Waiting For My Real Life To Begin
by Laura Spudzmom
Chapter 32
Damon stood, his face solemn as the preacher droned on about eternal rest, forgiveness, and the standard ‘For now, we see through a glass darkly’ crap that made his jaw tighten with suppressed rage. How anyone could try to reason away the murder of a child with philosophical bullshit, he would never understand or accept.
Next to him, his daughter held to his arm tightly, her eyes vacant as she stared from under her opaque, black veil.
Across the caskets and open graves, stood the remaining Whitlock family, the patriarch stoically silent, the females quietly weeping as the preacher finally wrapped things up.
In somber order, people filed past, extending murmured condolences and empty platitudes before laying flowers on the caskets and shuffling away.
It all combined to try Damon’s strained patience and barely contained fury. He wanted it all over with so he could do something. This waiting game—this show they were staging for the humans—and the grief he felt for his grandson, daughter and son-in-law, combined to have him feeling powerless, especially since he’d gone to that alley and caught a scent he’d recognized.
Since then, all he’d wanted to do was get to the fucker who’d done this…get his hands on him—but he couldn’t…not yet.
“Damon,” Thomas Whitlock greeted with a handshake while supporting his distraught wife.
“Thomas,” Damon returned with a nod.
“Any word?”
“Nothing.”
The man nodded before focusing on Bella. “Isabella,” he murmured gently, “you’re still family, sweetheart, so if there’s anything you need or anything we can do…” he trailed as her blank gaze slowly drifted to him. She blinked and when it was clear there was no other response forthcoming, Damon quietly cleared his throat.
“We appreciate that, Thomas, we do, and while this isn’t the ideal time to impart news, I suppose it’s as good as any…. I’ve decided to move back to Virginia and take Bella with me. She’s not well, and I think it’d be best to take her away. Get her away from…”
Thomas raised a hand. “I understand, and while we’ll miss her, you should do what’s best for her. Just…write when you get settled? We’d like to keep in touch. Jasper…” the man’s voice wavered, his jaw clenching and nostrils flaring as he fought for control, “he would’ve wanted that, I think. He loved her so much…he’d want us to look after her welfare.”
Damon nodded. “We’ll keep in touch as much as possible with the war and all.”
Thomas shook Damon’s hand again. “That’s all we can ask. Godspeed in your travels.”
“Thank you.” Damon watched them walk away and load into their carriage before glancing at Bella as the grave attendants stood respectfully, waiting to finish their job. “Well, sweetheart, I think it’s time to get back home.”
“All right,” she murmured as he gently urged her toward their own carriage. Once he’d handed her in and joined her, she calmly met his gaze as the carriage lurched and pulled out onto the road. “I’ll see Jasper at home, right Daddy?”
He smiled wanly. He hated how…blank her emotions were, but it was necessary…for the time being. They just had to get through the hardest part, and then he could release the compulsion. “Yeah, sweetheart, you’ll see him.”
“Good,” she muttered, turning her head to gaze out the carriage window. “I feel…wrong without him. He always makes me feel right.”
“I know, baby girl…” Damon muttered. “I know.”
To his great relief, his son-in-law had awoken hours after he’d brought home an unfortunate first meal for him. Not surprisingly, Jasper’d killed the hapless human which now occupied the sealed casket the attendants were currently burying in his place.
To his deepest pain and fury, the baby hadn’t, and was, this very minute, being lain to rest beside his ‘father’.
For a newly turned vampire, Jasper was quite controlled; able to reason away his desire to attack after that initial kill, much to Charles and Emily’s relief.
He’d been stricken to learn of his child’s death though, as was expected. But like a typical man of the time, he’d bottled his grief for the most part, only taking an hour or so for himself in private as he broke and wept. After that, he’d become the rock that Isabella needed.
When they arrived at the house, Damon handed Bella over to Jasper’s care before heading out to take care of his estate.
Over the past month, he’d been preparing for their eventual departure, but some things still needed seeing to—his home for one. He planned to leave it to the city with instructions to use it as an orphanage/school. He was sure the war would create such a need, and he didn’t exactly need the money he’d garner from a sale.
He’d made sure of that by investing in railroad and shipping interests—those things that would survive the economic devastation the war would wreak on the South.
Entering the house, he instructed his butler to assemble the staff for a meeting as he took a seat behind the polished desk in the study. Once they were gathered, he began. “I’ve called you together to let you know my daughter and I will be leaving. Too much has taken place here to stay, so for her health, I’m moving us back to Virginia.”
He noticed as they glanced at each other, their faces reflecting their worry. He smiled wanly. “You all will retain your positions here if you so choose. I’ve left the management of the place in the hands of the fine people at Levine,Turlock and Roe. They will see to your pay and the upkeep of the place. It’s my intention they turn the place into an orphanage and school, so if that doesn’t suit you, you now have sufficient warning to look for other employment. If you do choose to leave, all I ask is that you give sufficient notice to Mr. Roe at the barrister’s office so your positions may be filled in a timely manner. As always, Mr. Carter,” he gestured to the butler, “you are in charge of the household and staff. Thank you for being such a fine group of people.”
They all murmured their thanks and best wishes, and left the room, leaving Damon in silence. Leaving him alone with his thoughts…
Not a good thing at the moment…
With a tired sigh, he got up, went to the sideboard and poured himself a drink, downing it in one go before glancing around. There wasn’t much he wanted to take. He hadn’t really amassed many personal items during his time here, but there were plenty of bonds and stock certificates he needed to secure for their trip. Thankfully, they were all locked in the safe here in his study.
Placing his empty glass on the tray, he strode to the wall concealing the safe, moved the portrait aside, and dialed in the combination, hearing each wheel click into place as he did.
Pulling the heavy door open, he reached in and took out the stacks of documents. The first—the thickest—he placed in one satchel and the other, thinner stack, he placed in another. This last one would go to Emily and Charles to secure their future. Even though it was thinner than the stack he’d reserved for his own family, if they continued to invest wisely, the Bennett family would be affluent for generations to come; something he’d already discussed at length with Emily.
The last item he pulled from the safe was a ring box that contained a daylight ring he’d had Emily make for Jasper. The sunlight hadn’t yet been an issue, as he couldn’t exactly go traipsing around here anyway, but once they made their little trip, it would be.
Opening the tiny velvet box, he stared down at the mens ring nestled there, a pang of pain squeezing his heart as he thought about all that he and Bella’d set out to do at the beginning of this little journey.
They’d certainly accomplished the main goal, but as is the case with most things in life, none of it had been straightforward…or without pain, or as it turns out, sacrifice.
He blinked as his throat ached, his eyes stinging with tears as a clear picture of Jace flashed through his mind… With a sudden pinched frown, he cleared his throat and snapped the little box shut before placing it in his waistcoat pocket.
With one last look around the room, he grabbed the two leather satchels and left the house for the last time.
~o0o~
Jasper relaxed back in the chair, a deep frown marring his brow as his fingers slowly spun the glass of single malt scotch sitting on the polished table next to his chair. For a moment, his green gaze darted to his wife, her form still and silent as she stared blankly out the window.
It seemed that in an instant—in the split second that bullet had taken to tear through his body and into that of his tiny son—his whole life had shattered. And as he sat here, mind whirling with pain and chaos and sheer, quiet fury, he was no closer to a solution for putting the pieces back together.
His gaze cut from where his hand spun the glass and back to his broken wife again. He knew Damon had done something to her. Compulsion or some such… He’d explained what it was and why he’d felt the need to do it, and for the most part, Jasper understood. But this blank, unfeeling shell that sat across from him? He just couldn’t seem to reconcile with the wife he knew and loved.
With this emotionally blank facsimile, he couldn’t seem to connect and it made him feel as though he’d lost his wife too; another thing he had no idea how to deal with.
Damon had told him how she’d broken down when Jace died. How she’d gone into complete denial and then, when they had taken his body from her, how she’d been so completely out of control…so he understood, but it didn’t make any of this easier.
He needed her. They needed each other…but she just wasn’t there.
A soft knock sounded at the door and Jasper raised a brow as Charles peeked into the room. “We’ve prepared dinner, Mr. Whitlock. Would either of you care for any?”
“I wouldn’t Charles, but my wife needs to eat.”
Charles glanced at Bella, a concerned frown creasing his brow before meeting Jasper’s gaze again. “Will she take her meal in the dining room, or…”
Jasper shook his head. “I think it best if she stays where she is.”
Charles nodded. “I’ll bring a tray then.”
He ducked out and Jasper rubbed his eyes with a thumb and forefinger, mentally preparing himself to coax her into eating as he had for the last few meals she’d taken. It wasn’t that she refused, but he had to practically spoon feed her every bite or she would simply sit there and stare.
Moving his chair closer to her, he took her hand. “Bella?”
Slowly, her gaze traveled to him and she smiled a tiny smile. “Jasper.”
He patted her hand with a wan smile. “Yes, sugar, it’s me. You ready to eat something?”
She blinked slowly. “I guess.”
He cupped her cheek, his thumb gently tracing the pale curve of it as a lump rose in his throat. “I hope you’re still in there somewhere, darlin’. I need you.”
She smiled that same empty smile. “I’m right here, silly,” she said as she turned to stare out the window again, leaving his hand suspended in mid air.
That hand clenched into a fist as a lone tear traced down his cheek, and he cleared his throat while swiping at the moisture, his jaw clenched tightly as he battled the emotional storm inside him.
Ever since awakening, he’d had one hell of a time with his emotions and unless he was losing his mind, the emotions of others too. He could feel them…all of them, and at times, especially surrounded by such deep grief as he was now, it was overwhelming.
A light knock followed by Charles entering with a tray broke him from his thoughts. “Thank you, Charles,” he muttered as the butler placed the tray on the side table.
“You’re quite welcome, sir.” He eyed Bella for a moment. “Do you need any help, or…”
Jasper waved him away while placing the linen napkin on Bella’s lap. “No thank you, that will be all for now.”
Charles bowed and left, closing the door softly as Jasper took up the spoon. “Bella, I have some stew and buttered bread here for you. You ready to eat?” He gave her a moment to respond, then scooped up a bite with a sigh while touching her shoulder to get her attention. “Bella…time to eat, sugar. Come on, take a bite.” He held the spoon to her lips and she finally opened her mouth, chewing mechanically as she watched him with dead eyes.
He continued to feed her that way, bite after mechanical bite, until she finally shook her head, refusing any more. He frowned, noting she’d only eaten half the food, as the door opened to admit her father.
After pouring himself a liberal drink, Damon took a seat on the sofa, crossing his legs and sipping his drink as he watched Jasper wipe Bella’s lips with the napkin.
“She still not eating by herself?”
Jasper shook his head and placed the napkin on the tray for Charles to collect later. “No. She’s not doing much by herself, to be frank. Emily even comes in every so often to take her to the water closet.”
Jasper turned a dark scowl on Damon. “How can this be good for her? How can this possibly be better than letting her feel something…anything? She’s just blank!”
Damon sighed, staring down into his glass before casting a jaundiced eye at Jasper. “Look, I did what I thought was best. She didn't have you at the time and she was coming apart at the seams. Your family was here… I couldn’t exactly have them seeing her with fangs and all, now could I?”
Jasper’s jaw tightened and he looked away. “No, I reckon you couldn’t.”
“She won’t be like this for much longer, if that’s any consolation. Once we travel back and we’re somewhere safe, I’ll release the compulsion. Hopefully, by then, she’ll have a bit more control of herself. She still comprehends in this state. She just doesn’t feel the pain of it. I’m hoping that she’s been dealing with everything subconsciously during this time so when I release her, she’ll have a better grip. I’m sure your presence will help.”
Jasper reached out and ran the backs of his fingers over her cheek. “She’s just so…” He dropped his hand and looked back at Damon. “I feel nothing from her. Inside, I feel as though she’s dead too.”
Damon nodded. “Did Bella ever tell you about your former future self?”
Jasper’s brow creased. “You mean, the other type of vampire I once was?”
Damon nodded.
“She told me a bit, but nothing that you hadn’t already told me. Why?”
‘Well, apparently, you had a gift. You were an empath—able to feel and manipulate the emotions of others.”
Jasper’s brows drew into a frown. “Damn. Maybe that’s what’s going on…”
Damon took a sip of his drink before arching a brow. “Do tell.”
Jasper looked down before slowly shaking his head. “Thought I was…I just…” he looked up, meeting Damon’s expectant gaze. “I feel everything and it’s worse when Emily and Charles are nearby. It’s like being flooded with emotion and I’ve never felt that way before. To be honest, I thought I was going crazy.” He looked toward Bella. “The worst part was I can’t feel anything from Bella, not even when I look in her eyes. It feels like she’s not there anymore and I’m used to feeling her, even before I was shot. Almost since the day we met, she was a warm presence inside me, and now…”
Damon nodded. “Makes sense. You two are mates—soul mates, if you will—which is pretty rare. It’s why we made this trip. When the Cullens left her—more specifically, when you left—she nearly died. Her mother brought her to me and I was able to patch her up with regular doses of my blood, but what she really needed was you. When the two of you met here, things moved rather quickly.”
Jasper smiled wanly and caressed her cheek again. “They did. I remember deciding to marry her when she told me off the night of my parents dinner party—just hours after meeting her.”
Damon snorted. “Yes, I recall.”
He looked back at Damon. “I knew then and there she was mine. I felt it…” He took Bella’s slack hand and kissed it. “And it’s the lack of that feeling that’s killin’ me now.”
Damon frowned. “Hang on just a little longer, kid. We’ll be leaving tonight, if Emily and Charles have everything ready to go. We just can’t risk her loosing control during any of the complicated stuff.”
Jasper nodded. “I can hang on. Knowing that I feel this way because of some gift, as you call it, makes things easier. I feel like I can push it back, if that makes any sense?”
Damon quirked a brow and nodded. “It really does, actually, and that’s something you should practice doing. When you feel overwhelmed in the presence of others, push it away. Or, you could even try your hand at manipulating what they’re feeling.”
Jasper frowned at that. “I don’t know…that doesn’t seem like a proper thing to do.”
Damon scoffed. “Kid, you’re gonna need to lose some of those gentlemanly ways. You’re a vampire now.”
Jasper scowled. “That doesn’t mean I have to impinge on others emotions without good cause.”
“Oh, you’re gonna do way more than that over the years, believe me…”
Jasper looked mutinous and Damon raised a hand. “Now hang on before you go chewing my head off. It’s true, you can live the life of a vampire—our type of vampire, anyway—and have it be pretty damn close to that of a normal human. However, you’re gonna have to lie on a pretty regular basis. You’re gonna have to compel the poor little human darlings all the time too if you want fresh blood, all while doing all you can to cover your ass and watch your back.” He saluted with his glass. “You’ll either get good at all of that, or you’ll find yourself with a stake in your chest as you slowly choke on your own blood. Then you die for real. Any of this sinking in?”
Jasper’s lips were pressed into a thin line as he stared into the distance. “Yes, it is.”
Damon stared warily, taking a slow sip from his glass as he allowed his son-in-law to process. Finally, he broke the silence. “You’re not having a crisis of conscience now, are you?”
Jasper’s flinty gaze cut to him. “I am not. I will do what I must to protect my family and live a peaceful life. Bella’s been through enough…we all have.”
Damon inclined his head. “Good, I’m glad to hear you say that, and I’ll help you in any way I can.”
Jasper inclined his head. “I appreciate that.” Then his eyes cut to the door, his keen hearing picking up the sound of footsteps.
“Not used to the enhanced senses yet?” Damon asked just as a knock sounded at the door.
“I’m gettin’ there,” Jasper muttered before calling out, “Come in.”
Charles stepped in and nodded a greeting at Damon. “Sorry to interrupt, but I came to collect Miss Bella’s tray.”
“It’s not a problem,” Jasper said.
“I needed to speak to you, anyway, Charles,” Damon said, causing the man to pause on his way out.
“Oh?”
“Yes, Emily mentioned the possibility of leaving tonight. I wanted to know if she’s ready or not.”
Charles nodded. “I believe she is, sir, but I’ll ask her to come speak with you.”
Damon smiled. “Thank you.”
“Certainly,” the man said as he turned and left.
“Are you sure tonight is feasible?” Jasper asked. “We haven’t packed…”
Damon smirked. “I assure you, Emily’s probably taken care of everything. I saw no less than three trunks in the entryway when I arrived earlier.”
“That’s true, Mister Jasper, I made sure to pack everything that would have meaning to you both. The clothes you won’t be needing. You’ll have to buy a new wardrobe when you get where you’re going. The only clothing items I did pack was a full uniform of yours and a few of…of the baby’s things…” Emily trailed quietly as she crossed the room and sat beside Damon.
Jasper sucked in a sharp breath as pain—his own and, he assumed, that of Damon and Emily—lanced through him at the mention of the baby.
Rubbing his chest absently, he cast his gaze down as he fought to push away all that grief.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…”
Jasper held up a hand before looking back at the woman. “No, it’s all right. I need to get used to it. It’s going to happen, probably for quite a while to come.”
She nodded then looked at Damon. “I’m ready. I can send you on your way tonight. It’s not a full moon—which would be ideal—but I’m strong enough without it. I’ve also been charging crystals under the moon for months now, just in case. Charles and I will leave for Virginia at first light.”
Damon nodded. “Those bonds we talked about? I have them for you and you know where the property is?”
She smiled and laid her hand over his. “I do, and I can’t thank you enough, but you worry about you and yours now. Charles and I will be just fine.”
“Where will we be sent, exactly? Will it be just a general location, or…?”
She smiled at Jasper. “No, honey. If all goes as planned, I’ll be droppin’ you all right in the main room of Damon’s home.”
Damon snorted behind the rim of his glass. “Stefan’ll love that.”
Jasper looked worried. “Is this going to be a hostile situation? Should we be armed?”
Damon had to chuckle at that. “Uh, no. Stefan is my little brother, and while he can be a pain in the ass at times, I don’t think we need to go in, guns blazing.” Then he tipped his head and smirked. “Might be amusing, though.”
Jasper didn’t look convinced, but kept his silence as Emily scowled and slapped Damon’s shoulder. “You quit pickin’ on poor Stefan.”
Damon rolled his eyes. “Please… Poor Stefan, my ass…”
She mean-mugged him and he raised his hands. “Fine, no picking on Stefan. Happy?”
She shook her head. “You better be nice to that boy. He’s going to be an important help to you.”
He narrowed his eyes at her. “What do you know?”
She picked some lint off her skirt. “Oh, just that he’s gonna have to go talk your younger vampire self into a little tryst with a certain human woman.” She gave him a pointed look then nodded toward Bella. His brows shot up and she nodded again. “I see your cottoning on to my meaning…”
Damon stifled a groan. “He isn’t gonna like that at all…”
Her brows shot up. “It’s not like you can do it.”
He sighed and nodded. “God only knows what I’m gonna have to agree to for him to do that though.”
She smirked and patted his hand. “I’m sure you’ll figure something out.”
“I don’t have much of a choice, do I?”
She shook her head. “No, you don’t.”
He knocked back the rest of his drink and stood, crossing the room to place his glass on the sideboard before facing them. “Well, no time like the present.” He glanced between his wary looking son-in-law and his favorite witch. “Let’s do this.”
~o0o~
An hour later saw them gathered in a spacious room upstairs. The room had been emptied of all furniture and a ritual circle had been drawn on the wood floor with a pentacle within it. At each point of the pentacle, there were placed, luminescent crystals, and carefully placed within all of that were the three trunks. “All right,” Emily said, her tone all business, “take a seat in the center without touching anything but the trunks. Mr. Jasper, you seat Miss Bella first and keep a good hold on her the whole time. The travel should be gentle, but we don’t want any mishaps.”
He nodded and did as asked, seating himself behind Bella before pulling her close to his chest, his legs on either side of her. Damon then took a seat beside them. As Emily read over the ritual chant one final time, he glanced Jasper who looked worried. “Don’t look so worried, kid. It wasn’t bad when we made the trip here. I don’t see it being any different going back.”
Jasper exhaled heavily and nodded. “Good. I’m just not used to all this…” he gestured around at the ritual circle and crystals and Damon smirked.
“I’m no expert either, but I’m pretty sure we’ll survive.”
Jasper hmm’ed and pulled Bella a little closer and Emily took up a place at the top of the pentacle. “It was a pleasure knowing you all,” she said with a gentle smile, looking at each one of them before locking her gaze with Jasper’s. “You’ll both be happy again. It may not seem like it now, but you will.”
He swallowed hard and gave her a nod and with that, she began to chant, her eyes sparkling with what looked like tears as she and everything around them slowly faded from sight.
Damon stood, his face solemn as the preacher droned on about eternal rest, forgiveness, and the standard ‘For now, we see through a glass darkly’ crap that made his jaw tighten with suppressed rage. How anyone could try to reason away the murder of a child with philosophical bullshit, he would never understand or accept.
Next to him, his daughter held to his arm tightly, her eyes vacant as she stared from under her opaque, black veil.
Across the caskets and open graves, stood the remaining Whitlock family, the patriarch stoically silent, the females quietly weeping as the preacher finally wrapped things up.
In somber order, people filed past, extending murmured condolences and empty platitudes before laying flowers on the caskets and shuffling away.
It all combined to try Damon’s strained patience and barely contained fury. He wanted it all over with so he could do something. This waiting game—this show they were staging for the humans—and the grief he felt for his grandson, daughter and son-in-law, combined to have him feeling powerless, especially since he’d gone to that alley and caught a scent he’d recognized.
Since then, all he’d wanted to do was get to the fucker who’d done this…get his hands on him—but he couldn’t…not yet.
“Damon,” Thomas Whitlock greeted with a handshake while supporting his distraught wife.
“Thomas,” Damon returned with a nod.
“Any word?”
“Nothing.”
The man nodded before focusing on Bella. “Isabella,” he murmured gently, “you’re still family, sweetheart, so if there’s anything you need or anything we can do…” he trailed as her blank gaze slowly drifted to him. She blinked and when it was clear there was no other response forthcoming, Damon quietly cleared his throat.
“We appreciate that, Thomas, we do, and while this isn’t the ideal time to impart news, I suppose it’s as good as any…. I’ve decided to move back to Virginia and take Bella with me. She’s not well, and I think it’d be best to take her away. Get her away from…”
Thomas raised a hand. “I understand, and while we’ll miss her, you should do what’s best for her. Just…write when you get settled? We’d like to keep in touch. Jasper…” the man’s voice wavered, his jaw clenching and nostrils flaring as he fought for control, “he would’ve wanted that, I think. He loved her so much…he’d want us to look after her welfare.”
Damon nodded. “We’ll keep in touch as much as possible with the war and all.”
Thomas shook Damon’s hand again. “That’s all we can ask. Godspeed in your travels.”
“Thank you.” Damon watched them walk away and load into their carriage before glancing at Bella as the grave attendants stood respectfully, waiting to finish their job. “Well, sweetheart, I think it’s time to get back home.”
“All right,” she murmured as he gently urged her toward their own carriage. Once he’d handed her in and joined her, she calmly met his gaze as the carriage lurched and pulled out onto the road. “I’ll see Jasper at home, right Daddy?”
He smiled wanly. He hated how…blank her emotions were, but it was necessary…for the time being. They just had to get through the hardest part, and then he could release the compulsion. “Yeah, sweetheart, you’ll see him.”
“Good,” she muttered, turning her head to gaze out the carriage window. “I feel…wrong without him. He always makes me feel right.”
“I know, baby girl…” Damon muttered. “I know.”
To his great relief, his son-in-law had awoken hours after he’d brought home an unfortunate first meal for him. Not surprisingly, Jasper’d killed the hapless human which now occupied the sealed casket the attendants were currently burying in his place.
To his deepest pain and fury, the baby hadn’t, and was, this very minute, being lain to rest beside his ‘father’.
For a newly turned vampire, Jasper was quite controlled; able to reason away his desire to attack after that initial kill, much to Charles and Emily’s relief.
He’d been stricken to learn of his child’s death though, as was expected. But like a typical man of the time, he’d bottled his grief for the most part, only taking an hour or so for himself in private as he broke and wept. After that, he’d become the rock that Isabella needed.
When they arrived at the house, Damon handed Bella over to Jasper’s care before heading out to take care of his estate.
Over the past month, he’d been preparing for their eventual departure, but some things still needed seeing to—his home for one. He planned to leave it to the city with instructions to use it as an orphanage/school. He was sure the war would create such a need, and he didn’t exactly need the money he’d garner from a sale.
He’d made sure of that by investing in railroad and shipping interests—those things that would survive the economic devastation the war would wreak on the South.
Entering the house, he instructed his butler to assemble the staff for a meeting as he took a seat behind the polished desk in the study. Once they were gathered, he began. “I’ve called you together to let you know my daughter and I will be leaving. Too much has taken place here to stay, so for her health, I’m moving us back to Virginia.”
He noticed as they glanced at each other, their faces reflecting their worry. He smiled wanly. “You all will retain your positions here if you so choose. I’ve left the management of the place in the hands of the fine people at Levine,Turlock and Roe. They will see to your pay and the upkeep of the place. It’s my intention they turn the place into an orphanage and school, so if that doesn’t suit you, you now have sufficient warning to look for other employment. If you do choose to leave, all I ask is that you give sufficient notice to Mr. Roe at the barrister’s office so your positions may be filled in a timely manner. As always, Mr. Carter,” he gestured to the butler, “you are in charge of the household and staff. Thank you for being such a fine group of people.”
They all murmured their thanks and best wishes, and left the room, leaving Damon in silence. Leaving him alone with his thoughts…
Not a good thing at the moment…
With a tired sigh, he got up, went to the sideboard and poured himself a drink, downing it in one go before glancing around. There wasn’t much he wanted to take. He hadn’t really amassed many personal items during his time here, but there were plenty of bonds and stock certificates he needed to secure for their trip. Thankfully, they were all locked in the safe here in his study.
Placing his empty glass on the tray, he strode to the wall concealing the safe, moved the portrait aside, and dialed in the combination, hearing each wheel click into place as he did.
Pulling the heavy door open, he reached in and took out the stacks of documents. The first—the thickest—he placed in one satchel and the other, thinner stack, he placed in another. This last one would go to Emily and Charles to secure their future. Even though it was thinner than the stack he’d reserved for his own family, if they continued to invest wisely, the Bennett family would be affluent for generations to come; something he’d already discussed at length with Emily.
The last item he pulled from the safe was a ring box that contained a daylight ring he’d had Emily make for Jasper. The sunlight hadn’t yet been an issue, as he couldn’t exactly go traipsing around here anyway, but once they made their little trip, it would be.
Opening the tiny velvet box, he stared down at the mens ring nestled there, a pang of pain squeezing his heart as he thought about all that he and Bella’d set out to do at the beginning of this little journey.
They’d certainly accomplished the main goal, but as is the case with most things in life, none of it had been straightforward…or without pain, or as it turns out, sacrifice.
He blinked as his throat ached, his eyes stinging with tears as a clear picture of Jace flashed through his mind… With a sudden pinched frown, he cleared his throat and snapped the little box shut before placing it in his waistcoat pocket.
With one last look around the room, he grabbed the two leather satchels and left the house for the last time.
~o0o~
Jasper relaxed back in the chair, a deep frown marring his brow as his fingers slowly spun the glass of single malt scotch sitting on the polished table next to his chair. For a moment, his green gaze darted to his wife, her form still and silent as she stared blankly out the window.
It seemed that in an instant—in the split second that bullet had taken to tear through his body and into that of his tiny son—his whole life had shattered. And as he sat here, mind whirling with pain and chaos and sheer, quiet fury, he was no closer to a solution for putting the pieces back together.
His gaze cut from where his hand spun the glass and back to his broken wife again. He knew Damon had done something to her. Compulsion or some such… He’d explained what it was and why he’d felt the need to do it, and for the most part, Jasper understood. But this blank, unfeeling shell that sat across from him? He just couldn’t seem to reconcile with the wife he knew and loved.
With this emotionally blank facsimile, he couldn’t seem to connect and it made him feel as though he’d lost his wife too; another thing he had no idea how to deal with.
Damon had told him how she’d broken down when Jace died. How she’d gone into complete denial and then, when they had taken his body from her, how she’d been so completely out of control…so he understood, but it didn’t make any of this easier.
He needed her. They needed each other…but she just wasn’t there.
A soft knock sounded at the door and Jasper raised a brow as Charles peeked into the room. “We’ve prepared dinner, Mr. Whitlock. Would either of you care for any?”
“I wouldn’t Charles, but my wife needs to eat.”
Charles glanced at Bella, a concerned frown creasing his brow before meeting Jasper’s gaze again. “Will she take her meal in the dining room, or…”
Jasper shook his head. “I think it best if she stays where she is.”
Charles nodded. “I’ll bring a tray then.”
He ducked out and Jasper rubbed his eyes with a thumb and forefinger, mentally preparing himself to coax her into eating as he had for the last few meals she’d taken. It wasn’t that she refused, but he had to practically spoon feed her every bite or she would simply sit there and stare.
Moving his chair closer to her, he took her hand. “Bella?”
Slowly, her gaze traveled to him and she smiled a tiny smile. “Jasper.”
He patted her hand with a wan smile. “Yes, sugar, it’s me. You ready to eat something?”
She blinked slowly. “I guess.”
He cupped her cheek, his thumb gently tracing the pale curve of it as a lump rose in his throat. “I hope you’re still in there somewhere, darlin’. I need you.”
She smiled that same empty smile. “I’m right here, silly,” she said as she turned to stare out the window again, leaving his hand suspended in mid air.
That hand clenched into a fist as a lone tear traced down his cheek, and he cleared his throat while swiping at the moisture, his jaw clenched tightly as he battled the emotional storm inside him.
Ever since awakening, he’d had one hell of a time with his emotions and unless he was losing his mind, the emotions of others too. He could feel them…all of them, and at times, especially surrounded by such deep grief as he was now, it was overwhelming.
A light knock followed by Charles entering with a tray broke him from his thoughts. “Thank you, Charles,” he muttered as the butler placed the tray on the side table.
“You’re quite welcome, sir.” He eyed Bella for a moment. “Do you need any help, or…”
Jasper waved him away while placing the linen napkin on Bella’s lap. “No thank you, that will be all for now.”
Charles bowed and left, closing the door softly as Jasper took up the spoon. “Bella, I have some stew and buttered bread here for you. You ready to eat?” He gave her a moment to respond, then scooped up a bite with a sigh while touching her shoulder to get her attention. “Bella…time to eat, sugar. Come on, take a bite.” He held the spoon to her lips and she finally opened her mouth, chewing mechanically as she watched him with dead eyes.
He continued to feed her that way, bite after mechanical bite, until she finally shook her head, refusing any more. He frowned, noting she’d only eaten half the food, as the door opened to admit her father.
After pouring himself a liberal drink, Damon took a seat on the sofa, crossing his legs and sipping his drink as he watched Jasper wipe Bella’s lips with the napkin.
“She still not eating by herself?”
Jasper shook his head and placed the napkin on the tray for Charles to collect later. “No. She’s not doing much by herself, to be frank. Emily even comes in every so often to take her to the water closet.”
Jasper turned a dark scowl on Damon. “How can this be good for her? How can this possibly be better than letting her feel something…anything? She’s just blank!”
Damon sighed, staring down into his glass before casting a jaundiced eye at Jasper. “Look, I did what I thought was best. She didn't have you at the time and she was coming apart at the seams. Your family was here… I couldn’t exactly have them seeing her with fangs and all, now could I?”
Jasper’s jaw tightened and he looked away. “No, I reckon you couldn’t.”
“She won’t be like this for much longer, if that’s any consolation. Once we travel back and we’re somewhere safe, I’ll release the compulsion. Hopefully, by then, she’ll have a bit more control of herself. She still comprehends in this state. She just doesn’t feel the pain of it. I’m hoping that she’s been dealing with everything subconsciously during this time so when I release her, she’ll have a better grip. I’m sure your presence will help.”
Jasper reached out and ran the backs of his fingers over her cheek. “She’s just so…” He dropped his hand and looked back at Damon. “I feel nothing from her. Inside, I feel as though she’s dead too.”
Damon nodded. “Did Bella ever tell you about your former future self?”
Jasper’s brow creased. “You mean, the other type of vampire I once was?”
Damon nodded.
“She told me a bit, but nothing that you hadn’t already told me. Why?”
‘Well, apparently, you had a gift. You were an empath—able to feel and manipulate the emotions of others.”
Jasper’s brows drew into a frown. “Damn. Maybe that’s what’s going on…”
Damon took a sip of his drink before arching a brow. “Do tell.”
Jasper looked down before slowly shaking his head. “Thought I was…I just…” he looked up, meeting Damon’s expectant gaze. “I feel everything and it’s worse when Emily and Charles are nearby. It’s like being flooded with emotion and I’ve never felt that way before. To be honest, I thought I was going crazy.” He looked toward Bella. “The worst part was I can’t feel anything from Bella, not even when I look in her eyes. It feels like she’s not there anymore and I’m used to feeling her, even before I was shot. Almost since the day we met, she was a warm presence inside me, and now…”
Damon nodded. “Makes sense. You two are mates—soul mates, if you will—which is pretty rare. It’s why we made this trip. When the Cullens left her—more specifically, when you left—she nearly died. Her mother brought her to me and I was able to patch her up with regular doses of my blood, but what she really needed was you. When the two of you met here, things moved rather quickly.”
Jasper smiled wanly and caressed her cheek again. “They did. I remember deciding to marry her when she told me off the night of my parents dinner party—just hours after meeting her.”
Damon snorted. “Yes, I recall.”
He looked back at Damon. “I knew then and there she was mine. I felt it…” He took Bella’s slack hand and kissed it. “And it’s the lack of that feeling that’s killin’ me now.”
Damon frowned. “Hang on just a little longer, kid. We’ll be leaving tonight, if Emily and Charles have everything ready to go. We just can’t risk her loosing control during any of the complicated stuff.”
Jasper nodded. “I can hang on. Knowing that I feel this way because of some gift, as you call it, makes things easier. I feel like I can push it back, if that makes any sense?”
Damon quirked a brow and nodded. “It really does, actually, and that’s something you should practice doing. When you feel overwhelmed in the presence of others, push it away. Or, you could even try your hand at manipulating what they’re feeling.”
Jasper frowned at that. “I don’t know…that doesn’t seem like a proper thing to do.”
Damon scoffed. “Kid, you’re gonna need to lose some of those gentlemanly ways. You’re a vampire now.”
Jasper scowled. “That doesn’t mean I have to impinge on others emotions without good cause.”
“Oh, you’re gonna do way more than that over the years, believe me…”
Jasper looked mutinous and Damon raised a hand. “Now hang on before you go chewing my head off. It’s true, you can live the life of a vampire—our type of vampire, anyway—and have it be pretty damn close to that of a normal human. However, you’re gonna have to lie on a pretty regular basis. You’re gonna have to compel the poor little human darlings all the time too if you want fresh blood, all while doing all you can to cover your ass and watch your back.” He saluted with his glass. “You’ll either get good at all of that, or you’ll find yourself with a stake in your chest as you slowly choke on your own blood. Then you die for real. Any of this sinking in?”
Jasper’s lips were pressed into a thin line as he stared into the distance. “Yes, it is.”
Damon stared warily, taking a slow sip from his glass as he allowed his son-in-law to process. Finally, he broke the silence. “You’re not having a crisis of conscience now, are you?”
Jasper’s flinty gaze cut to him. “I am not. I will do what I must to protect my family and live a peaceful life. Bella’s been through enough…we all have.”
Damon inclined his head. “Good, I’m glad to hear you say that, and I’ll help you in any way I can.”
Jasper inclined his head. “I appreciate that.” Then his eyes cut to the door, his keen hearing picking up the sound of footsteps.
“Not used to the enhanced senses yet?” Damon asked just as a knock sounded at the door.
“I’m gettin’ there,” Jasper muttered before calling out, “Come in.”
Charles stepped in and nodded a greeting at Damon. “Sorry to interrupt, but I came to collect Miss Bella’s tray.”
“It’s not a problem,” Jasper said.
“I needed to speak to you, anyway, Charles,” Damon said, causing the man to pause on his way out.
“Oh?”
“Yes, Emily mentioned the possibility of leaving tonight. I wanted to know if she’s ready or not.”
Charles nodded. “I believe she is, sir, but I’ll ask her to come speak with you.”
Damon smiled. “Thank you.”
“Certainly,” the man said as he turned and left.
“Are you sure tonight is feasible?” Jasper asked. “We haven’t packed…”
Damon smirked. “I assure you, Emily’s probably taken care of everything. I saw no less than three trunks in the entryway when I arrived earlier.”
“That’s true, Mister Jasper, I made sure to pack everything that would have meaning to you both. The clothes you won’t be needing. You’ll have to buy a new wardrobe when you get where you’re going. The only clothing items I did pack was a full uniform of yours and a few of…of the baby’s things…” Emily trailed quietly as she crossed the room and sat beside Damon.
Jasper sucked in a sharp breath as pain—his own and, he assumed, that of Damon and Emily—lanced through him at the mention of the baby.
Rubbing his chest absently, he cast his gaze down as he fought to push away all that grief.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…”
Jasper held up a hand before looking back at the woman. “No, it’s all right. I need to get used to it. It’s going to happen, probably for quite a while to come.”
She nodded then looked at Damon. “I’m ready. I can send you on your way tonight. It’s not a full moon—which would be ideal—but I’m strong enough without it. I’ve also been charging crystals under the moon for months now, just in case. Charles and I will leave for Virginia at first light.”
Damon nodded. “Those bonds we talked about? I have them for you and you know where the property is?”
She smiled and laid her hand over his. “I do, and I can’t thank you enough, but you worry about you and yours now. Charles and I will be just fine.”
“Where will we be sent, exactly? Will it be just a general location, or…?”
She smiled at Jasper. “No, honey. If all goes as planned, I’ll be droppin’ you all right in the main room of Damon’s home.”
Damon snorted behind the rim of his glass. “Stefan’ll love that.”
Jasper looked worried. “Is this going to be a hostile situation? Should we be armed?”
Damon had to chuckle at that. “Uh, no. Stefan is my little brother, and while he can be a pain in the ass at times, I don’t think we need to go in, guns blazing.” Then he tipped his head and smirked. “Might be amusing, though.”
Jasper didn’t look convinced, but kept his silence as Emily scowled and slapped Damon’s shoulder. “You quit pickin’ on poor Stefan.”
Damon rolled his eyes. “Please… Poor Stefan, my ass…”
She mean-mugged him and he raised his hands. “Fine, no picking on Stefan. Happy?”
She shook her head. “You better be nice to that boy. He’s going to be an important help to you.”
He narrowed his eyes at her. “What do you know?”
She picked some lint off her skirt. “Oh, just that he’s gonna have to go talk your younger vampire self into a little tryst with a certain human woman.” She gave him a pointed look then nodded toward Bella. His brows shot up and she nodded again. “I see your cottoning on to my meaning…”
Damon stifled a groan. “He isn’t gonna like that at all…”
Her brows shot up. “It’s not like you can do it.”
He sighed and nodded. “God only knows what I’m gonna have to agree to for him to do that though.”
She smirked and patted his hand. “I’m sure you’ll figure something out.”
“I don’t have much of a choice, do I?”
She shook her head. “No, you don’t.”
He knocked back the rest of his drink and stood, crossing the room to place his glass on the sideboard before facing them. “Well, no time like the present.” He glanced between his wary looking son-in-law and his favorite witch. “Let’s do this.”
~o0o~
An hour later saw them gathered in a spacious room upstairs. The room had been emptied of all furniture and a ritual circle had been drawn on the wood floor with a pentacle within it. At each point of the pentacle, there were placed, luminescent crystals, and carefully placed within all of that were the three trunks. “All right,” Emily said, her tone all business, “take a seat in the center without touching anything but the trunks. Mr. Jasper, you seat Miss Bella first and keep a good hold on her the whole time. The travel should be gentle, but we don’t want any mishaps.”
He nodded and did as asked, seating himself behind Bella before pulling her close to his chest, his legs on either side of her. Damon then took a seat beside them. As Emily read over the ritual chant one final time, he glanced Jasper who looked worried. “Don’t look so worried, kid. It wasn’t bad when we made the trip here. I don’t see it being any different going back.”
Jasper exhaled heavily and nodded. “Good. I’m just not used to all this…” he gestured around at the ritual circle and crystals and Damon smirked.
“I’m no expert either, but I’m pretty sure we’ll survive.”
Jasper hmm’ed and pulled Bella a little closer and Emily took up a place at the top of the pentacle. “It was a pleasure knowing you all,” she said with a gentle smile, looking at each one of them before locking her gaze with Jasper’s. “You’ll both be happy again. It may not seem like it now, but you will.”
He swallowed hard and gave her a nod and with that, she began to chant, her eyes sparkling with what looked like tears as she and everything around them slowly faded from sight.
DISCLAIMER: Twilight and its inclusive material is copyright to Stephenie Meyer. Original creation, including but not limited to plot and characters, is copyright to the respective authors of each story. No copyright infringement is intended.