The Heat of You
by Wizardtho
Chapter 28:
Paul could tell my emotions were all over the place on the run home, so after we both shifted and walked inside, he guided me directly to the shower. Once the water was raining down on us, my forehead pressed to his chest and my arms wrapped tightly around him, Paul whispered into the top of my head, “The whole way home, the only thing I could think about was how incredible you are. You were fearless, Bella… fearless, deadly, powerful, and fuck, you were mine. Watching you take down a vampire was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen, and it made me realize how much I want to marry you.”
I shook my head as tears filled my eyes, then pushed back from him with my hands on his chest. I choked out as my eyes met his, “No… no, Paul you can’t. You can’t want to marry me.”
He went to say something, but I put my fingers to his lips to stop him. “No. I mean it. I haven’t said anything because I didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t want to believe it, but Dr. Brown says the scar tissue is extensive. She doesn’t think…”
My voice broke, and Paul pulled me into his chest as I choked out, “She doesn’t think I’ll be able to carry your child… carry any child. There’s too much damage.”
Paul lifted my chin, then asked me in a serious tone, “You think that matters to me? You are everything that matters to me, Bella. You don’t have to have the ability to carry my child for me to love you… for me to want to marry you. You just have to be you.”
Tears fell down my face, mixing with the water raining down on us. I took a shaky breath before asking, “Doesn’t your wolf want pups? I know mine does.”
He shrugged before offering, “Yeah, I’ve had thoughts about how you’d be an amazing mother, and I’ve pictured what that might look like -a possible future with you carrying a tiny Lahote in your arms while I carry a toddler on my shoulders- but it was just that. A maybe. I don’t feel like I need a child to fill a void or prove anything. You, Swan. You complete me. You’re all I need.”
There was nothing but truth in his words, eyes, and emotions. Suddenly, the worry and anguish I’d been feeling since finding out the results seemed to disappear. All that was left was a feeling of rightness and my growing love for Paul.
With a shaky breath, nervous butterflies filled me as I whispered, “Paul, I’m going to kiss you senseless if you keep saying things like that.”
His eyes widened for a split second before he whispered in my ear, “Things like what? Like how much I love you? Or how you’re all that matters to me? Or what about how incredible you were out there… how watching my mate kill a vampire drove me crazy with desire? Every word is the truth, and I will tell you them as many times as it takes for you to believe them.”
Without hesitation, I turned my head and quickly took his mouth with mine, making Paul let out a pleased moan deep in his chest. As his tongue caressed mine, his scent surrounded me, and my body slowly filled with anticipation and arousal.
His warm hands gripped my hips and the back of my neck, and his body pressed against mine almost tentatively, causing me to groan into his mouth, “The heat of you… your hands, your body against mine… so good.”
Paul moaned loudly as I caught him in another kiss. I could smell his scent deepening, which turned me on immensely.
In the next second, Paul hitched my knee against his hip and backed me into the shower wall. I stiffened with a gasp at the cold shock against my back, as well as his hardness against my core. My whole body was instantly filled with fear before I could even process what was truly going on.
Paul noticed, placing my leg down as he caught my eyes, “It’s me, Beautiful. Just me. You’re safe. What’s wrong; what just happened?”
I pushed away from the wall and pressed myself against Paul’s chest while wrapping my arms tightly around him. With a shaky breath, I explained, “The wall… cold. With our position, it just…”
He groaned, holding me close, “The sudden cold made you think of them. You feared you were going to be hurt again. Shit, Bella, I’m sorry.”
I shook my head into his chest, “It wasn’t your fault.”
Paul grabbed my body wash and sponge, then offered with a small smile, “Honestly, for our first try being this intimate, I think it went pretty damn well.”
I gave him a disbelieving look as I took the soapy sponge from him, but he shook his head, “Listen. I know there are going to be more stops and sudden memories. I’m not expecting to get through this without some stumbling blocks. You endured their torture for over a year, Swan. Anything could be a trigger in that amount of time. As long as you keep telling me, so I know what and why, we can work through it. Now I can keep in the back of my mind that pressing you against a wall full of cold tile is a shitty idea. At a later point, if you feel like you want to, we can try to overcome that trigger -or any other trigger- together.”
With a peck to my lips, Paul grabbed my sponge, then gently turned me before soaping my back. Then, as crazy as it sounded -as if I hadn’t just kissed the hell out of him- Paul and I showered like it was any other day.
Paul could tell my emotions were all over the place on the run home, so after we both shifted and walked inside, he guided me directly to the shower. Once the water was raining down on us, my forehead pressed to his chest and my arms wrapped tightly around him, Paul whispered into the top of my head, “The whole way home, the only thing I could think about was how incredible you are. You were fearless, Bella… fearless, deadly, powerful, and fuck, you were mine. Watching you take down a vampire was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen, and it made me realize how much I want to marry you.”
I shook my head as tears filled my eyes, then pushed back from him with my hands on his chest. I choked out as my eyes met his, “No… no, Paul you can’t. You can’t want to marry me.”
He went to say something, but I put my fingers to his lips to stop him. “No. I mean it. I haven’t said anything because I didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t want to believe it, but Dr. Brown says the scar tissue is extensive. She doesn’t think…”
My voice broke, and Paul pulled me into his chest as I choked out, “She doesn’t think I’ll be able to carry your child… carry any child. There’s too much damage.”
Paul lifted my chin, then asked me in a serious tone, “You think that matters to me? You are everything that matters to me, Bella. You don’t have to have the ability to carry my child for me to love you… for me to want to marry you. You just have to be you.”
Tears fell down my face, mixing with the water raining down on us. I took a shaky breath before asking, “Doesn’t your wolf want pups? I know mine does.”
He shrugged before offering, “Yeah, I’ve had thoughts about how you’d be an amazing mother, and I’ve pictured what that might look like -a possible future with you carrying a tiny Lahote in your arms while I carry a toddler on my shoulders- but it was just that. A maybe. I don’t feel like I need a child to fill a void or prove anything. You, Swan. You complete me. You’re all I need.”
There was nothing but truth in his words, eyes, and emotions. Suddenly, the worry and anguish I’d been feeling since finding out the results seemed to disappear. All that was left was a feeling of rightness and my growing love for Paul.
With a shaky breath, nervous butterflies filled me as I whispered, “Paul, I’m going to kiss you senseless if you keep saying things like that.”
His eyes widened for a split second before he whispered in my ear, “Things like what? Like how much I love you? Or how you’re all that matters to me? Or what about how incredible you were out there… how watching my mate kill a vampire drove me crazy with desire? Every word is the truth, and I will tell you them as many times as it takes for you to believe them.”
Without hesitation, I turned my head and quickly took his mouth with mine, making Paul let out a pleased moan deep in his chest. As his tongue caressed mine, his scent surrounded me, and my body slowly filled with anticipation and arousal.
His warm hands gripped my hips and the back of my neck, and his body pressed against mine almost tentatively, causing me to groan into his mouth, “The heat of you… your hands, your body against mine… so good.”
Paul moaned loudly as I caught him in another kiss. I could smell his scent deepening, which turned me on immensely.
In the next second, Paul hitched my knee against his hip and backed me into the shower wall. I stiffened with a gasp at the cold shock against my back, as well as his hardness against my core. My whole body was instantly filled with fear before I could even process what was truly going on.
Paul noticed, placing my leg down as he caught my eyes, “It’s me, Beautiful. Just me. You’re safe. What’s wrong; what just happened?”
I pushed away from the wall and pressed myself against Paul’s chest while wrapping my arms tightly around him. With a shaky breath, I explained, “The wall… cold. With our position, it just…”
He groaned, holding me close, “The sudden cold made you think of them. You feared you were going to be hurt again. Shit, Bella, I’m sorry.”
I shook my head into his chest, “It wasn’t your fault.”
Paul grabbed my body wash and sponge, then offered with a small smile, “Honestly, for our first try being this intimate, I think it went pretty damn well.”
I gave him a disbelieving look as I took the soapy sponge from him, but he shook his head, “Listen. I know there are going to be more stops and sudden memories. I’m not expecting to get through this without some stumbling blocks. You endured their torture for over a year, Swan. Anything could be a trigger in that amount of time. As long as you keep telling me, so I know what and why, we can work through it. Now I can keep in the back of my mind that pressing you against a wall full of cold tile is a shitty idea. At a later point, if you feel like you want to, we can try to overcome that trigger -or any other trigger- together.”
With a peck to my lips, Paul grabbed my sponge, then gently turned me before soaping my back. Then, as crazy as it sounded -as if I hadn’t just kissed the hell out of him- Paul and I showered like it was any other day.