When Angels Cry
by wizardtho
Chapter 09: No Squashing The Panic
I was right. I missed my Edward before he was even out the door, and seriously disliked the fact that he was away from my side, going somewhere I couldn’t see him. Less than five minutes after he left, I was nearly to the point of running after him, practically hyperventilating when Jasper stopped me.
He came over to me, rubbed my arms as he caught my eyes, then said seriously, “Breathe, Bella. Come on… breathe with me. I know. I know how hard this is. I went through it the first several times Ali left my side to do something on her own. She always came back to me, though. Edward will come back to you. The panic you feel is normal with new mates, especially in our situations. My situation was slightly different, but still… bad vamps and a new mate make for some panicky thoughts. Try to concentrate on something good.”
I let out an incredulous sound, then asked, “Like what? What good is there to concentrate on in this moment, Jasper?”
He chuckled before winking at me, “The fact that your mate now smells slightly more like you than even his own scent. That’s serious, Bella, but a very good thing.”
My dad piped up from not too far away as he walked toward us, “That is a very good thing, Bells. It means that not only is Edward your angel’s chosen, but he’s yours, too. You’re now bound completely, and your mating is unbreakable.”
I smiled at this tidbit, but offered, “He was always my chosen… angel or no. Speaking of scent, though… other than that meaning, is it normal?”
Jasper’s eyebrows furrowed as he searched my feelings, then he gave me a cat got the cream grin right as Dad asked, “What do you mean, Bells?”
I coughed as I nudged a smirking Jasper with my elbow, then explained, “Every time I inhale his mated scent, I want to jump him. His scent always smelled incredible to me, but it wasn’t like I felt the need t-”
Dad cleared his throat loudly, then laughed, “Got the picture, there, Bells. No need to elaborate. Unless it’s a vampire thing, I don’t know. The books all say that your mate’s scent is a comforting and calming thing.”
Jasper hummed in reply, “Same for us. The only thing I can come up with is that maybe it has something to do with you not being changed yet, and the opportunities still available to you.”
I let out a breath as he shrugged, knowing it was quite possible, then closed that topic by saying, “I guess only time will tell. It’s something I’ll have to bring up with Edward when we have a moment alone.”
Alice came out from my bedroom only moments later, the handles of two very large suitcases in one hand, and two large duffels in the other. I giggled, ready to say something about her over-packing for me, but she gave me a dirty look before assuring me, “I did not over-pack for you. How many outfits have you gone through in the last 24 hours alone? I still need to alter a bunch of your tops, because until I get them done, you’ll end up ripping all of them when your wings expand. Hence the need for more being packed. Now… if you’re done fussing about my packing skills, I’ll just help Charlie bring down what he’s taking.”
I kissed her cheek, hugged her tightly while whispering that I loved her, then let her go so she could retrieve Dad’s things. Jasper gave me a sly smile, whispering once they had disappeared up the stairs, “She probably did over-pack still, even taking that point into consideration, but she’s worried. You know how she gets when she’s worried about something. She either shops or rearranges closets… or both. It helps keep her mind clear for the visions to have an easy pathway.”
I nodded; I did know that about her, though only a select few truly understood it. Even I didn’t understand it until Phoenix. She kept rearranging the hotel room nick-knacks between visions. Anything small that wasn’t bolted down got moved over a hundred times, and she wouldn’t hold anything more than a short conversation.
Presently seeing many of the same signs in her was the reason I bit back my snarky retort to her rant… especially when her visions were vital to me knowing my mate was safe while away from me. If I were to start a back-and-forth with her now, she might miss something that could put everyone in danger.
I blew out a breath, then rubbed my fist against my chest. Jasper’s look was knowing, but slightly sad as he offered, “That, Sugar, is one thing I can’t help ease. Sorry. Just gotta bear it until he returns. If you focus, you’ll be able to tell the moment he starts heading back. The ache will start easing up.”
Though I tried to keep Jasper’s words in my thoughts, by the time another 20 minutes had passed with no sign of my Edward -or lessening of the ache in my chest- I felt like I was slowly going insane. I paced the length of the family room and entry, my eyes constantly seeking any sign of him out the windows. It was finally my phone ringing that broke my pattern of worry, as I rushed to pull it from my pocket to answer it.
“Edward?!”
He cooed in response, “I know, Love. I’m just as edgy without you. I am safe, and will be heading back to you in only a few seconds. I need you to calm down for me, though. Jasper says he’s been trying to help, but you are so upset that he can’t reach you with his gift.”
I let out a sigh of relief that he was safe, but shook my head, “I can’t help it, Edward. I don’t like this. I can’t see you… can’t feel you… it’s all wrong. Every instinct I have is screaming at me to go to you. My pacing is the only thing that’s stopped me. Just… promise me you’ll stay safe and come back to me soon.”
I heard the sound of someone in the background speaking, then Edward promised, “We are on the way now, Love. I need to go, but know that I will be there soon. I love you, Isabella.”
I whispered shakily, “I love you too, Edward,” before ending the call and holding the phone to my chest. The ache in my chest lessened a small bit, causing me to let out a rushed breath in relief. Seconds later, I felt gentle waves of calm brushing against me, so I sent Jasper my silent thanks as I soaked up the feeling.
Slowly, ever so slowly, the panic lessened at the same rate as the ache in my chest. Jasper's calm was like a topical salve, but with everything that had happened recently, the panic wasn’t truly squashed until I saw my Edward rushing into the house with eyes only for me.
I was right. I missed my Edward before he was even out the door, and seriously disliked the fact that he was away from my side, going somewhere I couldn’t see him. Less than five minutes after he left, I was nearly to the point of running after him, practically hyperventilating when Jasper stopped me.
He came over to me, rubbed my arms as he caught my eyes, then said seriously, “Breathe, Bella. Come on… breathe with me. I know. I know how hard this is. I went through it the first several times Ali left my side to do something on her own. She always came back to me, though. Edward will come back to you. The panic you feel is normal with new mates, especially in our situations. My situation was slightly different, but still… bad vamps and a new mate make for some panicky thoughts. Try to concentrate on something good.”
I let out an incredulous sound, then asked, “Like what? What good is there to concentrate on in this moment, Jasper?”
He chuckled before winking at me, “The fact that your mate now smells slightly more like you than even his own scent. That’s serious, Bella, but a very good thing.”
My dad piped up from not too far away as he walked toward us, “That is a very good thing, Bells. It means that not only is Edward your angel’s chosen, but he’s yours, too. You’re now bound completely, and your mating is unbreakable.”
I smiled at this tidbit, but offered, “He was always my chosen… angel or no. Speaking of scent, though… other than that meaning, is it normal?”
Jasper’s eyebrows furrowed as he searched my feelings, then he gave me a cat got the cream grin right as Dad asked, “What do you mean, Bells?”
I coughed as I nudged a smirking Jasper with my elbow, then explained, “Every time I inhale his mated scent, I want to jump him. His scent always smelled incredible to me, but it wasn’t like I felt the need t-”
Dad cleared his throat loudly, then laughed, “Got the picture, there, Bells. No need to elaborate. Unless it’s a vampire thing, I don’t know. The books all say that your mate’s scent is a comforting and calming thing.”
Jasper hummed in reply, “Same for us. The only thing I can come up with is that maybe it has something to do with you not being changed yet, and the opportunities still available to you.”
I let out a breath as he shrugged, knowing it was quite possible, then closed that topic by saying, “I guess only time will tell. It’s something I’ll have to bring up with Edward when we have a moment alone.”
Alice came out from my bedroom only moments later, the handles of two very large suitcases in one hand, and two large duffels in the other. I giggled, ready to say something about her over-packing for me, but she gave me a dirty look before assuring me, “I did not over-pack for you. How many outfits have you gone through in the last 24 hours alone? I still need to alter a bunch of your tops, because until I get them done, you’ll end up ripping all of them when your wings expand. Hence the need for more being packed. Now… if you’re done fussing about my packing skills, I’ll just help Charlie bring down what he’s taking.”
I kissed her cheek, hugged her tightly while whispering that I loved her, then let her go so she could retrieve Dad’s things. Jasper gave me a sly smile, whispering once they had disappeared up the stairs, “She probably did over-pack still, even taking that point into consideration, but she’s worried. You know how she gets when she’s worried about something. She either shops or rearranges closets… or both. It helps keep her mind clear for the visions to have an easy pathway.”
I nodded; I did know that about her, though only a select few truly understood it. Even I didn’t understand it until Phoenix. She kept rearranging the hotel room nick-knacks between visions. Anything small that wasn’t bolted down got moved over a hundred times, and she wouldn’t hold anything more than a short conversation.
Presently seeing many of the same signs in her was the reason I bit back my snarky retort to her rant… especially when her visions were vital to me knowing my mate was safe while away from me. If I were to start a back-and-forth with her now, she might miss something that could put everyone in danger.
I blew out a breath, then rubbed my fist against my chest. Jasper’s look was knowing, but slightly sad as he offered, “That, Sugar, is one thing I can’t help ease. Sorry. Just gotta bear it until he returns. If you focus, you’ll be able to tell the moment he starts heading back. The ache will start easing up.”
Though I tried to keep Jasper’s words in my thoughts, by the time another 20 minutes had passed with no sign of my Edward -or lessening of the ache in my chest- I felt like I was slowly going insane. I paced the length of the family room and entry, my eyes constantly seeking any sign of him out the windows. It was finally my phone ringing that broke my pattern of worry, as I rushed to pull it from my pocket to answer it.
“Edward?!”
He cooed in response, “I know, Love. I’m just as edgy without you. I am safe, and will be heading back to you in only a few seconds. I need you to calm down for me, though. Jasper says he’s been trying to help, but you are so upset that he can’t reach you with his gift.”
I let out a sigh of relief that he was safe, but shook my head, “I can’t help it, Edward. I don’t like this. I can’t see you… can’t feel you… it’s all wrong. Every instinct I have is screaming at me to go to you. My pacing is the only thing that’s stopped me. Just… promise me you’ll stay safe and come back to me soon.”
I heard the sound of someone in the background speaking, then Edward promised, “We are on the way now, Love. I need to go, but know that I will be there soon. I love you, Isabella.”
I whispered shakily, “I love you too, Edward,” before ending the call and holding the phone to my chest. The ache in my chest lessened a small bit, causing me to let out a rushed breath in relief. Seconds later, I felt gentle waves of calm brushing against me, so I sent Jasper my silent thanks as I soaked up the feeling.
Slowly, ever so slowly, the panic lessened at the same rate as the ache in my chest. Jasper's calm was like a topical salve, but with everything that had happened recently, the panic wasn’t truly squashed until I saw my Edward rushing into the house with eyes only for me.