Waiting For My Real Life To Begin
by Laura Spudzmom
Chapter 04
After Damon got Bella calm, he gave her the first real dose of his blood, carried her to her bedroom and she slept while the rest of them planned and went over every detail that they could think of.
Renée had decided to see how Bella was doing later after waking, before she would make a decision on the number of days she would spend here. She had been shocked at the almost instant connection that she had witnessed between Damon and Bella and had discussed it with Stefan at length.
He had explained how her vampire instincts had recognized and connected with her father, especially in her distressed condition. In short, her vampire side was seeking desperately to cling to life, even while the weak human side of her was dying.
He had gone on to explain how the two sides would balance each other out once she had a few doses of blood to heal her. She would be back to normal again at that point, and then they could consider casting the spell.
Of course, she still had quite a bit of training to master before making such a journey. She had to be convincing as a high-born lady after all.
She sighed in relief and smiled at Stefan.
"Thank you for explaining it all to me. It makes sense to me now and if I'm honest, gives me hope that she will get through this and be stronger for it. Just two short days ago, I was convinced I was about to lose my daughter."
Stefan met her gaze then with a decidedly serious expression.
"You were Renée. This would have killed her. Just by looking at her when you brought her in, I could see that. Thank god you were smart enough to realize it and get her here. Without Damon's blood to sustain her, she probably wouldn't have lasted a month. But as we discussed before, we must get her to the one she's bonded to otherwise she will relapse."
Renée nodded. "I understand. Even though it will hurt terribly letting her go, I know I must. But I have a question."
He inclined his head. "Ask away. I'm more than happy to answer if I can. If I can't, then perhaps someone else can, and we will do all in our power to find the answers for you."
Renée smiled warmly at Stefan. "Are you sure you're related to Damon?"
At this, an until this moment, quiet Elena dissolved into peals of laughter with Stefan chuckling along.
"Quite sure Renée, although the question does come up rather frequently."
Wrapping an arm around a now smiling Elena he prompted Renée. "Your question?"
Renée felt the gravity of the situation settle on her shoulders like a leaden cloak and the smile dropped from her face.
"Will she ever be able to come back?"
Stefan leaned forward with a thoughtful look on his face. There were so many variables to any answer he gave her, he had to be careful of giving her too much hope and then again, not enough.
"The answer to your question is multi-faceted Renée."
She leaned back and uttered a very ineloquent "Huh?"
He smiled patiently and opened his mouth to try to explain his statement when Damon cut in.
"What he means to say is will she want to? It all depends on her. We can get her to Bonnie's ancestor for a return trip, but it's all up to her. That will leave you here, always wondering. Can you handle that Renée? You may think you have no choice in the matter, but really, you do. You could go with her and watch over her. You are her mother after all."
Renée was shaking her head before he was even done speaking. "It's impossible. I can't go with her. I have a life here. One that I finally love. I have a new husband whom I love very much. I can't just leave him."
She looked down at her lap, head shaking slowly as her eyes teared up with her realization. She looked back up at them.
"This is going to mean goodbye forever for she and I isn't it? I'm most likely never going to see her again."
Stefan nodded and took her hand. "Most likely Renée. It's all up to her and the decision she makes. But a mate bond is very strong. You saw the effects of it yourself." She nodded and he took a moment to think about what he needed to say next. It wasn't going to be easy for her to hear, but she needed to hear it.
"Renée, when she goes through the spell and is gone, you need to let her go completely. You can't live your life always anticipating her return when it's most likely that she won't. It won't be fair to you or your husband to live a half life where things are on hold because your daughter might come back. Do you understand why I'm telling you this?"
She nodded and smiled sadly.
"I appreciate your concern Stefan, and it's good advice. Difficult to comply with, but very sound advice."
~o0o~
Damon made his way down the hall and knocked lightly at his daughter's door. Peeking in, he then opened the door wider and let himself in.
She was sitting up and looking much better.
He figured now was as good a time as any to explain all that was going on and just what they were planning.
After all, if she wasn't willing, then all of this planning was a huge waste of time and they would need to figure something else out. He just wanted to avoid an entanglement with an entire coven of cold ones if he could help it.
Not that he wasn't strong enough to kick their asses, but he had enough on his plate here at home without borrowing trouble from elsewhere too.
She smirked at him as he pulled a chair up and he was taken aback at the fact that he recognized that smirk; he wore it's predecessor on his own face for all of these years after all. He would recognize it anywhere.
"Well, you look a lot better." He sat back in the chair and waited on what she had to say now that she was back in the land of the somewhat living.
She nodded and gave him a sidelong glance. "Yeah, and I know that I have you to thank for that. Well, and my mother for getting me here in the first place. I don't remember the trip at all, but I bet it wasn't fun for her dragging around a semi-corpse as she was."
"No, it wasn't from what she told us. I suppose it could have been worse though. You could have tried to fight going anywhere at all."
"Yeah, then she would have had to try talking you into coming to me. I've been sitting here wondering how that would have turned out. Would you have made the trip?"
He smirked. "You go right for the kill don't you my daughter?"
Her eyes flashed in anger as she looked at him.
"And why wouldn't I? Why the hell would I extend any courtesy to you after all your years of silence where I am concerned? Was I not good enough for you to be bothered? Or was I just too much of an inconvenience to be in your life in any way?"
Tears filled her eyes as she thought of the days and nights where she thought of her father and wondered where he was and the longing she had felt to really know him that had never waned; the longing to know and be loved by him.
He nodded and looked away. "I deserve your anger, I know. But I was never father material Bella, and I just figured that your life would be better without me in it. I'm not a good guy Bella. You can ask anyone and they'll tell you..."
He trailed off when she cut in.
"I don't want to have to ask anyone else. Fuck anyone else. I wanted to know you, shitty as you may consider yourself. I wanted to love you, even if I had to justify it by saying 'yeah sure, everyone thinks he's an ass, but he's my Dad and I love him so fuck off.' Let me ask you this: How many perfect parents have you ever seen or heard of in all of your years on this earth?"
He looked off to the side and she smirked and nodded. "That many, eh? That's what I thought. Well, guess what? I know you in here."
She pointed to her heart.
"I love you there too, just because you're my dad, and not for any other reason. It's certainly not because you've earned it and it's not due to all the time you spent with me. It's because you're a part of me and I'm a part of you and I don't know about you but I can feel that through my whole being. I know you Damon Salvatore. I know you Dad. Whether you want me to or not."
He moved to her then, taking her into his arms and just holding her to him.
"I don't deserve an ounce of your love kid."
"Yeah well, that's too damn bad because it's not your decision to make. It's mine and I made it long ago, when Renée sat me down and explained what you are and what I am. I knew I was different from the time I could think and reason, and when she explained what I am and what you are, it clicked and I knew that's why you stayed away. I just knew that you didn't feel worthy to be my dad and I forgave you for that that very day because I finally understood. Doesn't mean I wasn't still mad at you about it, but I understood. I just figured I'd chew you out about it when we finally met and be done with it. So there. I'm done."
She smiled at him and he laughed and hugged her again. "Well okay then missy. I guess I've accepted my dressing down and we can get on with things from here on out."
She shook her head. "Not quite. I want my rightful name. I want to see real, legal documents with my rightful name on them. I want to be acknowledged by you even if it's just us that knows about it."
He sat back and smirked at her. "I can do that. As a matter of fact, you should get used to the name anyway.
You're going to be using it where you are going."
Her brow furrowed. "Are you shipping me off so soon. What the hell? I thought we'd at least get to really know each other before that would happen!"
He sat forward, hands up. "Whoa, easy there sweetheart. Don't go off on me before I get the chance to explain the plan to you."
She eyed him suspiciously. "What plan?"
"You my darling daughter, are going to be traveling to the past." He crossed his arms and sat back looking smug, waiting for her response. He figured it was going to be good and she didn't disappoint. He absently thought about how hard it was going to be to curb her sailor mouth tendencies as he waited.
"What horse shit! Do I look like a fucking idiot to you?!" She poked his chest with a finger. "And you better have the correct answer to that particular question Pops. I'm officially not in the mood for any more bullshit here, thanks very much."
She sat back and pierced him with a dark look.
He smirked and answered her. "Ohhh, scary, but you'll have to do better than that oh daughter of mine because I've seen some really scary shit and you're not even close. Now, are you willing to listen and not dismiss what I tell you out of hand?"
She started to roll her eyes and he held up a hand quickly.
"None of that eye rolling shit either. I hate that. There are much better ways to express yourself and you'll have to ditch the habit anyway where and when you're going because proper ladies just did not indulge in such base expressions."
She gave him a flat look. 'You're still insisting that you aren't full of shit when you speak of time travel?!" Her brows were now at a great height and she blinked at him in disbelief.
"Yes, I'm insisting. And watch your language young lady. You'll have to break that habit too. Jesus, I need a drink. When I think of all the work that it's gonna take to get you ready..."
"Oh it might not be as tough as you think. I had to be pretty tame and demure around Edward after all. He was Victorian in every way." She smirked at her father. "And yes, I do mean EVERY way, damn it."
"So your mother was right? You are still a ...well, uh, jesus, I need a drink."
Bella laughed. She couldn't help it. He looked so stressed right now. She decided to let him off the hook.
"Yes dad, I'm still a virgin. Not for lack of trying though. It's just that Edward..."
He swiped his hand through the air. "Stop! Just...stop. I don't need details. I'm just thankful that you are still...you know. It will make your time in the past much easier, especially for courting and marriage purposes."
It was now Bella's turn to choke. "Marriage?! Who the he..." He held up one finger with a brow cocked at her.
She scowled. "Who in the world is talking about marriage?"
He smiled at her brightly. "Much better my daughter. And we are talking about marriage. You require your mate and he's a human in the past. He's going to have to court you and marry you. That's the way of the past eras. You can't just shack up in that society my dear. It just wasn't done by proper ladies. And you will be a proper lady."
She sighed and stared at him. "Shit."
He smirked.
~o0o~
Bella was pacing around the room, trying to come to terms with this plan that they had hatched while she was recovering.
She stopped and stared at her father again while he watched her with a grin on his face.
Raising his brows, he prompted her questions with one hand, rolling it in the air.
She blew out a breath. "Let me get this straight. You know a witch and she is willing to cast a spell to send me back to whenever and where ever my bond mate is as a human?"
Renée, Stefan and Damon all answered. "Yes."
"And why can't we simply find him in this time period?"
She watched her father's expression darken and his lip curl.
"Because I refuse to have you around a coven of highly unstable cold ones."
She got a decidedly stubborn look on her face.
"I was around them for months and months and they were fine."
Damon sat back and crossed his arms over his chest. "Yeah? Then what is that bite mark on your wrist? And why did they leave you?"
She deflated before their eyes and Renée shot a dirty look at Damon, while Stefan punched him in the arm.
Then Bella spoke. "No, don't give him any sh...okay sorry. Don't give him a hard time because he's right. The bite mark is from a cold one, although not a member of their coven. It was a nomad. And what prompted their move away from Forks was me getting a paper cut at my birthday party and one of them tried to attack me. The others stopped him but not before Edward pushed me too hard and I crashed into a table full of glass plates and sliced my arm open.
Edward decided that he and his family were too dangerous for me to be around and he wasn't willing to turn me, so they left me."
Stefan looked at her sharply at that. "You say your boyfriend wasn't willing to turn you?"
She nodded. "That's right. He said he was concerned about my soul and so he wouldn't even consider it."
Stefan looked at Damon and then back at Bella. "He couldn't be your bond mate then. Cold ones, especially once they've had any sort of physical contact, will find it impossible not to turn their mates. I witnessed such a thing once. It was scary as hell because he looked as though he was going in for the kill. I really thought he was, but he didn't. He merely bit and turned her."
Bella froze in her tracks, her mind replaying the night of her birthday, and Jasper, who had never offered to attack her, even with open wounds such as in the ballet studio, suddenly so feral looking, trying desperately to get to her. She never saw him again after that.
Her heart clenched painfully at that thought and she gasped, clutching her chest from the pain that shot through it.
Damon grabbed her before she hit her knees and she looked up at him, eyes wide in her realization.
"I think I may know just when and where I will end up."
He furrowed his brow. "And...?"
"Late 1850's Texas. I'm going to have to get there before he joins the Confederate Army. If I don't, then all is lost as he was attacked and turned during his time in the Army."
Damon looked at Stefan. "Well, it's not like we aren't familiar with the time period. Let's get to work."
After Damon got Bella calm, he gave her the first real dose of his blood, carried her to her bedroom and she slept while the rest of them planned and went over every detail that they could think of.
Renée had decided to see how Bella was doing later after waking, before she would make a decision on the number of days she would spend here. She had been shocked at the almost instant connection that she had witnessed between Damon and Bella and had discussed it with Stefan at length.
He had explained how her vampire instincts had recognized and connected with her father, especially in her distressed condition. In short, her vampire side was seeking desperately to cling to life, even while the weak human side of her was dying.
He had gone on to explain how the two sides would balance each other out once she had a few doses of blood to heal her. She would be back to normal again at that point, and then they could consider casting the spell.
Of course, she still had quite a bit of training to master before making such a journey. She had to be convincing as a high-born lady after all.
She sighed in relief and smiled at Stefan.
"Thank you for explaining it all to me. It makes sense to me now and if I'm honest, gives me hope that she will get through this and be stronger for it. Just two short days ago, I was convinced I was about to lose my daughter."
Stefan met her gaze then with a decidedly serious expression.
"You were Renée. This would have killed her. Just by looking at her when you brought her in, I could see that. Thank god you were smart enough to realize it and get her here. Without Damon's blood to sustain her, she probably wouldn't have lasted a month. But as we discussed before, we must get her to the one she's bonded to otherwise she will relapse."
Renée nodded. "I understand. Even though it will hurt terribly letting her go, I know I must. But I have a question."
He inclined his head. "Ask away. I'm more than happy to answer if I can. If I can't, then perhaps someone else can, and we will do all in our power to find the answers for you."
Renée smiled warmly at Stefan. "Are you sure you're related to Damon?"
At this, an until this moment, quiet Elena dissolved into peals of laughter with Stefan chuckling along.
"Quite sure Renée, although the question does come up rather frequently."
Wrapping an arm around a now smiling Elena he prompted Renée. "Your question?"
Renée felt the gravity of the situation settle on her shoulders like a leaden cloak and the smile dropped from her face.
"Will she ever be able to come back?"
Stefan leaned forward with a thoughtful look on his face. There were so many variables to any answer he gave her, he had to be careful of giving her too much hope and then again, not enough.
"The answer to your question is multi-faceted Renée."
She leaned back and uttered a very ineloquent "Huh?"
He smiled patiently and opened his mouth to try to explain his statement when Damon cut in.
"What he means to say is will she want to? It all depends on her. We can get her to Bonnie's ancestor for a return trip, but it's all up to her. That will leave you here, always wondering. Can you handle that Renée? You may think you have no choice in the matter, but really, you do. You could go with her and watch over her. You are her mother after all."
Renée was shaking her head before he was even done speaking. "It's impossible. I can't go with her. I have a life here. One that I finally love. I have a new husband whom I love very much. I can't just leave him."
She looked down at her lap, head shaking slowly as her eyes teared up with her realization. She looked back up at them.
"This is going to mean goodbye forever for she and I isn't it? I'm most likely never going to see her again."
Stefan nodded and took her hand. "Most likely Renée. It's all up to her and the decision she makes. But a mate bond is very strong. You saw the effects of it yourself." She nodded and he took a moment to think about what he needed to say next. It wasn't going to be easy for her to hear, but she needed to hear it.
"Renée, when she goes through the spell and is gone, you need to let her go completely. You can't live your life always anticipating her return when it's most likely that she won't. It won't be fair to you or your husband to live a half life where things are on hold because your daughter might come back. Do you understand why I'm telling you this?"
She nodded and smiled sadly.
"I appreciate your concern Stefan, and it's good advice. Difficult to comply with, but very sound advice."
~o0o~
Damon made his way down the hall and knocked lightly at his daughter's door. Peeking in, he then opened the door wider and let himself in.
She was sitting up and looking much better.
He figured now was as good a time as any to explain all that was going on and just what they were planning.
After all, if she wasn't willing, then all of this planning was a huge waste of time and they would need to figure something else out. He just wanted to avoid an entanglement with an entire coven of cold ones if he could help it.
Not that he wasn't strong enough to kick their asses, but he had enough on his plate here at home without borrowing trouble from elsewhere too.
She smirked at him as he pulled a chair up and he was taken aback at the fact that he recognized that smirk; he wore it's predecessor on his own face for all of these years after all. He would recognize it anywhere.
"Well, you look a lot better." He sat back in the chair and waited on what she had to say now that she was back in the land of the somewhat living.
She nodded and gave him a sidelong glance. "Yeah, and I know that I have you to thank for that. Well, and my mother for getting me here in the first place. I don't remember the trip at all, but I bet it wasn't fun for her dragging around a semi-corpse as she was."
"No, it wasn't from what she told us. I suppose it could have been worse though. You could have tried to fight going anywhere at all."
"Yeah, then she would have had to try talking you into coming to me. I've been sitting here wondering how that would have turned out. Would you have made the trip?"
He smirked. "You go right for the kill don't you my daughter?"
Her eyes flashed in anger as she looked at him.
"And why wouldn't I? Why the hell would I extend any courtesy to you after all your years of silence where I am concerned? Was I not good enough for you to be bothered? Or was I just too much of an inconvenience to be in your life in any way?"
Tears filled her eyes as she thought of the days and nights where she thought of her father and wondered where he was and the longing she had felt to really know him that had never waned; the longing to know and be loved by him.
He nodded and looked away. "I deserve your anger, I know. But I was never father material Bella, and I just figured that your life would be better without me in it. I'm not a good guy Bella. You can ask anyone and they'll tell you..."
He trailed off when she cut in.
"I don't want to have to ask anyone else. Fuck anyone else. I wanted to know you, shitty as you may consider yourself. I wanted to love you, even if I had to justify it by saying 'yeah sure, everyone thinks he's an ass, but he's my Dad and I love him so fuck off.' Let me ask you this: How many perfect parents have you ever seen or heard of in all of your years on this earth?"
He looked off to the side and she smirked and nodded. "That many, eh? That's what I thought. Well, guess what? I know you in here."
She pointed to her heart.
"I love you there too, just because you're my dad, and not for any other reason. It's certainly not because you've earned it and it's not due to all the time you spent with me. It's because you're a part of me and I'm a part of you and I don't know about you but I can feel that through my whole being. I know you Damon Salvatore. I know you Dad. Whether you want me to or not."
He moved to her then, taking her into his arms and just holding her to him.
"I don't deserve an ounce of your love kid."
"Yeah well, that's too damn bad because it's not your decision to make. It's mine and I made it long ago, when Renée sat me down and explained what you are and what I am. I knew I was different from the time I could think and reason, and when she explained what I am and what you are, it clicked and I knew that's why you stayed away. I just knew that you didn't feel worthy to be my dad and I forgave you for that that very day because I finally understood. Doesn't mean I wasn't still mad at you about it, but I understood. I just figured I'd chew you out about it when we finally met and be done with it. So there. I'm done."
She smiled at him and he laughed and hugged her again. "Well okay then missy. I guess I've accepted my dressing down and we can get on with things from here on out."
She shook her head. "Not quite. I want my rightful name. I want to see real, legal documents with my rightful name on them. I want to be acknowledged by you even if it's just us that knows about it."
He sat back and smirked at her. "I can do that. As a matter of fact, you should get used to the name anyway.
You're going to be using it where you are going."
Her brow furrowed. "Are you shipping me off so soon. What the hell? I thought we'd at least get to really know each other before that would happen!"
He sat forward, hands up. "Whoa, easy there sweetheart. Don't go off on me before I get the chance to explain the plan to you."
She eyed him suspiciously. "What plan?"
"You my darling daughter, are going to be traveling to the past." He crossed his arms and sat back looking smug, waiting for her response. He figured it was going to be good and she didn't disappoint. He absently thought about how hard it was going to be to curb her sailor mouth tendencies as he waited.
"What horse shit! Do I look like a fucking idiot to you?!" She poked his chest with a finger. "And you better have the correct answer to that particular question Pops. I'm officially not in the mood for any more bullshit here, thanks very much."
She sat back and pierced him with a dark look.
He smirked and answered her. "Ohhh, scary, but you'll have to do better than that oh daughter of mine because I've seen some really scary shit and you're not even close. Now, are you willing to listen and not dismiss what I tell you out of hand?"
She started to roll her eyes and he held up a hand quickly.
"None of that eye rolling shit either. I hate that. There are much better ways to express yourself and you'll have to ditch the habit anyway where and when you're going because proper ladies just did not indulge in such base expressions."
She gave him a flat look. 'You're still insisting that you aren't full of shit when you speak of time travel?!" Her brows were now at a great height and she blinked at him in disbelief.
"Yes, I'm insisting. And watch your language young lady. You'll have to break that habit too. Jesus, I need a drink. When I think of all the work that it's gonna take to get you ready..."
"Oh it might not be as tough as you think. I had to be pretty tame and demure around Edward after all. He was Victorian in every way." She smirked at her father. "And yes, I do mean EVERY way, damn it."
"So your mother was right? You are still a ...well, uh, jesus, I need a drink."
Bella laughed. She couldn't help it. He looked so stressed right now. She decided to let him off the hook.
"Yes dad, I'm still a virgin. Not for lack of trying though. It's just that Edward..."
He swiped his hand through the air. "Stop! Just...stop. I don't need details. I'm just thankful that you are still...you know. It will make your time in the past much easier, especially for courting and marriage purposes."
It was now Bella's turn to choke. "Marriage?! Who the he..." He held up one finger with a brow cocked at her.
She scowled. "Who in the world is talking about marriage?"
He smiled at her brightly. "Much better my daughter. And we are talking about marriage. You require your mate and he's a human in the past. He's going to have to court you and marry you. That's the way of the past eras. You can't just shack up in that society my dear. It just wasn't done by proper ladies. And you will be a proper lady."
She sighed and stared at him. "Shit."
He smirked.
~o0o~
Bella was pacing around the room, trying to come to terms with this plan that they had hatched while she was recovering.
She stopped and stared at her father again while he watched her with a grin on his face.
Raising his brows, he prompted her questions with one hand, rolling it in the air.
She blew out a breath. "Let me get this straight. You know a witch and she is willing to cast a spell to send me back to whenever and where ever my bond mate is as a human?"
Renée, Stefan and Damon all answered. "Yes."
"And why can't we simply find him in this time period?"
She watched her father's expression darken and his lip curl.
"Because I refuse to have you around a coven of highly unstable cold ones."
She got a decidedly stubborn look on her face.
"I was around them for months and months and they were fine."
Damon sat back and crossed his arms over his chest. "Yeah? Then what is that bite mark on your wrist? And why did they leave you?"
She deflated before their eyes and Renée shot a dirty look at Damon, while Stefan punched him in the arm.
Then Bella spoke. "No, don't give him any sh...okay sorry. Don't give him a hard time because he's right. The bite mark is from a cold one, although not a member of their coven. It was a nomad. And what prompted their move away from Forks was me getting a paper cut at my birthday party and one of them tried to attack me. The others stopped him but not before Edward pushed me too hard and I crashed into a table full of glass plates and sliced my arm open.
Edward decided that he and his family were too dangerous for me to be around and he wasn't willing to turn me, so they left me."
Stefan looked at her sharply at that. "You say your boyfriend wasn't willing to turn you?"
She nodded. "That's right. He said he was concerned about my soul and so he wouldn't even consider it."
Stefan looked at Damon and then back at Bella. "He couldn't be your bond mate then. Cold ones, especially once they've had any sort of physical contact, will find it impossible not to turn their mates. I witnessed such a thing once. It was scary as hell because he looked as though he was going in for the kill. I really thought he was, but he didn't. He merely bit and turned her."
Bella froze in her tracks, her mind replaying the night of her birthday, and Jasper, who had never offered to attack her, even with open wounds such as in the ballet studio, suddenly so feral looking, trying desperately to get to her. She never saw him again after that.
Her heart clenched painfully at that thought and she gasped, clutching her chest from the pain that shot through it.
Damon grabbed her before she hit her knees and she looked up at him, eyes wide in her realization.
"I think I may know just when and where I will end up."
He furrowed his brow. "And...?"
"Late 1850's Texas. I'm going to have to get there before he joins the Confederate Army. If I don't, then all is lost as he was attacked and turned during his time in the Army."
Damon looked at Stefan. "Well, it's not like we aren't familiar with the time period. Let's get to work."
DISCLAIMER: Twilight and its inclusive material is copyright to Stephenie Meyer. Original creation, including but not limited to plot and characters, is copyright to the respective authors of each story. No copyright infringement is intended.