington. I won't put up with it.”
I saw Jake come into my view with a guilty look, then he said, “Alright, Hells Bells. Just try to get better now, please. You scared the shit out of us, and no one would tell us what's going on. They all kept saying it was your decision on whether we know or not, but you wouldn't wake up. I just got frustrated that if there was a way to save you, why wouldn't he?”
I shook my head, then mimed for them to get me a paper and pen. I knew this explanation would wear me out, especially since my throat was raw already. When the paper and pen were given to me, I wrote to Caleb:
Can I tell him? I've never been able to keep secrets from him.
Caleb nodded sadly, so I wrote to Jake:
Caleb has a friend that I was attracted to from the instant I met him. I felt bad, thinking I was a bad mate, but he explained about the way vampires viewed sex. He'll have to explain that later, cuz I'm not writing it all. Anyway, we met and had drinks with his friend several times in the last week, then the other night we invited him back here. Caleb and I had promised each other that nothing would happen without us both being in the room, both involved in some form. I had this overwhelming need to feel them both at the same time, but they kept redirecting my attention, so by the time I fell asleep, the need was so consuming that I wanted to cry. When I woke, I found them together, which I had seen the night before, but they hadn't told me or anything. They were together, yet I wasn't anywhere in the picture. Do you understand?
I handed the pad to Jake, then after he read it, he looked at me sadly. He crawled up onto the bed next to me, then kissed my forehead before hugging me to him. “So what happened next?” I took the pad back and wrote:
I wouldn't let either of them near me, and I started having the nightmares again. This time I didn't stay awake after, though, because I was so exhausted. I would fall right into another nightmare. I woke to the tingle as Caleb tried to soothe me, and scrambled away from him. Caleb's friend tried to say that I was hurting the bond by not letting him near me, but I just couldn't. It hurt to see and feel him, when I felt so betrayed. It's my fault that our bond is damaged, but I don't think I can let him heal me, Jake. We'd need to be intimate again... he'd need to reclaim and mark me. I just... I don't thin-
Jake grabbed the pen from me, cupping my cheek. “Bells, I don't know his side, but I think maybe you should hear him out before you make a decision about this. I may not have an imprint, but I know that even Sam and Emily have things they need to work through together, or it gets blown out of proportion. Please, Baby Bells... at least just listen to his side, then you can make the decision on whether or not to let him in again.”
A silent tear fell as I looked up to Jake, but he wiped it away as he whispered, “I know, Honey, but from what I've seen, he's nothing like that mind-reading prick. I'm not saying you have to forgive him, I'm just asking you to hear his side before you make that decision.”
I nodded, then wrote on the pad for them to please all give us ample space to talk. Jake nodded, saying, “Come on, guys. Time to give these two some privacy.”
When everyone cleared out, I waited a few minutes, then flipped the pad to a clean sheet. I wrote a simple, 'Explain,' to which Caleb nodded sadly. “It's not that we didn't want you to be a part of it, Isabella, I swear. It's just that we had to temper all of our reactions so that we wouldn't hurt you. I was afraid that if we let go fully with each other while you were in the middle, that you would have been seriously hurt. I was trying to physically protect you, but instead ended up emotionally hurting you. I'm so very sorry, Sweetheart. When it went past steamy kissing with Dom that morning, I was hoping that you would wake and join us... or at least let us know you were awake and watching. It never occurred to me that you would think of it as me breaking my promise to you, because I was hoping you'd at least want to watch, if not join.”
I shook my head and wrote, “That's not what started it. Why? Why wouldn't you both take me that night, when you knew just how much I needed to feel it? I felt like crying by the time I fell asleep that morning, because the need was so consuming, yet it felt like you kept rejecting me. I practically begged you both, Caleb.”
Venom tears formed in his eyes, causing Caleb to choke out, “You wanted him there... but I couldn't... I was jealous. The beast in me wouldn't let him be your first there. I also didn't want you to get hurt if I were to have attacked him, so I redirected you. I hoped you would forget about it. You did for a while, but then as soon as he was flush against your back again, you would ask.”
I shook my head as I cupped his cheek, then wrote, “Then why didn't you just tell me that? It was the feeling of being surrounded that prompted me, not him being the one behind me. I would have gladly let you switch positions, if you had only talked to me. You can't hide things like that from me, Caleb, because this is the result. Would you have both taken me if I'd have asked when you were behind me? You were always to the side or not close enough behind me for me to feel surrounded that night.”
Caleb nodded, “I wanted to so very much, Isabella. I ached to, but you only asked when he was there. I thought he was the trigger, which made me jealous. I'm so very sorry I screwed this up... just please don't give up on me. I'll give you as much time as you need, even if you don't choose to make love to me again for a century, but please… please don't give up on me.”
I shook my head, whispering, “I love you, Caleb. I'm not giving up. I need time to sort out my feelings, though, and patience from you. It hurt to see that the way I did, caused me to feel like you didn't want me anymore. It made me feel like I was shoved to the sidelines, and I can't be in a relationship like that. You have to talk to me, or this won't work between us. Do you understand?”
Caleb nodded emphatically, promising to never hide anything from me again, then leaned in to kiss me. He stopped short, though, a flash of pain in his features before he cupped my cheek tenderly. I held his cheek to my hand as I whispered, “I still want to feel it, even if I'm not ready to make love to you again yet. I need to feel that you still want me.”
His lips immediately met mine in a slow but needy kiss, all of his emotions pouring into it as our tongues and lips danced together. He was telling me everything he couldn't find words for. It was exactly what I needed from him.